To ask MIL to stay out of my dirty washing basket?

[Wetwashing00]

Housework is not part of my requirements when MIL babysits.

But she separated my darks and put a wash on.
Whilst it’s very lovely to do that for me it’s quite personal isn’t it?
I don’t want her going through my crusty work socks or period stained pants (they were all in there)

My DH said she’s just trying to be helpful, which I understand.
But I don’t want her to do it. She’s quite touchy and takes offence really quickly so I’m thinking of just hiding the basket next time.

Had exactly the same thing with DP’s mum when she babysat every Monday when DD was tiny. We did tell her (nicely) not to - and for a few weeks, she’d be fine. Then she’d start again. Used to come home to find my bras and pants all draped over the living room radiators.

We ended up having to hide the laundry baskets in a locked wardrobe in our room.

Sounds petty but as I recall it led to DP and his mum falling out and not speaking for years.

My cleaner does this. Its a bit awkward because she's actually a friend who cleans and thinks she's being helpful. After she ruined a wool dress I now do what someone suggested and put a cycle on just as she arrives.
Before anyone says I should tell her not to do it, I did try that but she must have thought I was being polite . To save upset now I just get a wash on.

OP just let her do it! It's no harm in fact it's a lovely thing to do. Stained pants and socks etc?? Who cares! Shes seen it all before. Only on mumsnet would people think their washing is "private" and their MIL is being nosey by sticking a wash on! Live and let live OP she obviously wants to help out.

@Atlasta wow I'm genuinely shocked by your post! You rewashed clothes that the woman who birthed your husband washed?!

I don’t want my MIL seeing my stained pants no matter how many she’s seen before, call me old fashioned.

My MIL has done this. She likes to have a key "in case of emergencies" when we're away. Twice now she has let herself in and gone into our bedroom to take washing away. When she brings it back she looks through my wardrobe to find hangers for the pyjamas.

I don't want my own mum to wash my knickers and pyjamas. MIL has been asked by DH not to do this. Other people might not mind, but I really do.

I'd be thanking her not whinging about it to be honest!

Leave the washing machine loaded up with things you want to wash anyway (hiding the things you don't want her seeing) and just leave it. Either she does it- bonus! Or you can do it when you have time, adding your hidden things.

My MIL used to do this - drove me nuts.
She stopped after I freaked because she'd done a wash load on the temp setting for cloth nappies - she didn't really know how to use my machine so just put stuff in and pressed go - I was really quite firm in my "please don't do that again" reaction. Polite, but Really Firm. And she hasn't.

I don't care about dirty clothes. We're all human but putting it in the drier annoys me!

YANBU
That is so feckin' intrusive & weird.
Even if your OWN mother did it, let alone anyone else's.

I think the trouble you are having is about how you "ask" her.
Don't ask her. Tell her.
"MiL I get that you felt you were being helpful but I prefer to do the laundry myself, please just leave it for me."

Appreciate that she will kick off, so you are considering whether just to put up & shut up because her kicking off trumps your personal embarrassment - but i.m.e. this is how intrusive people keep getting away with it.

She may huff, rant, justify, excuse ... don't take any of it on board.
"It's ok MiL I'm not asking you to discuss it, but it's my home, my laundry, & my decision, ok?"

Bleugh!

My ex MIL used to come over to see the kids... and take away some of our washing to her house, wash it and bring it back with 'helpful' housekeeping advice!! I used to be mortified, but the witch woman was unstoppable.

OP I suggest you invest in a nice selection of banana hammocks for your DH- sequins, animals, possibly lights and put them in the wash for MIL to find and never touch again.

I feel the same. My MIL did our washing when I was in hospital giving birth. She didn’t tell DH. She said to me “I’ve put all your underwear away. You’ve got no secrets from me now.” I couldn’t reply, I hated it so much.

I wouldn’t dream of doing this without asking. My laundry does not all survive on a 40 wash nor going through the tumble drier. DH is extremely risk adverse with my clothing and I only just trust him. Ruining an expensive work dress because you’re ‘being helpful’ is a very possible outcome!

I’ve seen this happen to too many friends who had relatives trying to help out. Argh!

Actually - if OP is up for admitting the embarrassment, @Confusedbeetle's suggestion is way better than mine!

Be kind. Explain it embarasses you to have dirty washing handled by anyone else. It does me too. Ask he if she wants to help, a b or c would be great

MIL does this. I used to HATE it. Now two kids later and working FT again if she wants to crack on she can.

JEEZ, @SorryDidISayThatOutLoud!

“I’ve put all your underwear away. You’ve got no secrets from me now.”

"Yeah. And the secret of you being an intrusive weirdo just busted out too, so we must be quits now".

Uuugggh!

This has come up before. My advice was to hide the washing detergent. When she calls to ask where it is you can tell her quite clearly she doesn't need to do your laundry!!

I world never dream of doing this in anyonr else's home.
It's implying you aren't keeping on top of things and need their help to sort it out.
My mil did it when I was on honeymoon and ruined clothes that shouldn't have been put in the machine/drier. They weren't even in the wash basket, I had washed them and they were drying flat over the bath.

Just tell her it's private and you don't want her doing it, or better still get your dh to tell her, insist he does.
Problem solved.

It is an invasion of privacy but I probably wouldn't want to tell her either. Next time, I would just remove anything I didn't want her to see and hide it in the wardrobe. I know you shouldn't have to but she clearly doesn't get it and probably never will.

I think that it's one of those things that anyway isn't really all that helpful.

Unless she also dried it, ironed it & put it away, it leaves something for someone else to do anyway.

Cocolapew - that's the thing, isn't it.
Having stuff being washed at 70 degrees (I have a clever machine that does temps in 10 deg increments) that should only be washed at 30 or 40 does tend to be rather detrimental to it! And also I'm quite particular about stain removal too, so bunging stuff in on a hot wash without it being pretreated tends to set the stain forever - which I may have pointed out.

She's welcome to do DH's washing but she can keep her mitts off mine and the kids' stuff.

Why do you leave period stained pants with other washing. Put into soak as soon as you are home. Yucky!!

Jeez, I must have no barriers ~ I’d love someone to do my washing. My mum never babysat anyways ~ much less any household chores. Nor MIL.

I’d be cool for anyone to wander in and do it to be honest.