To start using my Dr title everywhere?

[Fyette]

I am 35 years old, but was born with the mixed genetic blessing of always looking far younger than my actual age. I still regularly get asked for ID in pubs and even at the cinema. I have a DD and people tend to assume I am a (very) young mother.

And yes, sometimes this is nice and flattering.

But like all women, and especially young women, I seem to get patronised a lot. I especially notice it at my DDs school (and before that with the HV), or in semi-formal settings.

I have a PhD and have never used my dr title outside of work, because I don't want to seem like a twat, basically. But sometimes I feel seeming like an obnoxious twat might be preferable to having to put up with this general condescension. Perhaps if I start introducing myself as Dr Fyette I will be taken more seriously? AIBU?

(Mind you: I do not think young women without a PhD deserve to be patronised any more than I do.)

jimmyhill

I don't think it does , to me it says " YAY! Look at all these young women achieving academic excellence who should be celebrated, not expected to hide their ability as they were less than a hundred years ago when women were not even allowed to take first degrees."

I'm the same @Fyette

Sorry that was supposed to be: I'm the same @Birdsfoottrefoil

You are entitiled to use it but I don't think most people are as impressed as you think they will be. The general public are only really impressed by a medical Dr. Fine to use it in Academia but outside you just look a bit pretentious. You come across as trying to seem superior to other people. I think the problem is lots of people have worked with quite junior grades who insist on Dr on their signature block and then just come across a bit of a twat. I say this having a partner who is very proud of his PHD!

Nah, I wouldn't, I do think people who do use their Dr title have huge egos ! Doesn't sound like you do, you sound grounded, stay that way , please !

No you're not BU.

It's great that you can use a title other than Ms, Miss or Mrs . It takes away any discussion at all.

Use it.

I agree sometimes it is tempting to use the title with people who talk down to me - because: "it's only admin you do - so what do you know".
And as Germany has been mentioned:
My DH is Dr. phil. using the title in letters is considered correct in Germany, but it is optional in spoken language outside of a formal setting.
I've got a MA but the title is never used (bad form) - but this is changing esp. MA science is stated in bilingual German / English e-mail signatures .
In Austria my DH is always 'Herr Doktor' and I am 'Frau Magister' and my title preceedes the name

I am a medical Dr and also have a PhD - outside of work you will look like a twat - don't do it ( I do recognise the work involved to get there but it still makes people cringe)
This is regardless of whether you are a man or a woman

No man would be so reticent.

It’s fine OP. And the whole Miss/Ms/Mrs thing is so annoying, it’s a good way of avoiding it.

Wankers aren't screened out at the viva. Don't let the existence of wankers stop you from using your actual title.

I was indignant when the media covered Dr Sarah Wollaston's political defection and didn't use her earned qualifification.

I'd rather people thought I was young than knew I was a pompous twat.

I use mine quite a bit because it gets round the 'miss/ms/mrs' issue. I never use a title at all if I can help it, but if forced I vary between 'Ms' and 'Dr'

I've never met a male medical doctor who calls himself 'Mr' outside work and they don't seem to get much of this 'oh it's so pretentious' grief about it

I am a stickler so make sure that I address my friend's Christmas card to Mr and Dr Hisname...

However, I was registering to use an App the other day and the automated system asked "how would you like us to address you?
I originally obediently typed in "Coffee"... then I had a better idea: erased Coffee and typed "Ma'am".
So now I get automated emails which say "Hi Ma'am".... well it makes me smile and brightens up my day....

"Age and treachery will always beat youth and skill." (Macciavelli)

if i had a PHD i would write it on my forehead and only acknowledge DH & the DC if they referred to me as "DR dillusional". you earned it - use it!

I'd rather people thought I was young than knew I was a pompous twat

I think people who use Mrs are smug pompous twats. I don’t need to know if you’re married, and no, it isn’t an achievement.

Again, why is it OK for a woman to be proud of being a Mrs, but not a Dr?

We should all use Ms if adopting a title to reflect one’s circumstances makes you a twat .

I have a PhD, and am a primary school teacher. I don't use my title at work, going by Mrs Can'tkeep. I do, however, use it for official correspondence such as bank, utility bills etc.

It turns out to be quite an effective anti-fraud device ('Hello MrsCan'tkeep, we're calling from your bank..No, you aren't') and anti cold-caller mechanism 'Hello, please could I speak to Mrs Can'tkeep'...No, sorry, she's been dead for 15 years [my MiL was the last person to be officially MrsCan'tKeep].

I have only once or twice used it in a work context - either when patronised by secondary colleagues, who think I must be much less bright than they are, because i teach 9 year olds, or when challenged by a parent in that 'I know better than you because I am a ...insert fairly everyday job here.... and you are just a lowly little primary teacher' manner. It is now an open secret amongst the parent body, so I get much less of the latter now.

A pompous twat?? That's just so rude. I'd like to see you identify a gap in research, fill it and analyse it.

Dear God, MN used to be all about supporting each other and now we have posters calling women twats for wanting to use a fucking title they earned through original research.

Incidentally, because I never use it except when a title is absolutely required I think lots of my friends would say 'well my friend has a PhD and she never uses Dr' but I do, it's just they don't see my bank cards/hotel bookings/etc!

Another one here saying use it !

The thing is though a few who have mentioned they use their titles because people are condescending towards them also mention that nobody would ever think they were a doctor because they dress like slobs/scruffy - maybe its the fact that you look scruffy that people think that they can talk down to you.

Obviously you shouldn't be judged on what you wear, but if you want to be treated by others as a 'professional', maybe you need to dress like a 'professional'.

I agree, how very depressing! Pride in achievement is not pompous, nor twattish.

I plan on using the Dr title when I eventually earn my PHD years to come

Go for it! You've worked hard.