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Original poster

Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
CorBlimeyGovenor · 20/08/2019 21:48

I'm sorry but they are lying to you. You are not jealous, nor going mad! He is trying to deflect it back onto you! But honestly, it's him. Not you!

Rethymnon · 20/08/2019 21:48

Are you sure you’ve read the whole thread Saucy?

If your husband was so cruel to tell you he was not only infatuated with a woman half his age and it was thanks to his fantasising about her that the sex with you was good, wouid you say, “Oh never mind.,Yes it’s all my fault. Let’s just have a chat and think no more of it. He’s a lovely man really. Just misunderstood, poor thing. Yes let’s have sex again soon. I really feel like it now. I just need to try harder. All this silly trouble I’ve been causing for these lovely people at work..”

No you wouid not you loon!

RockinHippy · 20/08/2019 22:07

Saucy & Leah, There are many a time on here I would agree with you, I'm not sure why you are missing the point. They may not have sealed this relationship with a shag, but he definitely hopes to & has admitted to his feelings for the young woman. So in his head at least, it's only a matter of time.

Would you accept your DH doing this, admitting he wants someone more than he does you, someone probably at least half his age & then he feels its perfectly okay to bring her into the family home & you get to accept it because he says so?? The only reason nothing is happening is because the young woman isn't letting him. She seems to be enjoying the attention though, or why carry on like this when she knows her boss has feelings for her??

Would you seriously accept this from your own DPConfused

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:12

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Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:15

Can any woman on here honestly say that they haven't ever met another person since being in a relationship that they fancy.

Hands up. I have. I was very happily married but yeah, there have been men I have fancied the pants off and definitely spent time thinking about shagging. I may have even thought of them whilst shagging my husband. Most of my friends, male and female have done the same.

It is normal. And maybe he didn't even do it. Maybe he just said it to hurt his wife because he was angry with her - hell he had bloody reason to be.

Rethymnon · 20/08/2019 22:20

I mean, I thought I was about as easy going as they come, but some posters on here set the bar for self-respect and relationships so low it’s actually frightening.

That’s if you can even take them seriously.

Euromillsplz · 20/08/2019 22:22

@leigh you're back?! Enjoying the drama more than you care to admit 🤡

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:23

@Euromillsplz yeah. Like everyone else on here. Better than the crap on TV tonight.

RockinHippy · 20/08/2019 22:27

Leah

erm, nope, never have, got that shit out of my system before I settled down & got married. I can look & thing someone's attractive, but fantasise & infatuate over them, no thank you. To me that isn't a marriage & TF DH thinks the same too. I don't actually know any of our friends who think the way you do Confused

Euromillsplz · 20/08/2019 22:27

Poor OP though no? Come on, you have to have a shred of human in there @Leigh 🙃

Rethymnon · 20/08/2019 22:33

Well Leigh, speak for yourself.

If you were to tell your DH that Stephanie in your phone is actually Steve; yes he’s been in your house without you knowing; yes you think he’s “perfect” and guess what else? While he thought he was having great sex with you these last months, you were actually thinking about Steve and getting off in him. But don’t make a fuss DH, you bloody psycho.

And then, “I know let’s call Steve up so this little 20- something twit can patronise you down the phone and explain how your wife is so into him, but he’s only wanted to play with your wife, so no worries,”

What reaction would you expect in this scenario? Really?

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:35

@Rethymnon if I as jealous and insecure and had already accused my husband of having affairs when he hadn't, I'd probably not blame him to be honest.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:39

Oh, and you are totally making up a situation. Most people on this thread are totally making up the situation and twisting it to suit themselves and their projections. It's not helping the OP or her husband from sorting out the mess of their marriage. As I said earlier, they are the only two people who know the truth and it might well be that the husbands truth is not what what the thread says it is. Again if it was a woman with a jealous and insecure husband who accused her of having affairs when she wasn't what would the advice be.

Birdshitbridgegotme · 20/08/2019 22:44

Hope you are okay op. This is not your fault I matter what he says. Be kind to yourself.Hes a scumbag

Rethymnon · 20/08/2019 22:44

But he was having an affair! Or trying his best to. What’s the difference? Whether he actually had sex or not is neither here nor there. Who cares? Its the emotional deceit and lack of respect that is the relationship killer, not the physical act itself.

If you don’t mind me saying Leigh, you sound totally unhinged.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 22:48

you sound totally unhinged

For having a different opinion to you and the rest of the drama queens on this thread? For being able to appreciate that sometimes a woman can be mistaken? Or because I don't automatically jump to the conclusion that a man is cheating when he's friends with another woman and, god forbid, admits to finding her attractive?

Ok then. I'm unhinged. Cool.

Mix56 · 20/08/2019 22:50

You should confide in close family or friend.

MicCheck · 20/08/2019 22:51

@Leighhalfpennysthigh you're such a super cool wife! We should all be like you... 🙄

boopboopeedoop · 20/08/2019 22:55

Saucy99 Tue 20-Aug-19 21:37:16
I'm sorry I've read the whole thread and I think it's frankly disgusting what most posters are writing, like a baying mob shouting from the sidelines, demanding you to divorce. It's utter madness. The guy says he saved her under another name because of your jealously (from what I've read he's being pretty reasonsble). They come to your house and have s cup of tea at 9:30 on a Monday morning and your go mental at her and he leaves. All perfectly understandable from his point of view. You've behaved like s mad person. She's 20 something and married and he's 50 something and married and her boss. Your read all of their messages and what you discover? That she once said 'is wifey not letting you out to play?' no affectionate pet names? No sex talk? You've got the wrong end of the stick and, if you carry on like this, he'll be gone permanently.

Seriously people - do not give this this fool the decency of a reply - obviously no a windup knobsrus.com

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 20/08/2019 23:03

@MicCheck only on MN is cool wife used as an insult to people who believe in fairness in a relationship. My partner is very happy with me and I'm very happy with him. We trust each other implicitly and so no need for snooping or subterfuge. For cool read reasonable adult who respects their partner

It was the same with my marriage. My parents marriage and the marriages and relationships of my friends and family. Only on MN does this hysteria exist.

boopboopeedoop · 20/08/2019 23:06

*Leighhalfpennysthigh Tue 20-Aug-19 22:15:35
Can any woman on here honestly say that they haven't ever met another person since being in a relationship that they fancy.

Hands up. I have. I was very happily married but yeah, there have been men I have fancied the pants off and definitely spent time thinking about shagging. I may have even thought of them whilst shagging my husband. Most of my friends, male and female have done the same.

It is normal. And maybe he didn't even do it. Maybe he just said it to hurt his wife because he was angry with her - hell he had bloody reason to be.*

Nah, never fantasised about some other bloke as none could compare to my OH - how very sad that anyone would fantasise about another bloke/woman while 'shagging' their partner Grin Shame you're OH doesn't do it for you and you resort to that Smile

MicCheck · 20/08/2019 23:07

@Leighhalfpennysthigh you are SO COOL!

SugarHockeyIcedTea · 20/08/2019 23:09

Maybe, just maybe, we can go back and help support the OP at a really crap time which is why she started this thread?

Instead of people trying to be inflammatory to try and get an argument started.

boopboopeedoop · 20/08/2019 23:11

Agreed Sugar and I apologise for not rising about it

MicCheck · 20/08/2019 23:13

Soz OP, I've had a glass of wine and that Leigh person was being a bit of a feta.

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