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Original poster

Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
HeavenlyEyes · 19/08/2019 21:55

oh dear - how upsetting for you. So sorry.

Herewego93 · 19/08/2019 21:55

Awh Hun I'm so sorry. At least you know you're not going crazy and you were right to feel the way you did. Sorry its not a great outcome. It won't last and he will be a washed up midlife crisis whilst you'll have moved on to better things. X

shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 22:01

OP you don’t have to start to listen to anyone on here. You have to do what is best for you. Follow your gut instinct and take some time to think about what next.

Don’t post on here as all you going to get are the virtual vultures who thrive off drama and feel the need to control other people’s decisions.

Rethymnon · 19/08/2019 22:08

OP, I really am so sorry. I know it’s hard to accept, but he is no longer the man you want to think he is. He’s cruelly manipulating you and he will make you ill. It doesn’t actually matter whether he’s slept with her or not yet. He has lied to you and disrespected you. Not only you, but he’s deceiving his children as well.
If you can’t find the strength to kick him out for yourself, do it for your children.
She is deceiving her husband too. Maybe she’s leading your H on because she can? Who knows? Who cares? I wouid tell her H what has happened if you can.
I wish you all the best but you will come through this and your life will be so much better without this crippling anxiety and mistrust. Flowers He has put you through so much already. You don’t deserve this.
Hold your head high. You have not deceived your children. He has. And he will have to bear the consequences of that.

BumbleBeee69 · 19/08/2019 22:09

so he's infatuated with her.. he brought her into your home ... she is laughing at you in your own home.. and he lets her.. nobody is respecting you or your marriage, or your home.

But you know all this and as you said yourself, you won't leave, so nothing will change, in fact he has the green light to carry on, an affair now. I don't know how you move forward from this OP. Acceptance perhaps. Flowers

scaryteacher · 19/08/2019 22:10

minibroncs OP, why is it you left out of your op that you've been using false accusations of cheating to control him since the very beginning of your relationship? Seems somewhat pertinent to the way you're spinning this.

You certainly have quite the selective and emotive way with words.

Are you on the right thread, or are you the OW or the husband?

AnyFucker · 19/08/2019 22:14

He knew. OW knew. We knew. OP knew, that is why she kept repeatedly posting threads on here.

You have to get with the programme, love and FAST. He is miles ahead of you. He has been taking the piss out of you for months. He is making you an object of ridicule. Find your anger.

MrMeSeeks · 19/08/2019 22:16

Im sorry op.
No matter whether there’s wrong on both sides my heart breaks for you Flowers

Rethymnon · 19/08/2019 22:16

And take your time. Be kind to yourself. There are some people on here who seem to think they have all the quick fixes, yet unfortunately, they have about as much sensitivity as a brick and will project and get aggressive if they don’t feel you’re acting as quickly as they deem you should. Try and take it all with a pinch of salt. If it all gets too much with certain posters on here making demands and piling on the pressure, maybe book some therapy or counselling as soon and possible. Do you have support in real life?

shithappens123 · 19/08/2019 22:19

Rethymnon Agreed I hope the OP has RL support and access to counselling. Your GP can refer you to the IAPT service

notapizzaeater · 19/08/2019 22:23

He will admit the smallest thing first ...

PeculiarBerries · 19/08/2019 22:26

OP, I'm so sorry this has happened to you. Your H's love, respect and honour for you and your marriage is non-existent. You don't deserve to be treated in such an abhorrent way. Please love, respect and honour yourself enough to move onwards and upwards away from this utter creep. Letting go seems harsh at this moment, but in the long run is the best thing you could do for yourself if you have a shred of self-respect left for yourself x

Poppi89 · 19/08/2019 22:29

Even if nothing has actually happened between them (she might not feel the same) just him continuing to have a close friendship knowing he had feelings for her would be something I couldn't forgive.

Span1elsRock · 19/08/2019 22:34

This must feel really shit OP.

Don't feel backed into making any decisions though, you're in shock and need time to let yourself process all of this.

C0untDucku1a · 19/08/2019 22:37

Sorry op

womenspeakout · 19/08/2019 22:38

He has admitted he has "feelings" for her

Be prepared for more. He's conceded the littlest amount of info that he thinks he'll get away with.

Workinghardeveryday · 19/08/2019 22:54

Just seen this. What happened how are you?
Hun, every situation is different but why lie in the first place? Why was didn’t she say anything? Your worth so much more. Think about how hard you work at your family/home etc. Maybe nothing is going on, but he needs to talk and you need to actually believe him x

GirlsBlouse17 · 19/08/2019 22:57

Am sorry OP Flowers

claybakefan · 19/08/2019 22:59

I'm so sorry OP Flowers
I'm also sorry that some posters seem to be enjoying the drama.
Come on. We support each other, not mock each other. We're not really a nest of vipers.
Even though it's frustrating when the OP seems unwilling to see what's going on, she's hurting.

31RueCambon · 19/08/2019 23:01

oh dear. This is ''steve''.

He is taking the piss OP

ButtercupGirI · 19/08/2019 23:04

Please be strong, I think they both after different things, middle aged men like young women and young women want to fastrack their career. I have seen it in my own eyes.

You will need to try your best to put your feelings away and straight talk to him.

I am sorry. Flowers

MollyButton · 19/08/2019 23:07

Take time and space.
Try to keep eating.
And you don't owe people on MN anything - but do take care of yourself.

Heartburn888 · 19/08/2019 23:10

Hope you’re okay 💐

ohfourfoxache · 19/08/2019 23:11

Jesus Christ Sad

Take your time, we’re here if you need us x

RedSuitcase · 19/08/2019 23:16

So sorry OP, Flowers

@AnyFucker shut the fuck up, your posts are downright spiteful. No need to kick the woman whilst she's down

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