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Original poster

Husband brought a woman into our home

835 replies

girlsgonetame · 19/08/2019 09:37

I posted here recently about a friendship my husband has developed with a colleague. He saved her in his phone under a mans name, lied about seeing her, said it was because I was jealous and he didn't want to have to explain himself. I decided he should give me some space for a few days whilst I worked on my issues with trust and jealousy. He came home at the weekend, assured me there was nothing going on and that he loved me, loved our family, didn't want to ruin that. He told me he would maintain a friendship with this woman as they are doing nothing wrong but that he would be more honest with me about it

Fast forward to today. I am supposed to be at work today but after everything that has happened I couldn't face it so have taken the kids to holiday club with the youngest at DHs parents house and booked myself last minute leave so that I could have a day at home with nothing else planned, get some jobs done, have some time actually to myself without DC or H around

He cycled to work this morning so left really early (starts at 8)
Just before 9 a car pulled up and out they both got. She was walking around my house like she owned the place. Was I unreasonable to hit the roof? He says he'd forgotten something that he needed for a meeting this morning and she had offered to drive him as he'd cycled.

She didn't even say anything she just said "I think I'd better go and wait in the car" 

OP posts:
hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 16:53

he is her boss is the is the clincher cliche for me.

id be trying to talk to her. sod him. get the low down from her.

colourlessgreenidea · 19/08/2019 16:55

The fact that she knew where to get a cup from demonstrates that she has been in your house before.

Maybe he’d told her where the cups were before the OP entered the kitchen?

hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 16:57

nope colour
thats not a conversation any one has - ever. shes been there before.

Leighhalfpennysthigh · 19/08/2019 16:57

I'm nearly 50 and last week went to a meeting with my much younger and incredibly gorgeous male employee. Our meeting was in the part of town where he lives and we wanted a chat about it before, so I met him at his house. Which he shares with his wife. She wasn't home. I doubt she knew I was coming as it was a last minute plan.

We managed quite easily to keep our clothes on because we don't fancy each other. Even if we did, we would still have restrained ourselves because he's married, I'm engaged, I'm his boss and we were going to a meeting.

This was a non event and it's not really odd and suspicious for people working together to have a chat before a meeting. It is nit even rare for someone to forget something the they need for a meeting and to then have a lift home to pick it up. Oddly enough even having a cup,of tea together whilst talking about said meeting before going to a meeting is absolutely normal behaviour. So is leaving a situation where your boss's wife is shouting at you both for no apparent reason.

There are a lot of people on this thread who are enjoying the drama and it's not helping the OP to calm down and maybe look at her own behaviour. Someone who admits they have trust and jealousy problems may actually have trust and jealousy problems and the husband may just not be having an affair.

One thing is clear though. This marriage is over. Who would stay with someone so unstable and who stalks colleagues on social media.

SupremeDreamz · 19/08/2019 16:59

I can't work out why someone would go as far as having a fake name to hide a number, then end up having a serious conversation with their wide over the woman and THEN decide to have said woman round to the house for a cup of tea when they could be found out or seen at the very least by a neighbor.

colourlessgreenidea · 19/08/2019 17:02

nope colour
thats not a conversation any one has - ever. shes been there before.

Nobody has ever asked anyone where the cups are, in any house, anywhere in the world, ever, under any circumstances? Really? Grin

That said, this is happening in a parallel universe where illicit lovers sneak out of the office for a morning quickie, but make time for a nice cup of char before getting down to it, so perhaps you’re right and ‘where are the cups?’ is an unutterable sentence.

Mishappening · 19/08/2019 17:02

He is playing with you. He knows you are uncomfortable about this relationship and if he cared at all he would back off and let it die down. Hard for him; as we all like having our egos massaged and this OW is clearly doing a good job of it.

If she had any decency she would back off too as she now knows how you feel.

The fact that he tried to conceal her identity on his phone says it all - not that he is necessarily into her knickers, but that he knows it is not appropriate and that you would have every right to not like it.

yikesanddang · 19/08/2019 17:03

OP, if my DH was doing something that upset me as much as this 'friendship' is upsetting you, he woud stop. Even if I was being unreasonable as MY HAPPINESS IS IMPORTANT TO HIM. More important than some other random friendship. If I banned him from having any friends then that would be something else but you do not do this. That your DH PRIORITISES this friendship over your happiness tells you all you need to know honey.

messolini9 · 19/08/2019 17:11

nope colour
thats not a conversation any one has - ever. shes been there before.

Loads of people have that conversation: "the mugs are in that cupboard to your left there".

I'm so much less concerned about whether they have DTD, than how DH is fecking with OP's psychology & emotional wellbeing. There isn't an ounce of love coming through from him, between the lines of OP's posts.

IamtheOA · 19/08/2019 17:12

Never mind if they were about to shag or if he invited her in on the pretext of tea, and was hoping for more...

There isn't even one scrap of respect here. Their marriage is hanging by a thread and he brings her home?

ZenNudist · 19/08/2019 17:12

LTB

LizzieMacQueen · 19/08/2019 17:14

Was he your boss once?

Just wondering if he has type for this ( not read your other thread )

hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 17:15

Well ok but in this scenario it wasn't innocent.
My presumption is she knew where the mugs were.

HouseholdPlantMurderer · 19/08/2019 17:17

My presumption is she knew where the mugs were.

Tbf they are in 2 places in 99% of kitchens.
Either hanging or in top cupboard nearest to the kettle. He also could have told her before OP got downstairs

PasDeGeeGees · 19/08/2019 17:18

When I was in my 20's I had a very good friendship and working relationship with my boss, who was older than me. If I'd given him a lift to his house for him to pick up some forgotten paperwork, then no way in a million years would I have ever accepted an invitation to go into the house and have a nice cup of tea whilst looking through the papers prior to a meeting.

FuckFacePlatapus · 19/08/2019 17:19

Oh ffs @girlsgonetame "She" is not doing anything to you, YOUR CHEATING MARRIED HUSBAND IS.

You wont listen and will take him back like you always do, then be back on here next time he does it.

I know i am being harsh but bloody hell he is not going to "Stop" seeing her, its never going to go back to the way it was. If he wanted to be with you he would not be shagging "Steve" from work.

Fairenuff · 19/08/2019 17:24

Everyone is suggesting that I leave but for me that's just not an option.

Then you will just have to turn a blind eye to his shagging around and pretend that you believe his story.

BarleyG · 19/08/2019 17:30

I’m inclined to agree with the platypus. Now there’s a sentence I’ve never said before. Sorry OP, no marriage is worth this much stress and mistrust. Take it from a divorcee Hmm

hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 17:33

Ok

She is way to familiar with the layout of iOS house who describes her as walking around like she owned the place.

That is very odd. Very .
Wagering it's not innocent based on past experience. 🤷🏻‍♀️

dillusionaldog · 19/08/2019 17:34

i know this isnt helpful but in reply to your "i dont know what she would see in him"....ive worked in offices where stunningly beautiful young girls have slept with mediocre looking old men bosses. Mainly for the office status or they like the power the gentleman has. His looks and age dont matter in this situation. Look at Harvey Weinstein (some of those women slept with him out of choice to advance their careers).

MummyOfTwo92 · 19/08/2019 17:35

Sorry OP, it does sound to me like he is cheating.
Why would he touch her arm?
Save her number as something else?
And why the hell is he discussing your relationship with her?

minibroncs · 19/08/2019 17:35

OP, why is it you left out of your op that you've been using false accusations of cheating to control him since the very beginning of your relationship? Seems somewhat pertinent to the way you're spinning this.

You certainly have quite the selective and emotive way with words.

hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 17:37

And if it was the first time in someone else's house I would expect them to make the tea. I'd feel extremely cheeky and uncomfortable rifling through their kitchen cupboard

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 19/08/2019 17:37

There are some reasonable explanations for a lot of it however the bit I wouldn't be able to get past is storing her name as a mans name in his phone. That's the bit that makes it scream affair to me.

hellenbackagen · 19/08/2019 17:40

You know what op?
Trust is gone . I'd end it anyway because of this . Thanks

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