Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not expect father to turn up at play date venue and stay all day

149 replies

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 20:43

My son had a friend over for a play date last week. The child's parents knew where we were going. Both parents work part-time and I had said to the mum when I invited the child that she was welcome to join us if she wasn't working. I don't know her terribly well but the venue has an entry fee for non-members and I can get friends and family in on my membership. She declined and said she would be working.
The child was dropped off at my place with a bit of pocket money by the dad. He said that he could give us I ride to the park area to which we were going but I said no thanks as my son wanted to show his friend his room and toys.and we wouldn't be going straight away.
When we arrived at the playdate venue there was the dad and the younger sibling. It was very awkward. I don't know the father and he is not very talkative. He stayed there all day, mostly on his is the phone.
My son's friend was going to come back to our place afterwards for something to eat and a bit more playing but plans were changed after the boy said his dad would have to take him to somewhere else at 4.
I found the whole day hugely stressful and felt really angry. I can't imagine turning up at a playdate of my son's unannounced and staying all-day. The boy is in my son's class and I will see the parents regularly so I didn't pretty much bit my lip. I did say to the dad that I didn't realise he and his daughter were coming.

OP posts:
73Sunglasslover · 16/08/2019 20:45

I think the dad was taking the younger sibling and not meaning to interfere with the play date.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 20:46

Very odd. Was he going anyway (is it a leisure centre type place) or do you think he was keeping a eye on you?!

reginafelangee · 16/08/2019 20:47

Maybe dad thought your invitation to mum to stay applied to him.

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 20:49

It was strange that he dropped the boy off and offered us a ride there. Puzzled he didn't say we have decided to go too. That would have been slightly less unusual. I could have got him in for free.

OP posts:
EndLegalFiction · 16/08/2019 20:50

OP um do you look like this?

to not expect father to turn up at play date venue and stay all day
HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 20:50

Well, he’s clearly a member, if he didn’t avail of your member’s discount. In his shoes I’d have told you I was going anyway and offered to bring your ds along with my two.

Iamtooknackeredtorun · 16/08/2019 20:51

Angry? Really? It’s not really something to get het up about is it? Given you don’t know the mum why did you invite her?

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 20:55

I don't know the mum particularly well but have chatted with her. They are not members the boy had never been before and was excited.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 16/08/2019 20:55

You told the mother she was welcome to stay but you're angry that the father did?

lilieyes · 16/08/2019 20:56

I found the whole day hugely stressful

How? Am I missing something here?

The younger sibling may have got upset on the way home and the Dad might have just said alright then, let's go.

Luxplus · 16/08/2019 21:00

I really don't get this non issue Shock

LaMainDeFatima · 16/08/2019 21:00

Sounds odd and awkward . Not sure if stressful though

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 21:01

How expensive is the entry fee? It’s clearly open to non members as well Confused. Is it the Zoo?

Alb1 · 16/08/2019 21:01

If you don’t no either parent well I don’t see why the dad being there is bad but the mum not, and you say he wasn’t very chatty but if you were angry all day I doubt you were very welcoming either. His approach was strange but I don’t see the big deal seen as you we’re happy for the mum to join. Sounds like there may have been a miscommunication between him and his DP, maybe she said she should come and get their DD out of the house too, and he just managed it awkwardly and thought you were aware he was coming. Then he offered a lift, you said no, so he went himself and paid for himself as it’d be awkward him waiting outside and asking for entry when you’d turned down his lift...

tigger001 · 16/08/2019 21:03

I really can't see how that would get you "angry".
He's obviously left his son to get on with the play date, not wanting to interfere, then the plans changed and he took his son wherever they had to go.
He may gave thought his wife told you he was also going, so that's why he said, do you want me to give you a lift, he may not have thought he had to add he was going, as his wife had already told you.

Either way hardly a reason to get angry.

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 21:05

Wouldn't have been angry if the dad had said he was going or texted or something. It's not that close to where I live so it was a bit strange seeing him there. Mums chatting in the playground is a fairly regular occurrence at my son's school so I guess I would have felt a bit more comfortable with someone I knew a little. I really didn't know the dad.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 21:06

Maybe you need to stop assuming that your membership gives you exclusivity, op? He decided to take his youngest to a kids play park, there’ll have been plenty of others there that didn’t need you to extend an invitation either.
Besides, by inviting the Mum you probably gave the impression that you expected another adult to be there so one of them felt obliged to be.

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 21:07

His wife texted me whilst the boys were playing at home. No indication that the husband was coming.

OP posts:
HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 21:08

What did she text you?

tigger001 · 16/08/2019 21:08

Wouldn't have been angry if the dad had said he was going or texted or something.
Am I missing why he has to inform you he is going with his other child ?

tigger001 · 16/08/2019 21:10

Is it not a public place ?

HiJenny35 · 16/08/2019 21:10

It might of been that they didn't feel 100% comfortable with you taking their child out. I've had this before, parents asks my child round to play, I say yes and then it's "great I'm going to take them in the bus to x" nope, im happy to drop my child off at yours and collect the at yours not for you to take them somewhere. However if you said from the start then I'd assume that as you said come along mum said to dad to go along as your offered and it would be nice for younger sibling. Can't understand what there's to be angry about .

Alb1 · 16/08/2019 21:11

It’s still no reason to be angry is it, he came to a public place with his child were his other child was playing. He tried to be nice offering you a lift... you’ve over reacted here.

lilieyes · 16/08/2019 21:11

But he didn't go with you. He just went to a public place that you were also at.

It could have been an opportunity to get to know him, instead you chose to find it hugely stressful and felt really angry. It's a shame really.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 21:13

He probably thinks you’re a bit nuts, having effectively invited him along and then refusing to travel with him! No wonder he hid on his phone.