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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not expect father to turn up at play date venue and stay all day

149 replies

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 20:43

My son had a friend over for a play date last week. The child's parents knew where we were going. Both parents work part-time and I had said to the mum when I invited the child that she was welcome to join us if she wasn't working. I don't know her terribly well but the venue has an entry fee for non-members and I can get friends and family in on my membership. She declined and said she would be working.
The child was dropped off at my place with a bit of pocket money by the dad. He said that he could give us I ride to the park area to which we were going but I said no thanks as my son wanted to show his friend his room and toys.and we wouldn't be going straight away.
When we arrived at the playdate venue there was the dad and the younger sibling. It was very awkward. I don't know the father and he is not very talkative. He stayed there all day, mostly on his is the phone.
My son's friend was going to come back to our place afterwards for something to eat and a bit more playing but plans were changed after the boy said his dad would have to take him to somewhere else at 4.
I found the whole day hugely stressful and felt really angry. I can't imagine turning up at a playdate of my son's unannounced and staying all-day. The boy is in my son's class and I will see the parents regularly so I didn't pretty much bit my lip. I did say to the dad that I didn't realise he and his daughter were coming.

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 17/08/2019 05:45

Mums chatting in the playground is a fairly regular occurrence
This is the saddest thing in this thread. Do the dads just get ignored? Seems so from the rest of the OPs posts. I so hope it wasn't like this in our primary playground. Lots of the dads picked up and seemed to be included in the playground chat.

Poor bloke.

BlackCatSleeping · 17/08/2019 06:15

I do think it’s a bit weird he was there but not a huge deal. He was obviously happy being ignored.

PenelopeFlintstone · 17/08/2019 08:21

She didn't ignore him though. She said she tried to talk to him but he made it clear he wanted to get back to his phone

floribunda18 · 17/08/2019 08:28

Surprised at the responses on here. I wouldn't be angry, but I would find it weird and awkward that the dad turned up at the same place.

If you aren't comfortable with another parent being in loco parentis of your child, then don't let them go, don't send the dad to check up.

floribunda18 · 17/08/2019 08:32

If under 10 years old I’d be staying around to keep an eye or sending my DH too

That is absolutely batshit.

AdalindMeisner · 17/08/2019 08:35

Open to the public? Father was there with a child, not alone? Angry? Geez laady, give your head a wobble! 😂

Bertieandernie · 17/08/2019 08:41

@Mummyoflittledragon you think he should of explained his plans? Hmm what’s it got to do with anyone else what he does with his own daughter. Doesn’t need OP’s permission FML

EvaHarknessRose · 17/08/2019 08:43

He was instructed by his wife who couldn’t join you or she suggested he go too and when the lift was turned down he didn’t know how to adapt the plan - in fact tbh she prob told him you were going together so he prob thinks you are very rude not accepting the lift or not inviting him in. They were just splitting parenting equally, not considering it an adult social.

ittakes2 · 17/08/2019 08:47

I think its weird but it wouldn't make me angry.

TeachesOfPeaches · 17/08/2019 08:49

Sounds like he thought you were all going together which is why he offered the lift.

gamerwidow · 17/08/2019 08:50

I dint see the problem really. You made it clear you didn’t want to hang out with him at the venue so he gave you your own space. He probably thinks you’re a bit rude because you invited an adult with his son and then said actually you can’t come. He’d probably already told the youngest we’re going on a play date so that’s why he took them to the venue anyway. Just a misunderstanding of what the day involved on both parts, nothing to be angry about.
If I had seen the dad there I would have gone over to chat and said oh I didn’t realise you were coming and made the chance to make a new parent acquaintance.

Bertieandernie · 17/08/2019 08:52

@flamingpink give me a break Grin CRB checked for a play date 😂😂😂 it’s also DBS now but still

Kewlwifee · 17/08/2019 08:53

Considering they don't know you, they probably didn't want you alone for hours with their child. OR Fad got a vibe off of you and made a split second decision not to leave you totally alone with the kid.

gamerwidow · 17/08/2019 08:53

This is the saddest thing in this thread. Do the dads just get ignored?
So daft isn’t it? There are some kids in DDs class where I only know the dad because the mum doesn’t drop off. Dads aren’t aliens they’re just as capable of having a chat.

Oldbutstillgotit · 17/08/2019 09:03

@flamingpink CRB check for a play date ?? Give me strength ! The world has gone mad if anyone thinks like that .

SimonJT · 17/08/2019 09:06

@AngelasAshes I get this, it’s annoying. I have had a few preschool mums say “Can I have your wife/girlfriends phone number so MiniSJT can come round to play?”

Hang on, so I do every drop off and pick, I go to every play etc which they know as they also do every drop off etc, yet they’re requesting the number of someone they have never seen (and doesn’t actually exist). It’s really frustrating, probably the same type of person who complains about their partner being a crap parent.

OP Did you invite him in for a drink etc? If not it probably dawned on him that you were being rude and certainly not welcoming, and there aren’t many people who would want to make lots of small talk with someone like that.

Yeahnahmum · 17/08/2019 09:09

He didnt come to your house and hang out there all day, now did he...
So how is it all so "stressful" for you?Hmm

greenlynx · 17/08/2019 09:37

I don’t think he’s supervising you, OP. More like he took younger sibling and didn’t want to interfere with the play date hence looking at the phone all the time. There probably was some misunderstanding about pick up but that’s it.
It also doesn’t sound strange to me that you were at the same place at the same time. We have a few venues near by and usually meet someone else while visiting. One of them about 8 miles and another more like 20 but very popular.

HeadintheiClouds · 17/08/2019 09:47

I wouldn’t worry about him ever forcing his presence on you again, op!
Poor bugger is probably still paranoid he forgot to wear deodorant yesterday...

katewhinesalot · 17/08/2019 09:50

It's weird in that why didn't he say. Then it wouldn't have been weird.

Seeline · 17/08/2019 10:21

He probably didn't think you would even see him in such a large area.

The fact that he was on his phone most of the time tells me he didn't want to engage in chit chat, and was signalling to you to just get on with your day. I don't see how it could have been so stressful 😕

Vivi890 · 17/08/2019 10:32

You were unreasonable! You invited the mum and said she was welcome to join you, presumably with her other child, so the child could get in free using your membership. She wasn’t busy so decided to send her husband instead as you had said you’d get them in for free!! And then you refused to even let them in the house or travel there with them and and then were, from what it sounds like, rude and grumpy when he was there so he felt obliged to just sit on his phone. I think you created this awkward situation, although you probably didn’t mean to.

donquixotedelamancha · 17/08/2019 12:04

This is the saddest thing in this thread. Do the dads just get ignored?

Often, yes.

Goldenbear · 17/08/2019 12:41

Yes, i think it's as PP said, if they don't really know you, they may have thought it appropriate to not so subtley be around. One of my DC's friend's Dad is like this but is fine now we all know each other well.

SimonJT · 17/08/2019 13:25

This is the saddest thing in this thread. Do the dads just get ignored?

Yes, or actively avoided.