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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to not expect father to turn up at play date venue and stay all day

149 replies

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 20:43

My son had a friend over for a play date last week. The child's parents knew where we were going. Both parents work part-time and I had said to the mum when I invited the child that she was welcome to join us if she wasn't working. I don't know her terribly well but the venue has an entry fee for non-members and I can get friends and family in on my membership. She declined and said she would be working.
The child was dropped off at my place with a bit of pocket money by the dad. He said that he could give us I ride to the park area to which we were going but I said no thanks as my son wanted to show his friend his room and toys.and we wouldn't be going straight away.
When we arrived at the playdate venue there was the dad and the younger sibling. It was very awkward. I don't know the father and he is not very talkative. He stayed there all day, mostly on his is the phone.
My son's friend was going to come back to our place afterwards for something to eat and a bit more playing but plans were changed after the boy said his dad would have to take him to somewhere else at 4.
I found the whole day hugely stressful and felt really angry. I can't imagine turning up at a playdate of my son's unannounced and staying all-day. The boy is in my son's class and I will see the parents regularly so I didn't pretty much bit my lip. I did say to the dad that I didn't realise he and his daughter were coming.

OP posts:
CookPassBabtridge · 16/08/2019 22:08

I don't understand why it was awkward and you were so angry? Weren't you just sat witht a cuppa relaxing while the boys played? His daughter probably wanted to go too.

mcmooberry · 16/08/2019 22:11

I think it's a bit odd him doing that without saying he was taking the daughter there. Some people are acting like it's the local and only softplay or something, it doesn't sound like that!

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 16/08/2019 22:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mathanxiety · 16/08/2019 22:18

Did you end up supervising the younger sibling as well as DS and the friend?

I can understand why you found it stressful. I would have felt I was under scrutiny all day, and very odd with no friendly vibes coming from the dad.

mathanxiety · 16/08/2019 22:21

I agree 100 percent with everything JoySuckClub said.

1000 percent if that was possible.

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 22:23

It was Kew Gardens maybe 7 or 8 miles from my home. I did talk to the dad and he was interested in getting back to his phone.

OP posts:
Sportsnight · 16/08/2019 22:24

It’s totally weird to go to the same place your child is having a play date without saying you’re going to. Of course the OP feels like the guy might be checking up on her/ worried he didn’t think the son would be ok with her.

I imagine had he said “Ds is nervous so I’ll tag along and keep out of the way”, it would have been fine. Just turning up and doggedly staring at your screen is exceptionally bizarre behaviour and I can’t believe people don’t think it’s weird!

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 22:25

His child is lovely. Relaxed and friendly.

OP posts:
Boots20 · 16/08/2019 22:27

Maybe he thought he had to be there, maybe wife said to him something like 'hey the mum had invited me to go but I cant so you will have to take him' so he probably felt awkward so kept himself glued to phone.

1arlingtonroad · 16/08/2019 22:34

I found the whole day hugely stressful and felt really angry, wow ,really. Maybe play dates aren’t for you. This is an extreme overreaction

TregunaMekoides · 16/08/2019 22:40

Didn't you say anything to him? About you not expecting to see him there? And did you not speak to him about the boy coming back to yours afterwards?
Thinking on it as I'm writing, did anything happen to make the mum or dad feel the boy wouldn't have been safe with you?

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 22:41

Had lots of play dates. Never had another parent turn up unannouced to a venue 7-8 miles from home. Play dates generally a good idea especially during the holidays.

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 16/08/2019 22:43

It might not necessarily have been unannounced.

You invited the Mum, maybe she mentioned it to her husband and thought it was for either parent so decided to go to with the youngest child.

Maybe it then became awkward because he thought he was invited and you didn't. Sounds like miscommunication to me.

cochineal7 · 16/08/2019 22:44

Kew Gardens is massive. Did he stay with you all the time or go his own way?

Vasya · 16/08/2019 22:44

I think his behaviour was a bit odd, but definitely not worth being stressed or angry over. Sometimes people are just a bit weird.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 22:45

God, surely Kew Gardens was big enough for the two of you! It’s not a “venue”, it’s a gigantic park Confused

Lumene · 16/08/2019 22:46

How old are the children on the play date? Why are you not happy with the dad joining but fine with the mum?

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 22:46

True. Maybe miscommunication. Still find it a bit odd he didn'y say he was going too when he dropped off his son. They were there when we arrived.

OP posts:
TregunaMekoides · 16/08/2019 22:48

Maybe the girl kicked off in the car about wanting to go too and he couldn't be bothered to argue

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 22:58

Kew Gardens is huge but the children wanted to go to the childrens playground and then it started to end and we went to Climbers and Creepers.

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PenelopeFlintstone · 16/08/2019 23:00

Of course it’s weird, Op. Don’t let all these people tell you that you’re nuts.
In the woke world of some MNetters, all women and men have equal numbers of male and female friends. In the real world, not so much.
In this case either of the mum or dad turning up without mentioning it would have been very odd behaviour especially as he then basically ignored you. You would’ve been stuck there: too rude if you moved away so stuck with him ignoring you on his phone.
So you are definitely not being unreasonable.

Hopoindown31 · 16/08/2019 23:03

So you invited the mum but got weirded out that the dad decided to go instead with his other child?

Sounds a little bit sexist to me

Indeed, parenting while male.

whatislifenahnah · 16/08/2019 23:05

I know it was weird Penelope Flintstone. A bit of a shame for the boys too. They were looking forward to coming back here and playing on the ipad for a bit.

OP posts:
ThatssomebadhatHarry · 16/08/2019 23:07

7 whole miles away. You mean like 10mins car journey!

You sound precious op.

HeadintheiClouds · 16/08/2019 23:09

Well, it’s not a shame that they missed out in playing on the iPad, so that’s just nonsense

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