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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let daughter grow a unibrow?

179 replies

Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 21:14

As you all may know, I have one ds (twelve years old) and a fifteen year old daughter.
My ds is on the spectrum, dd suspected and i'm currently suspecting it in myself too.
dd's father (we are now divorced) is from the middle east type area (a mix of Syria, Iran etc) so dd has very thick dark hair and grows facial hair very easily.
she's quite insecure about this. It breaks my heart when i hear her talk about how she wishes to be english like me and her brother, she's experienced racism from classmates Sad
But she's recently discovered a 'model' on instagram called Sophia Hadjipentali? If that's the wrong spelling, I apologise.
Now, don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful woman, but she has a quite awful looking unibrow Hmm I don't know if it's to get attention, but she flaunts it around on instagram like some sort of fashion accessory.
Dd usually shaves her unibrow off, but these past few weeks she has been refusing. I personally think it looks awful. She's very beautiful, dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair etc and I think she could pull off a lot of things but not a bloody unibrow and a mustache Hmm
Now it's her body and she can do what she wants with it but I don't want to upset her.
What do you think? This probably sounds strange but advice would be appreciated! x

OP posts:
LiveInAHidingPlace · 15/08/2019 23:13

nosauce, if my 15 year old daughter had the confidence to be herself, I'd be fucking thrilled.

ysmaem · 15/08/2019 23:17

I suggest you let her get on with it and see how she gets on with it

Shplot · 15/08/2019 23:17

I can not believe the amount of bitchiness here. Women all look different and should be celebrated and taught that looks aren’t everything.

rosegoldwatcher · 15/08/2019 23:25

I would advise that you sit down with your daughter and watch Kathy Burke All Woman.

1stmonkey · 15/08/2019 23:28

if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her

Cannot believe that i just read this. The crux of your post is that you're ashamed of daughters natural face. I seriously hope you're supermodel standard yourself. Disgusting comment.

Cherrysherbet · 15/08/2019 23:29

Just googled the model. Was going to tell you YABU, but after seeing a picture of what you mean, no way would I want my Daughter to have a unibrow. YANBU

HairyDogsOfThigh · 15/08/2019 23:32

Surely you just want her to be happy, so support her in her choice.
If she is bullied because of it, then deal with the bullying, not by making her change her appearance, but by tackling the bullies.

I seriously hope you meant something else by this:
but if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her.
If you did mean it, then your daughter has way more problems than facial hair.

AmaryllisNightAndDay · 15/08/2019 23:34

The model looks odd but that's partly because in some of the pictures she exaggerates it and partly because it's such a big contrast with her bleached hair. Against her natural hair colour heavy black brows would look much more ordinary. Also in the photo you posted the model's lips look odder than her eyebrows.

Your DD is experimenting. She needs to figure things out for herself. She may change her mind or she may not, it's up to her. I know you want to protect her and she has an ASC but she's already aware of other people's attitudes so you are not really adding anything useful by trying to stop her.

I don't really like the model's eyebrows but then again I personally think that dark shaved eyebrows mostly look worse than a natural (not deliberately exaggerated) monobrow because the shaved or plucked skin usually has a greyish look which I dislike (on myself as much as on other people). Tastes vary.

Looks unnatural.

And shaved looks more natural to you? The model's brows look unnatural because they are unnatural, she has dyed them darker. I would worry if simply not shaving looks unnatural to you. Your DD may choose to go natural or to exaggerate for effect. It's her decision to make.

I just really don't want to offend you all, but if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her

I'm sorry to hear that, I hope you can get over it, for your DD's sake and your own.

Ilovemypantry · 15/08/2019 23:45

I’ve never heard of this model before but having just seen the photo of her, I can’t believe she is actually a model! She looks ridiculous...pumped up lips and a hideous mono brow. What is the world coming to

wacademia · 15/08/2019 23:48

I'm not very proud of how I look myself.

So don't teach your daughter your own body shame.

The beauty standards that women are held to are a) artificial and b) as racist as fuck. Black girls in the US have been sent home from school for wearing "afros", aka their hair growing in its natural unmodified form. Black women in the UK have been denied jobs because they wore their hair in little braids and then bunned the braids.

When black women and girls are required to chemically straighten their hair in order to attend school or have a job, it puts a burden on them that white women don't face. I speak as a white woman who last went to a hairdresser over a decade ago and yet has a university career. When Asian and Latina women and girls are required to shave or pluck a unibrow for daily acceptance, it puts a burden on them that white women don't have to face. Yes, many white women pluck, but we don't have to: I last did five years ago to be a bridesmaid and don't face hostility for this.

As your DD's mother, you have a job to teach her that racists gonna be racist and haters gonna hate, but she doesn't have to appease these people. That she has a right to exist in her body as it is, unmodified. That the beauty industry is racist as fuck and exists to siphon her money into the offshore bank accounts of rich white men and she has every damn right to ignore it. It's not going to be an easy job, I grant you. Nonetheless, you need to do it.

I echo what PP said about Frida Kahlo as a role model.

FiddlesticksAkimbo · 15/08/2019 23:48

My view:

a) Unibrows look awful. I don't see anything misogynistic in that. They look awful on men too. As do moustaches. Both sexes engage in facial hair removal to look better, men far more so.

b) If she wants to grow it then you should let her. Teenage boys look particularly ridiculous when they attempt to cultivate some sort of wispy moustachios, but they'll soon get the feedback/ridicule of their peers, and it's pretty easy to shave it back off - it's not exactly a spider-web facial tattoo!

cauliflowersqueeze · 15/08/2019 23:50

I would talk to her and explain that some people might make fun of her for this but it is her choice and if she changes her mind that’s fine too.

You’re only worried because of the reactions she might face - that’s understandable.

Croquembou · 15/08/2019 23:57

if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her

Wow. That's quite shocking to read.

cheeseandbiscuitss · 15/08/2019 23:58

Well I don't like my OH to have yellow and dirty teeth so he goes to the dentist. Just like I want him to take care of his body by exercising and not over indulging.

Ultimately, OP. Doesn't want her daughter being teased. YANBU OP, it's great she has time Morris, but long term it could cause s big effect on her mental Hadith. Keep an eye and guide as you feel necessary

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 16/08/2019 00:02

@cheeseandbiscuitss

Personal hygiene is different to personal aesthetic preference.
A unibrow isn't gross. Bad oral hygiene is.

PickAChew · 16/08/2019 00:03

Fucksake, leave her alone and let her work out what she can live with. I'm a dark haired and hirsuit woman. Not keen on my eyebrows breeding (it itches, funnily enough, don't care about other peoples opinions) but let it grow where I don't care so much.

If your DD doesn't like her mono brow or the reactions she gets, she'll deal with it. If she doesn't care, more power to her elbow.

VenusTiger · 16/08/2019 00:05

I think it’s “easier” for someone in the spotlight and who is older than your DD to pull this off - she’ll have followers who will have her back and she’s a grown woman - I don’t think your DD should do it, the timing isn’t right, in that, if she’s already being/has been picked on, this will just make things worse for her.
If she wants to stand out and/or be different then fine, but I don’t think now is the time and school might not allow it (?)
Tell her to wait, it’s like a fashion statement and she’s too young yet to deal with the judgemental BS

PickAChew · 16/08/2019 00:10

Why the hell wouldn't school allow a girl to have her natural eyebrows?

That is a new thing in uniform regulations to me. "no less than 14mm of clean skin must separate a girl's eyebrows".

cauliflowersqueeze · 16/08/2019 00:12

Of course school will allow it!!

1Wildheartsease · 16/08/2019 00:15

Aren't her eyebrows part of her heritage? Wouldn't making her to remove them be very like insisting that she lighten her skin colour?

It would be bad not to want to walk with your daughter because she wasn't white enough.

Bullies will pick something. If she removes part of her natural self she is likely to feel more vulnerable . There will always be the fear that the 'shameful brow' is growing back.

Chienloup · 16/08/2019 00:16

Your daughter isn't going back to look like Sophia though is she? Sophia's eyebrows aren't in their natural state, they are very enhanced. But by wearing them that way she paving a path for girls like your daughter to embrace their own natural hair. Yes, SH's eyebrows do look ott, but that's because as a model her thing is a strong look. Your daughter is going to grow in her natural brows, not copy SH's embellished look.
Our society has a very Caucasian-centric view of beauty. But your daughter isn't Caucasian, and yet you seem to want her to go for this Caucasian image, which isn't her natural look. You were also very quick to point out that she gets her middle-eastern looks from her father, as if you wanted people to know that she didn't get them from you. To me it seems that you are embarrassed of your mixed-race child, and that is an awful way for a mother to think of her own daughter. Please don't let your daughter grow up feeling shameful of her ethnicity.

Greeborising · 16/08/2019 00:18

Omg! I’ve just googled this Sophia bird and I’ve never seen anything like it!
It’s horrific!
I’m all for supporting our kids in how they want to present themselves but..........
It reminds me of Oddbod from Carry On Screaming!

riotlady · 16/08/2019 00:25

I’m really sad for this girl that her mother has such a negative reaction to the way she naturally looks. I think it’s beautiful that she’s found a role model and is embracing her natural features, good for her!

wacademia · 16/08/2019 00:26

Well I don't like my OH to have yellow and dirty teeth so he goes to the dentist.

Because tooth decay and hair growth are exactly the same. FFS. Shaving and plucking actually damage the skin. Ever had razor rash or infected hair follicles? That's what I'm on about. Not getting dental care harms the teeth. Arguably, shaving is more like not seeing the dentist than not shaving is.

ReanimatedSGB · 16/08/2019 00:42

By the way, if you piss and moan about your DC's hairstyles, you are twats as well. Hair grows back. Hair is the thing that is safest for DC to use as a means of self-expression, whether they look silly or fabulous.
And if you teach your DC that they need to conform otherwise it's their fault if they get bullied, then you are a shitty parent and a feeble human being.