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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let daughter grow a unibrow?

179 replies

Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 21:14

As you all may know, I have one ds (twelve years old) and a fifteen year old daughter.
My ds is on the spectrum, dd suspected and i'm currently suspecting it in myself too.
dd's father (we are now divorced) is from the middle east type area (a mix of Syria, Iran etc) so dd has very thick dark hair and grows facial hair very easily.
she's quite insecure about this. It breaks my heart when i hear her talk about how she wishes to be english like me and her brother, she's experienced racism from classmates Sad
But she's recently discovered a 'model' on instagram called Sophia Hadjipentali? If that's the wrong spelling, I apologise.
Now, don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful woman, but she has a quite awful looking unibrow Hmm I don't know if it's to get attention, but she flaunts it around on instagram like some sort of fashion accessory.
Dd usually shaves her unibrow off, but these past few weeks she has been refusing. I personally think it looks awful. She's very beautiful, dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair etc and I think she could pull off a lot of things but not a bloody unibrow and a mustache Hmm
Now it's her body and she can do what she wants with it but I don't want to upset her.
What do you think? This probably sounds strange but advice would be appreciated! x

OP posts:
ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 15/08/2019 21:31

I don't know if it's to get attention, but she flaunts it around on Instagram like some sort of fashion accessory.

I personally think it looks awful.

she could pull off a lot of things but not a bloody unibrow and a moustache

Now it's her body and she can do what she wants with it but...

You've got a lot of internalised misogyny smouldering away in there. Like, a lot. Your daughter has discovered a role modal who helps her feel less insecure about her appearance, reclaim something she's faced racist abuse for, and understand that she doesn't have to modify her body to fit white beauty norms. Are you really here asking how you can discourage that?!

I've just looked up that modal you mentioned and I think she looks fantastic. Very Frida Kahlo. Maybe stop picking on your daughter and try working on your own issues with judging women by their looks.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/08/2019 21:32

It's her body. It's great to hear she's learning to accept her body. Perhaps you should try to do the same.

MadameButterface · 15/08/2019 21:32

“some adults still now, have issues stemmed from childhood bullying”

And plenty more have far worse issues stemming from their parents being overly critical and controlling and making them feel shit about aspects of themselves that they cannot control, for eg how much hair grows out of them and what colour and texture it is

SexFarmWoman · 15/08/2019 21:32

I'm glad that others agree on how awful she looks

Can we see your photo?

Biancadelrioisback · 15/08/2019 21:33

The modeling industry is trying to showcase models who are not the norm (for the industry) such as the models who have vitiligo, hairy models etc. So of course this model is using this as a fashion accessory. It's making her stand out.

Personally I don't like the look either, but you can't tell your DD not to look how she naturally does...

Celebelly · 15/08/2019 21:33

Yeesh.

AIBU to not let daughter grow a unibrow?
Mystarisup · 15/08/2019 21:33

Frida Kahlo is a better role model, hurrah to your daughter and point her towards Kahlo, who...

...considered her image on precisely her own terms, celebrating her features.

InsertFunnyUsername · 15/08/2019 21:34

Sorry but SH eyebrows are awful. Kids wouldn't just tease over them, she would be outright targeted every day.

MN is weird, cant name your child Lily Mae because its chavvy, who will take it seriously, kids will bully etc but a unibrow like SH will cause no bother and YABU to think otherwise.

Celebelly · 15/08/2019 21:35

I think the sad reality is that yes, she probably will get made fun of for it. She shouldn't be, of course, but teenage girls (and boys) aren't like that. If she's the kind of girl who can shrug that off and not care then great. But if she's not, then it's more tricky. Of course you can't stop her, but I think you both need to be ready for the consequences, even though in an ideal world there wouldn't be any.

carly2803 · 15/08/2019 21:35

no absolutely suggest she shaves it.

girls are flipping horrible at school. she will get bullied.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/08/2019 21:39

I'd support her decision and deal with any bullying with the help of the school. Surely her being happy in herself with a parent who supports her choices is better for her self esteem than a parent who sees one aspect of her appearance as "awful".

Original poster
Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 21:39

@MaxNormal It does. That's why I dislike it. Looks unnatural.

OP posts:
MadameButterface · 15/08/2019 21:41

Horrible girls who pick on those who look different inevitably turn into horrible women who pick on those who look different

Just a thought, reading this thread Hmm

Csleeptime · 15/08/2019 21:43

You said she is already getting bullied? Is there a nice way to approach this, e.g. encourage her that she should do whatever makes her feel most comfortable, but prepare her that it's not how other kids look at school and therefore she will get bullied for it. I'm not saying she should change for other kids but I'm saying she needs to be aware her decisions will get her crap at school.

She also as other posters said needs to not think her mother doesn't think she looks beautiful naturally without removing hair. You must not knock her self esteem here so whatever you decide go very carefully.

skybluee · 15/08/2019 21:43

She's 15 so it has to be her decision but personally I think it looks awful. Where do you draw the line? If I had a massive cyst on my forehead it would be natural to leave it there but would I do that? Should I celebrate that?

Aside from anything else, it's the start of a new term and I'd be concerned she'd head back and have the piss ripped out of her continually all day every day.

It's all well and good to say about standing up for yourself and I completely agree with that, but I'm not sure there are many 15 year olds who are equipped to deal with that and not be affected by it.

Original poster
Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 21:45

To everybody saying that I said that she wasn't beautiful. I did not mean that. I meant that unibrows are not beautiful.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 15/08/2019 21:46

How sad that looking different is hidden rather than accepted. Especially by a parent. I find that quite shocking.

mamaoffourdc · 15/08/2019 21:46

I love that she feels secure enough to grow it out and have it! We should be celebrating a young girl accepting herself and her beauty in her own way- shame on you all for forcing your opinions on her.

mcmooberry · 15/08/2019 21:47

That unibrow is horrific but not sure what you can do about it!

InsertFunnyUsername · 15/08/2019 21:48

It's not horrible to acknowledge she will get comments and potentially bullied Confused how ridiculous.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2019 21:48

I meant that unibrows are not beautiful.

To you. It’s not your decision. It’s your daughter’s.

TrembleTremble · 15/08/2019 21:48

If I had a massive cyst on my forehead it would be natural to leave it there but would I do that? Should I celebrate that?

My sister has a large cyst-like feature on her face that is very noticable and cannot be removed. So yes, she should fucking celebrate it. It's part of her and she is beautiful. Your attitude is awful and says a lot about you and just how shallow you and other posters are.

skybluee · 15/08/2019 21:52

^ Wow, that's incredibly rude. It was a rhetorical question, designed to make people think. I wasn't stating my opinion one way or another. Maybe check your attitude and don't be as vile to people as you just have been? It says a lot about you as a person that you would be nasty on a message board (and actually quite unthinking) than it does about what I typed. I'm probably one of the least shallow people I know. What a vile person you are...

Lifeisabeach09 · 15/08/2019 21:54

I thought Sophia looked good and was quite impressed by her eschewing beauty norms.

Support your daughter in her endeavours--whether you agree or not.

Coming from an Anglo-ME background too, I completely relate to what your DD is going through.

Stravapalava · 15/08/2019 21:55

Just googled - Sophia's lips are weirder than her brows!!

Regarding your daughter - it will likely only be a phase, so let her get on with it is what I say. It's good in a way that she is owning her culture and being proud of who she is, rather than conforming.

I must say I feel that way in general about "the youth" nowadays - they're far more comfortable and cool with accepting themselves than I was in my day.