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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let daughter grow a unibrow?

179 replies

Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 21:14

As you all may know, I have one ds (twelve years old) and a fifteen year old daughter.
My ds is on the spectrum, dd suspected and i'm currently suspecting it in myself too.
dd's father (we are now divorced) is from the middle east type area (a mix of Syria, Iran etc) so dd has very thick dark hair and grows facial hair very easily.
she's quite insecure about this. It breaks my heart when i hear her talk about how she wishes to be english like me and her brother, she's experienced racism from classmates Sad
But she's recently discovered a 'model' on instagram called Sophia Hadjipentali? If that's the wrong spelling, I apologise.
Now, don't get me wrong, she's a beautiful woman, but she has a quite awful looking unibrow Hmm I don't know if it's to get attention, but she flaunts it around on instagram like some sort of fashion accessory.
Dd usually shaves her unibrow off, but these past few weeks she has been refusing. I personally think it looks awful. She's very beautiful, dark skin, dark eyes, dark hair etc and I think she could pull off a lot of things but not a bloody unibrow and a mustache Hmm
Now it's her body and she can do what she wants with it but I don't want to upset her.
What do you think? This probably sounds strange but advice would be appreciated! x

OP posts:
DCICarolJordan · 15/08/2019 22:06

So it’s nothing to do with her being bullied, is it? It’s about you.
If my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn’t go out in public with her
You would bully your own daughter for this?

RedCowboyBoots · 15/08/2019 22:07

I just really don't want to offend you all, but if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her

Says something about the self-esteem of the person who wrote this, wouldn't you say? So frightened of the opinions of strangers that they'd be willing to cause untold emotional damage to their own daughter to avoid walking near anyone who doesn't fit within a narrow idea of 'beauty'. Very sad.

user1473878824 · 15/08/2019 22:07

I’ve gone from thinking you’re worried for your daughter and wrangling teenage years to thinking actually you’re just a bit of an arsehole. Or a liar.

CurlyWurlyTwirly · 15/08/2019 22:08

@PurpleDaisies
I was still on p1 which was agreeing with the OP,whilst I was googling and reading about Sophia Hadjipentalid. I didn’t refresh to see opinion had ( thankfully) changed a couple of pages in.

OP, please don’t ever say to your daughter you would be embarrassed to be seen in public with her. You said in your OP that she already had issues with « not looking English like you and your DS» she needs your support.

Original poster
Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 22:08

About the public comment! I didn't mean to offend anybody. I guess it stated wrong.
To put it short:
Daughter wants unibrow. I don't think they look nice. daughter may also be bullied for it. But i also want her to be able to express herself.

Sorry if any of my comments offended anybody! That was not my intention x

OP posts:
Tiptopj · 15/08/2019 22:10

Wow @Elision that's a bit harsh. The OP has said nothing to suggest she bullies her daughter, she's asking for advice on whether she should allow her daughter (who she describes as beautiful) to do something that could cause her more bullying and isolate her even more.

It's too easy to say "let your child get bullied and deal with it when it happens" when it's not your child

Original poster
Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 22:10

Oh God. I'm very sorry. I love dd to bits and I'm really not trying to bully her Sad
I feel quite bad now. Going to go and give her a hug. Flowers

OP posts:
InsertFunnyUsername · 15/08/2019 22:10

if my daughter grew a unibrow I wouldn't want to go out in public with her

I was in agreement with you until you said this. I agree that I would be worried about potential bullying, but to not want to go out with her over it is awful. I would walk down the street with my child no matter what.

Justmuddlingalong · 15/08/2019 22:10

I don't have a unibrow, though.
😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲😲

SexFarmWoman · 15/08/2019 22:10

sexfarmwoman I'm not very proud of how I look myself

That doesn't give you the right to cast judgement on others, especially the ones who DO feel proud of how they look, even if small minded people think they shouldn't.

Your attitude to your daughter is shameful btw, I'm glad she sounds like she might be able to not give a shit what you think.

user1473878824 · 15/08/2019 22:11

OP what about your daughter? No one is offended by your personal taste, they’re offended that you’re embarrassed by your daughter’s looks. What have you said to her about it?!

crazycatgal · 15/08/2019 22:11

What a disgusting, shallow person you must be.

I would be proud of her for accepting her monobrow instead of conforming to beauty standards because she feels that she has to. What a shame that her own mother can't accept this.

Hecateh · 15/08/2019 22:12

Whilst I don't find the unibrow attractive, neither do I like socks with slip on shoes sliders, jeans where the crotch hangs somewhere around the knees or crop tops over pregnancy bumps all of which I have seen many times, along with lots of other fashions that don't appeal to me.
40 odd years ago I went out in hotpants, wore stupid platforms (that were downright dangerous) and loved a curly spiral perm.

With my own (now grown children) there were many things I didn't like but the only thing I put my foot down about was tattoos - because they were permanent. They didn't and are now glad BUT tattoos are so respectable now.

A unibrow is not necessarily permanent in any way. She can change her mind whenever she wants. If you oppose it, it makes it harder for her to admit that she has changed her mind. Back her with it and it will, more than likely, put her off it more quickly.

Help her look at different options and how to achieve them, if she is willing to look, but other than that, back her making her own choices and support her if and when she changes her mind.

RedCowboyBoots · 15/08/2019 22:13

Didn't offend me, OP, but then I don't have a unibrow. I think you should worry more about how your comments could offend your daughter, should she ever read them. You're supposed to be her strongest advocate- you need to have a word with yourself.

Teddybear45 · 15/08/2019 22:13

You are white and I presume not hairy. You have no idea how much pain it would take to maintain a separated unibrow; or maintain the extra hair that middle-eastern / Indian people can grow. I could go for threading every week and my facial / body hair could still grow back. In this context your daughter really needs to be able to reach out to role models from her background and she has. You should be celebrating this and supporting her not imposing white beauty standards on her.

Elision · 15/08/2019 22:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2019 22:13

I was still on p1 which was agreeing with the OP

Confused. Almost all those posts really aren’t agreeing with the op. They’re saying leave her too it.

LilQueenie · 15/08/2019 22:14

there's a lot of bitchy girls at her school who would definitely tease her for it. I also don't think that it looks nice

don't worry about the girls you need to stop yourself first. Let her do as she wants.

littlefuckers · 15/08/2019 22:14

Just googled SH, in the black and white photos, and where her hair is darker I don't see the issue. SH is beautiful. It looks unusual with the very fair / white hair pics, but I think it's more to do with the contrast of very black eyebrows more than the uni-brow.
OP if your daughter is happy, go with it. If there is horrible bullying, tackle it, and remind your DD she's bloody awesome, and let her be who she wants to be. She can always shave it off again if it causes issues. Then again I'm bias as I'm a right hairy gruffalo and I couldn't give a flying fig about my facial hair or any other body hair come to that, in fact I'm rather proud of my forested pits!

Blankspace4 · 15/08/2019 22:15

Surely those aren’t her actual eyebrows there?!

They are massively accentuated by the fact she has bleached her hair.

Great that your DD is embracing her brows but I don’t think you’d be doing anything wrong by asking her if she’d like you to pluck the middle or take them to be waxed. Embrace the full brow, for sure, but the reality is (like it or not) that teenage girls can be cruel and I’m sure there are MANY other things your DD would like to be known for than her eyebrows!

ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 15/08/2019 22:16

Exactly what Elision said. We live in a time where teenage girls are expected to be clones of each other and it's shit. You may think the unibrow looks unnatural but that's the whole problem, because it's the exact opposite. Young women are being socially groomed to think their natural bodies are unnatural, and we all need to stand against that. Most adults have internationalised that so deeply that it's impossible to let go of it, but we need to do better for the next generation. Women are allowed to be hairy. Women are allowed to have hair on their faces. It's normal for women to have hair on their faces. Telling women and girls to remove body hair in order to be beautiful is misogyny, and as you've said yourself in many cases it's a racist misogyny. Gah this kind of thing makes my blood boil.

Original poster
Albatross454 · 15/08/2019 22:16

I am very, very sorry for my upsetting comments on my daughter's appearance. I have not spoken to her about this in person. I am a very supportive mother and I just wanted to ask for others opinions. I apologise for everything that I have said. I am going to be the most bloody supportive and wonderful mother on earth. I will support her (although I may not agree) unibrow. I am sorry.

OP posts:
ByGrabtharsHammarWhatASaving · 15/08/2019 22:19

Wow the thread moved on really fast. For clarity my "what Elison said" comment was referring to this post:

"It doesn’t fucking matter if she is less beautiful with a unibrow. She doesn’t owe you, or anyone, beauty. "

user1473878824 · 15/08/2019 22:20

OP, all the bitchy girls in the world won’t matter if her mum makes her feel bad about it. I’m really glad you’re going to support her x

PurpleDaisies · 15/08/2019 22:26

That’s a very fast total change of opinion.