Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate request at Work - AIBU?

244 replies

GameChange123 · 15/08/2019 17:09

A colleague is leaving our team. Received an email from some colleagues about a collection - no problem.

I was surprised that they also asked colleagues in the team to provide a photo "au natural" to create a souvenir calendar for the person leaving. Apparently not showing anything rude but "you can show as much or as little skin as you want as long as we don't actually see anything rude and it's a bit 'cheeky'"

Shock

I find this grim on a number of levels and given there are 10+ people in the team there is going to be some pressure for everyone to participate.

I don't think it is appropriate and could really use the hive mind of Mumsnet to give me a steer on what to do/ how to respond to these CFrs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Idontlikethatship · 15/08/2019 22:57

I'm kind of looking forward to a thread in a few weeks time entitled "WTF you'll never guess what my colleagues gave me as a leaving present"

Totally inappropriate and straying dangerously close to coercive behaviour for me due to younger/newer employees feeling that they cant say no. HR all the way

edwinbear · 15/08/2019 22:57

Submit this

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 15/08/2019 23:14

What on earth do you do for a job?! I think you should complain because I can’t imagine all of the other 9 people would want to do this.

Hohofortherobbers · 15/08/2019 23:25

Can you borrow a burqa from someone?

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe · 15/08/2019 23:32

Last time I left a job, they brought me some flowers and an engraved pen.

I'm quite gutted now that I didn't get a calendar to go along with it.

What a way to remember your former co-workers!

rosegoldwatcher · 15/08/2019 23:34

Why do you need to ask a bunch of strangers what you should do? You already know that the request is ridiculous. Don't even bother to respond.

Thequaffle · 15/08/2019 23:35

The actual fuck?

Pjsandbaileys · 15/08/2019 23:48

seriously in 2019??? After all that has been in the media? Absolutely Definitely not being unreasonable......... however being the nonconfrontational ever so slightly passive aggressive type I am i would send in a full frontal nude, it's not good ain't nobody wants to see that I am fairly confident they wouldn't ask again 😉

Graphista · 15/08/2019 23:57

Aside from the OBVIOUSLY inappropriate 70's bollocks...

...I can't imagine many people WANTING a calendar of former colleagues! What a shite gift!

"Not sure why people are saying this really old fashioned? This is a modern thing .....people doing these sort of calendars.." No nude charity calendars were very briefly a thing around 15 years ago in the wake of the "calendar girls" film, thankfully it's since died out!

"this team has been getting more inappropriate recently, like they are encouraging each other and egging each other on to see how far they can push it." That needs dealt with before they do something that screws your company over! They need to grow the fuck up!

In the wake of #metoo your company needs to get a grip on such behaviour!

FeeFee832 · 15/08/2019 23:59

@WarmestRegards 😂😂😂😂😂😂

MollyButton · 16/08/2019 17:52

I think the email has to go to HR.
To be honest just by sending that email they are sexually harassing/bullying other members of staff. I know my employer would take it very seriously - did you know if you just witness someone else being bullied you could be entitled to claim, as witnessing bullying makes you feel less safe.
If you don't have HR - then take this to a senior boss, one with their head screwed on who can see the implications and possibility of major loss of reputation (and being sued).

Nokeysnoentry · 16/08/2019 17:57

They’d be getting a picture of my middle finger.

AmmarettoSours · 16/08/2019 18:00

throw a sheet over yourself with eye holes cut out then caption it "our souls are our most natural form .... boo beech Grin

Allways123 · 16/08/2019 18:01

I dont think it's innapropiate actually. Where I work they asked us the same thing.. We received an email on behalf of one of our colleagues who was leaving .. They said please submit a photo of yourself etc... Then they had all of the staff photos printed onto the front and back of a card and we all signed the inside of the card.. guess what, it was such a lovely idea, it was a touching memorabilia of everyone who our colleague worked with and it reminded them of all the happy memories they shared together. When our colleague saw it she burst into tears and was so touched that she meant so much to us all and that we went to such lengths to make her feel special.. It's a new kind of way to tell someone how much they matter to you.. It's different but it does not mean its unreasonable...When you see the end result you will see that it's clever thinking and actually a very good idea... I felt the same as you did when I was asked to submit a picture... it was completely voluntary as well, I didn't have to.

When I saw the finished result I realised what a brilliant idea it is..

meercat23 · 16/08/2019 18:02

edwinbear Oi, who said you could put my picture on the internet [shocked]

meercat23 · 16/08/2019 18:03
Shock
Mothership4two · 16/08/2019 18:08

Is there some history either with the colleague or the company? Are they a huge Calendar Girls fan? Otherwise, I think it is just someone who hasn't properly thought it through. Not a massive PC crime, just a bit inappropriate in this day and age.

Frazzledstar1 · 16/08/2019 18:08

Ridiculous!

I would respond and say simply “I will not be participating” and leave it at that. No room for discussion. Insane

Allways123 · 16/08/2019 18:09

I've just read the part that they actually wanted people to get naked.. This is not a reasonable request. In our situation we were asked to submit a personal photo.. I don't think any of us would have done this with our clothes off.. That just sounds pervy..

Allways123 · 16/08/2019 18:15

As someone said its not been thought through properly.. They actually asking people to get naked..🤔

The person requesting this needs their head checked.

I would make a complaint to HR

Spinosaur · 16/08/2019 18:16

A while ago I worked for a company that wanted to do a guess who game for Christmas. The clue to guess was to match bra size to person. The other women there all gave the same size but I refused to join in. The game didn't go ahead. I was a bit gobsmacked anybody had even thought this was a good idea.

newtb · 16/08/2019 18:19

In the 90s, after a busy period I was forced to go into work in pyjamas. Either that or be fined about £20 for non-compliance.

I've never felt so awful in my life, as the only way I could last the day was to b absent in my head and completely dissociate myself from it.

The manager, Deborah, was and probably still is, a complete cow.

Wiltshirelass2019 · 16/08/2019 18:24

That’s so weird! Was it a man or woman requesting this? Tell them no way

KilledByHerOwnCardigan · 16/08/2019 18:26

Unless you work at a nudist colony, this is amazingly inappropriate.

rwalker · 16/08/2019 18:32

Just say no they did clearly state nothing rude So doubt they were wanting tits and fanny out