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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Inappropriate request at Work - AIBU?

244 replies

GameChange123 · 15/08/2019 17:09

A colleague is leaving our team. Received an email from some colleagues about a collection - no problem.

I was surprised that they also asked colleagues in the team to provide a photo "au natural" to create a souvenir calendar for the person leaving. Apparently not showing anything rude but "you can show as much or as little skin as you want as long as we don't actually see anything rude and it's a bit 'cheeky'"

Shock

I find this grim on a number of levels and given there are 10+ people in the team there is going to be some pressure for everyone to participate.

I don't think it is appropriate and could really use the hive mind of Mumsnet to give me a steer on what to do/ how to respond to these CFrs.

AIBU?

OP posts:
itswinetime · 15/08/2019 18:13

I can think of nothing worse than a Calendar made up of 'au natural' photos of my colleges

I'd reply with a firm there will be no photo from me here is my contribution to the collection hopefully enough people will be sensible enough there see the error of there ways! If not then I would ask them what they think hr would make of them requesting photos like this from people!

wonkylegs · 15/08/2019 18:14

My first reaction would be to send a photo of an ankle, little finger or other nondescript body part 'naked'
Or me bundled up to the n'th degree with hats and sunglasses so you can't see a jot of flesh
Some companies HR would really not be happy with this kind of request and you are well within your rights to feel uncomfortable about it. My old company had loads of things that some people would be horrified with but somehow we managed to keep it at a level that was funny to everybody rather than uncomfortable however we all worked together for a very long time and were fairly similar personalities and senses of humour and if there was ever a problem we were comfortable and supported enough to raise it.
Say something if you think its inappropriate and explain why, sometimes people think something if funny without realising it might be viewed the same way by everybody, it's rarely sinister more often than not it's just thoughtlessness

SchadenfreudePersonified · 15/08/2019 18:14

What fresh wankery is this?

Hell's teeth - no way would I be providing such a photo.

Head shot only - if anyone complains tell them that you were naked but it doesn't show.

Personally, I can't think of a single work colleague that I would want to see in the buff - I wouldn't thank anyone for a souvenir like this - it would bec chucked in a skip as I left the building.

LaDrem · 15/08/2019 18:16

I'd provide a photo of my naked foot and leave it at that.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 15/08/2019 18:19

I’m amazed people are actually suggesting you comply with a face/ankle/head shot or whatever.

The only response should “no, that’s bonkers”

RaspberryRippleCrisps · 15/08/2019 18:22

I'm just lost for words!

RaspberryRippleCrisps · 15/08/2019 18:24

Schadenfreud

What fresh wankery is this?

I love that expression! Grin

iklboo · 15/08/2019 18:24

Good gravy. Why would anyone want this?

TatianaLarina · 15/08/2019 18:25

The thought of my work colleagues giving me nekkid photos will haunt me now...

jennymanara · 15/08/2019 18:25

One of my old workplaces did a calendar like this to raise money for charity. It was a very right on workplace too. But participation was totally voluntary. I made sure to avoid looking at it. I really did not want to see Tina in accounts in a half naked "sexy" photo.

AudTheDeepMinded · 15/08/2019 18:27

You do know this will make one of the papers don't you?

RezCowgirl · 15/08/2019 18:27

Why would anyone want to look at their ex-colleagues for an entire year clothed or otherwise.

SmellbowSpaceBowl · 15/08/2019 18:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheYeaSayer · 15/08/2019 18:32

as long as we don't actually see anything rude

I like how they stipulate this, as if anyone was actually keen to show their rude bits to their colleagues Hmm

A simple “no” with no further correspondence entered into should suffice, OP.

GabsAlot · 15/08/2019 18:32

weird maybe a pic of your face with no makeup on thats au naturel-stupid arseholes

GummyGoddess · 15/08/2019 18:33

I've been avoiding clicking on this thread as I thought it would be something dull like being told to buy all the snacks for your team. However this has really cheered me up, I can't stop giggling at the idea of someone being presented with a naked calendar of all their colleagues in their leaving presentation Grin

HeadintheiClouds · 15/08/2019 18:34

She’s probably leaving to get the hell away from you (plural).
Not quite as bizarre as naked photos, but it reminds me of one of my kids end of year in Reception class, and the parent collecting money for the teachers present wanted to spend it on a china plate with the kids faces on!!

At least it was only their faces (!), but the same principle applies. What would anyone do with that?

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/08/2019 18:35

I was struck by this @GameChange123 -

"I'm baffled - this team has been getting more inappropriate recently, like they are encouraging each other and egging each other on to see how far they can push it."

That would be my answer to this email, right there.

"Why is this team constantly trying to push boundaries lately? Whose idea is this, really; and should they be addressing their issues instead of pushing them onto the rest of us? Frankly, you can take this idea and shove it up the arse of its originator."

Well it's either that or "Fuck off". And they can make what they want of issues (but my mind is running to porn use).

But you have a very good point there - this is a change in team behaviour, and it is very likely that it is being led by one individual, however surreptitiously. Is it worth raising the issue with the boss, from a 'this is potentially an HR issue if it escalates any more' viewpoint?

FelixFelicis6 · 15/08/2019 18:35

Hmmmm! And this will definitely end up by the tabloids by the way.

EllaEllaE · 15/08/2019 18:37

I'm baffled - this team has been getting more inappropriate recently, like they are encouraging each other and egging each other on to see how far they can push it.

Yeah... I'd worry about that. At some point, someone needs to step in because this is going to continue getting worse. If your manager is not already alerted to what's going on, it's time to have a serious conversation with them. This kind of thing can go wrong very quickly, and then you end up with a toxic work environment.

NaviSprite · 15/08/2019 18:37

It’s a male colleague who came up with the calendar which is a grossly inappropriate request... is he the only Male on the team because it sounds to me like he wants the pictures for himself and not for female colleague who is leaving. Creepy AF

Nomorechickens · 15/08/2019 18:40

2 possible responses
1 - Haha are you mad?
2 - Photo of 2 monkeys showing their bums 'I haven't got a photo of me but here's one of the rest of the team '
google 'monkeys bum' to find appropriate photo

Geeceebee · 15/08/2019 18:41

🤮🤮🤮🤮 no thank you. I don’t need to see my colleagues naked and vice versa!

What on earth?

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/08/2019 18:43

I feel that 'is your colleague the late Benny Hill' isn't getting the appreciation it deserves...

Seriously OP, given your comment about boundary pushing I think you actually should take it further rather than just sending a sharply worded get tae fuck email.

Derbee · 15/08/2019 18:46

Hi Inappropriate coworker,,
I’ve put £xx into the kitty. Absolutely won’t be partaking in the calendar. I’m surprised HR even allowed you to ask everyone!

Regards,
The only normal person that seems to be working here

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