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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with very loud toddler on rush hour train?

380 replies

custarddonut · 15/08/2019 10:23

On a packed commuter train this morning was an incredibly noisy toddler (he must have been around 3 – 3 and a half or so). As I got on the train he was raging, mid-tantrum, wailing that he wanted a particular seat on the train, and that he wanted the train to be going the other way to the direction it was actually travelling in. This was actually quite funny, if annoying, and went on for about 10 minutes. His mother was very nice and calm, didn’t really do or say much but eventually he stopped with his tantrum. However, for the rest of the journey, he was talking in what I can only think was the very top of his voice, narrating the things he saw, just general toddler chat I suppose (it was quite sweet really). His mother was sort of engaging with him in a nice way. But my genuine question is whether parents should try and help toddlers to moderate their speaking volume sometimes, or is this just a ridiculous / unreasonable thought / an absolute fantasy? For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour? Or am I mad to think that you can ever expect to moderate or control how a toddler speaks or indeed the volume of it? Currently expecting my first child and I have no idea how I would personally approach this, but I am conscious that I found the toddler this morning incredibly irritating and distracting. AIBU?

OP posts:
isthatapugunicorn · 15/08/2019 12:50

it's called PUBLIC transport for a reason. It's not like he was kicking off at a funeral or something or during a silent meditation retreat or something. SO YABU.

Time40 · 15/08/2019 12:52

a very busy train opposite a woman who had just filed her nails Envy

Huh? What's wrong with that? Filing nails isn't noisy. (The other things she did were very annoying, though.)

Spikeyball · 15/08/2019 12:53

If you use public transport you accept that others members of the public can also use it including those who are not able to moderate their volume.

Dogo · 15/08/2019 12:54

it is annoying and even after you've had children, I doubt you'll find it any less annoying

you'll just feel more sympathy for the parent Grin

ScreamingValenta · 15/08/2019 12:56

it's called PUBLIC transport for a reason

Yes, and when you're in public you should try to behave with consideration for others, and in a manner appropriate to your surroundings.

Skyejuly · 15/08/2019 12:56

Please bookmark this!

TheCatThatDanced · 15/08/2019 12:57

53rdWay - most probably she was taking DC on a day out - rather like the dad and mum and 2 little girls I saw today and so it wasn't 'absolutely necessary' for them to be out on a commuter train.

misskatamari · 15/08/2019 13:00

I don't think you're being unreasonable OP. Of course it's good manners to encourage a child to moderate their volume if they're in a busy place. My kids talk so loudly, in this situation i'd remind them to try and lower the volume a bit. Of course it doesn't always work, toddlers are toddlers, but I don't get all the flack you're getting for asking this.

titnomatani · 15/08/2019 13:01

Wait until your baby comes along @OP- you'll be having a massive dose of humble pie- I guarantee it!

TheCatThatDanced · 15/08/2019 13:02

ScreamingValenta - oh no of course you shouldn't behave with consideration and in a manner considerate to others... LOL being sarky there!

No way on god's earth when my 2 were toddler age (e.g. screaming etc) did I subject them to public transport and on the odd occasion I did do this, I worked it out to be when there were quiet times on public transport.

I also know from bitter experience that when a toddler etc is screaming, won't be distracted etc that nothing or little can be done (have attempted this with bribery though or taking toddler off public transport) but I see lots of 'performance parenting' and loud kids these days on public transport. However for every latter experience I also experience normal kids, who behave properly (normal kid behaviour that is) with/without parents in tow.

Hell, we even did ferry trips to France/Spain etc on cars with private cabins to limit the Sleazyjet trips at that age.

LanaKanesLabia · 15/08/2019 13:07

This thread has reminded me of a train incident with my 6 year old last year....

He was singing really loudly and out of tune on the train back from London.....acutely aware of how annoying it must have been I kept trying to shush him...

Mum with kids next to us gets up to go....
And has a go at me for being mean to my son!! Confused

So parents can't ever fucking win can they??

rainingcats · 15/08/2019 13:08

there are so many things in the world to get world up about - a toddler being noisy (also know as just being a toddler) on the train is not something I personally would waste my energy on getting annoyed about

Spikeyball · 15/08/2019 13:10

"Yes, and when you're in public you should try to behave with consideration for others, and in a manner appropriate to your surroundings."

This is a 3 year old we are talking about not some drunken adult.

Widgetsframe · 15/08/2019 13:12

I’ve always tried to get my DC to use an inside voice or tell them to stop shouting in such circumstances and would be a bit grumpy that this mum didn’t even try, that said you might have missed her trying to do so before you boarded.

I often tell my DC to talk quieter, if they are sat next to me they don’t need to shout.

IrishMamaMia · 15/08/2019 13:13

This thread makes me feel a lot better about a really horrid woman who verbally harassed me because I couldn't contain my tired 2 year old screeching on a 2 stop train journey back in April. She went on to lecture me about what a perfect parent she had been. Be supportive, don't be that bitch.

ethelfleda · 15/08/2019 13:14

Yes, and when you're in public you should try to behave with consideration for others, and in a manner appropriate to your surroundings

Yes - but also within your own capacity to do so. If it was an adult with a disability, or an older person who was hard of hearing etc - there’s not much you can do other than accept it. Toddlers are still learning about manners at that age and will find it hard to regulate their volume.
I do think the parent should use it as a learning exercise but I wouldn’t expect the toddler to understand that it’s rude to shout on a train, tbh.

TheInebriati · 15/08/2019 13:14

My Nan had dementia, and I used to take her out window shopping because that's what she enjoyed. Most people cottoned on very quickly and were extremely kind.
I just can't get upset about people who are unable to be polite. It could be any one of us at some point in our lives.

Drogosnextwife · 15/08/2019 13:18

I agree. Kids have tantrums, that's inevitable but parents do act as though there is nothing they can do about their children misbehaving these days. I also agree that children should be taught how to speak in a quieter voice, there is no need to be shouting all the time.
I'm a childminder and every night I watch toddlers leave my house being cheeky, telling their parents they are not going to go in the car, not going to put shoes on, running away down the street without their parents. They don't even get a telling off, they just look at me as though, what can I do?

ethelfleda · 15/08/2019 13:18

most probably she was taking DC on a day out - rather like the dad and mum and 2 little girls I saw today and so it wasn't 'absolutely necessary' for them to be out on a commuter train

You don’t know that though. So it’s moot. They might have been on their way to an appointment for all you know.

TheViceOfReason · 15/08/2019 13:19

meh, public transport, you take your chances. Far rather a loud toddler than a really smelly seat neighbour.

Trumpleton · 15/08/2019 13:21

I've spent the last 9 months commuting with a 1 year old as his childcare is near to my work. I HAVE to travel in rush hour and no way anyone would do this if it was avoidable!! I do try to show I am at least being considerate of others- I know no one needs to hear my son growling/exclaiming/pointing out shoes etc and it's not delightful to anyone else... even though i know i don't have much impact i guess it's nice to try to show you are aware you're not the only people on the train.

grumiosmum · 15/08/2019 13:22

Unless you were in the quiet carriage, YABU.

Tonnerre · 15/08/2019 13:23

For context, it was a rush hour train, most people looked like they might have been trying to read newspapers / check work emails etc. Everyone has an equal right to be on any train they like but I just wonder whether one should expect a bit more peace and quiet in rush hour?

When I get onto a packed rush hour train, I count it as a bonus if I can get a seat, let alone read and check emails. Peace and quiet come well down my list of expectations.

Squoozie · 15/08/2019 13:25

I've found that a huge proportion of parents have a massive sense of entitlement towards their children and think that everyone else's lives should revolve around them.

I think that untrained small children should not be out in public and if they have to be, for reasons, they should be on a lead at the very least, but preferably in a thickly-padded covered pram or other suitable conveyance. With air holes, obviously, I'm not a monster.

Kescilly · 15/08/2019 13:26

We just had to take our newborn on a rush hour train. And to our horror the agent had allocated us seats in a quiet carriage though we had specifically asked that we wouldn’t be in one!

We were able to find seats elsewhere but on the way back there was a man who cringed loudly any time the baby made a noise. We did our best to keep the baby quiet but there’s only so much we could do.

I have loads more sympathy for parents now. And appreciate everyone who is kind to us in public. It goes a long way.