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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think he is checking up on me?

155 replies

sallyhoop · 14/08/2019 13:54

I work in a solicitors in town as admin assistant.
I was at work this morning and I sent the guy I'm seeing a Snapchat saying roll on home time at my desk.
Then I went and did the post office run.
Got a text at lunchtime saying ..why aren't you at work like you said?
I said I am..
He said my friend has just seen you in town
I explained I nipped out to the post office
He is now ignoring me.
Aibu here or is this a bit OTT

OP posts:
Willow2017 · 14/08/2019 17:03

The txt was "why were you not at work like you said you were?" This is accusatory in the first instance no matter how you dress it up.

When she said she was he basically said she was lying as she was seen outside the confines of her workplace. As if this was unacceptable without him knowing why.
When she explained where she was and why he went silent. Nobody is that busy that they suddenly end a conversation unless it's to show that they don't agree with your answer and is out to prove it, so the onus is on you to regain his precious attention somehow.

Wtf has it got to do with him what she was doing?

CodenameVillanelle · 14/08/2019 17:07

I don't understand why he's in a mood with me.

He's in a mood with you because he's a controlling man! Why don't you grasp that?

@coolestmum I don't even know what to say to you.

Legawein · 14/08/2019 17:24

@sallyhoop my ex once did something similar. Took me 6 years to realise I was in a controlling, abusive relationship. But each thing in itself didn't seem too bad. It wasn't until I looked back and saw the whole picture that it clicked. By that time he'd slowly cut me off from friends and family, and eroded any sense of self worth I had. Only you know how you want to handle this, but please don't let anyone make you doubt yourself.

Justaboy · 14/08/2019 17:27

He might have just been engaging in some chit chat of sorts?, anyway if your still with him this evening then lets hear his reasons why?.

That was the sort of thing my wife would text about never thought of her as controlling!..

Cryalot2 · 14/08/2019 17:29

You don't think you have done anything wrong?

You haven't. But if you don't dump him you will.
He sounds ex material.

EmeraldShamrock · 14/08/2019 17:32

Run run and run some more.
I think he is showing you he is creepy, sulky, controlling, I'd dump him.
Why would he not say later oh such an such saw you today, because he automatically jumped to conclusions, he is showing you the way he thinks.

ConkerGame · 14/08/2019 17:32

OP he is already making you doubt yourself. This is a HUGE red flag. Please don’t make the same mistake I did by ignoring it. Episodes like this will build up gradually until you doubt everything and change your behaviour to please him - you will end up controlled and trapped. Please just dump him this evening.

“I don’t need to answer to you about what I’m doing or where I’m going. I don’t believe a “friend” saw me - you are clearly tracking me and I deserve better than a controlling creep so please understand that we are over and you are not to contact me again”.

Then block him and check your phone for app trackers.

Nothingcomesforfree · 14/08/2019 17:35

It’s a text. Well known things for being read wrong out of context.

And it’s only just the end of the working day....chances are he’s busy, not sulking.

Nothingcomesforfree · 14/08/2019 17:37

And following on from another thread about phoning/ texting each other every day... this is why some of us think it’s daft.
Do the job you’re paid to do and fret about each other in your own time.

PumpkinPieAlibi · 14/08/2019 18:03

I have a similar experience OP. I was at uni and was studying in the library which my bf at the time knew as I had texted him a while earlier. I left my phone in the library so that I could use the washroom quickly but met some classmates in the washroom and ended up chatting about assignments, exams etc. I expected to be gone for 2-3 minutes but ended up being gone for about 15. When I got back, there were nine missed calls on my phone and the 10th call started. I answered and he immediately started at me, questioning where I was and calling me a clown. I hung up on him.

We broke up a few months later when I found out he was cheating and it turned out he was a liar who was sleeping with a married woman twice my age (I was 18, he was 20, woman was 36), boasted about unprotected sex with lots of women and everytime I called him and didn't get him, it was because he was with one of them. We were only together for 6 months and never slept together but the damage that relationship did to me when it came to trusting men was huge.

I wish I had dumped him when I realised he was checking up on me (2 months in). He even ended up stalking and prank calling me and tried to contact me on FB up to last year (10 years after we broke up). You see, he think he owned any woman he was with; he was misogynistic, controlling, egotistic and paranoid because of his own behaviour. I don't say it often but RUN...LEAVE HIM.

SparklyMagpie · 14/08/2019 18:05

Ahh let's tell OP to let him off then as either he or his imaginary friend caught her somewhere else whilst she was working

It's all good OP, let him off. Him checking up on tou could have been a joke and it's not worth taking an educated risk and thinking it could have been much more than that

And no, FTR I dont care if I'd have told my boyfriend I was at work and I had to nip out for whatever reason and he text me questioning,would I be ok with that.

This isnt someone in a long term relationship, not that it would make a difference. But if PP's are happy with having to explain and justify what they do in their work time then good luck to you

Motoko · 14/08/2019 18:29

I hope OP takes heed of these replies, but I get the feeling she won't.

threemonthstogo · 14/08/2019 19:29

its also not fair to op for lots of people to be over dramatic, he asked a question, she answered, thats about it really, maybe he is contolling and weird i dont know, but theres not much in her op to suggest he is.

No @Chickychoccyegg he texted her accusing her of lying about her whereabouts because someone had apparently seen her daring to be somewhere else at one moment during her work day.

I honestly don't know how you can't see what is alarming about that.

Vasya · 14/08/2019 19:31

This isn't a red flag, it's a crimson banner. Really possessive and inappropriate. I would run a mile.

Snidpan · 14/08/2019 19:32

"you said you were at work (where part of your job is post office), how come a 'friend' saw you posting a letter at the nearest post office to your work"
Bye Felicia

pinkyredrose · 14/08/2019 19:32

coolestmum if your boyfriend said 'you're a cunt I'm going to kill you,' would you end the relationship? Over one line?

It's the content of the lines not the amount of them.

Snidpan · 14/08/2019 19:33

has OP gone to apologise to him?

Willow2017 · 14/08/2019 19:45

you said you were at work (where part of your job is post office), how come a 'friend' saw you posting a letter at the nearest post office to your work"

Do they.
She works in a solicitors not a post office.
She was out posting letters for work.
It's not difficult to understand.

Btw why use an anonymous user name then sign of with your own name?

And it’s only just the end of the working day....chances are he’s busy, not sulking
Considering op posted just before 2pm it was hardly the end of the working day! He stopped texting as he didn't like what he heard and wanted to punish op.

Willow2017 · 14/08/2019 19:45

Bloody auto correct
Do rtft

MrsTommyBanks · 14/08/2019 19:52

He is tracking you. Take your phone and other tech to be checked for spyware. Or tune off your location.
Then dump his creepy controlling arse asap.

TowelNumber42 · 14/08/2019 21:27

If OP is smart she will have switched her phone off.

ohnoessexgirl · 14/08/2019 22:32

HUGE RED FLAG.....RUN!!!

Nothingcomesforfree · 14/08/2019 22:40

Willow2017 Exactly, Why is the Op expecting texts whilst she’s working? They should both be at work not worrying about their phones.
I sometimes get to into town from work and people quite often say something about “ nicking off work” or “what we’re you up to”.
They are neither abusive e or suspicious is just what you say when you know people work inside all day.

Willow2017 · 15/08/2019 09:34

Nothingcomesforme
He txt her twice at lunchtime accusing her of lying to him.
He may have an hour's lunch? Plenty time to txt back once she had explained where she was.
He might have a day off? Many people do not work 9-5 every weekday I don't.
She doesn't work inside all day, she goes to post office as part of her job.
She finishes at 1.

The fact he accused her of not being where she 'should be' then ignored her is suspicious.

ptumbi · 15/08/2019 10:18

I sometimes get to into town from work and people quite often say something about “ nicking off work” or “what we’re you up to”.
They are neither abusive e or suspicious - what they are is nosy (and a bit rude).

Ops EX(!) has asked why she was not where she was supposed to be. Where she said she was. That is accusatory, not nosy. It's abusive and controlling.

You can't tell the difference?

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