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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think he is checking up on me?

155 replies

sallyhoop · 14/08/2019 13:54

I work in a solicitors in town as admin assistant.
I was at work this morning and I sent the guy I'm seeing a Snapchat saying roll on home time at my desk.
Then I went and did the post office run.
Got a text at lunchtime saying ..why aren't you at work like you said?
I said I am..
He said my friend has just seen you in town
I explained I nipped out to the post office
He is now ignoring me.
Aibu here or is this a bit OTT

OP posts:
missbattenburg · 14/08/2019 14:29

Run Forrest, run!

Chickychoccyegg · 14/08/2019 14:30

is he usually controlling and a bit weird or is this unusual? if he is get rid, before it gets worse.
could there be a chance he was chatting to his friend and friend metioned he'd just seen you in town, and your bf has went about mentioning it clumsily but with no real meaning/just wondering what your up to type thing?

cakeandchampagne · 14/08/2019 14:31

Checking up on you,
essentially calling you a liar,
and now (punishing) ignoring you?
I would end the relationship immediately.

ElizaDee · 14/08/2019 14:31

What are you going to do OP?

Motoko · 14/08/2019 14:32

OP, you don't seem to be listening to what EVERY SINGLE POSTER has told you, to dump him, right away!

It doesn't matter what you were doing, you don't have to justify yourself.

A man who checks up on you like this, is not a good man, despite what he might seem like at other times. This is the start of abuse, if you stay with him, he WILL abuse you, possibly physically, but definitely emotionally, until you end up only wearing clothes that he approves of (no mini skirts or tops that show any cleavage), no make up, unless it's only for his benefit, he'll tell you your friends and family don't really like you, so you end up not seeing them, and a shit ton of other abusive behaviours.

You'll be so ground down, you won't recognise yourself. You'll be walking on eggshells around him, to stop him getting angry.

There is nothing good about men like this. Get rid, or you'll regret staying with him.

Chickychoccyegg · 14/08/2019 14:33

Is he ignoring you though or just busy and hasnt replied yet ?
lots of dramatic replies on this but you know what he's like in real life!

LovePoppy · 14/08/2019 14:33

Fuck that noise

Get rid of him

Nat6999 · 14/08/2019 14:35

Dump him & run, you don't need anyone checking up on you, the next thing, he will be stalking you.

Motoko · 14/08/2019 14:36

No @Chickychoccyegg, there isn't, and it's not helpful to confuse OP by suggesting it's innocent. It isn't.

Derbee · 14/08/2019 14:38

OP, RUN! This is absolutely not normal behaviour from him. Take this as your warning sign and end things now before it gets weirder/worse

ShirleyPhallus · 14/08/2019 14:41

Has he got you on “find my friends” OP?

I’d check cos I bet he has and that’s how he knew...

Chickychoccyegg · 14/08/2019 14:41

its also not fair to op for lots of people to be over dramatic, he asked a question, she answered, thats about it really, maybe he is contolling and weird i dont know, but theres not much in her op to suggest he is.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/08/2019 14:41

Red flag red flag red flag...

MASSIVE RED FLAG FLAPPING IN THE WIND!!!

Seriously, cut your losses now.

A) He's either stalking you or his friend are spying on you.
B) He's sulking because you're not where you said you'd be

Fuck that for a game of soldiers. Please have some self respect and ditch him ASAP.

ThatssomebadhatHarry · 14/08/2019 14:42

This is not a red flag. It’s a massive red banner with ribbons and a fucking marching band dressed I red carrying red flags and banging on drums.
Run!

HaileySherman · 14/08/2019 14:42

I would not be ok with that type of comment. Sounds accusatory and controlling. I'd be expecting him to come back apologizing and explaining how it might have come off bad on text or something. Him ignoring you on top of it?? I'd be very careful about furthering this relationship.

caballerino · 14/08/2019 14:43

He's in a mood to try to get you to change your behaviour to appease him, so he will little by little have more and more control over you.

Run. It might seem small now but it's the tip of a monstrous iceberg. Get out before it gets worse not afterwards.

And then take a look at this, because you already seem to be doubting what's normal behaviour in a relationship and what's not: www.freedomprogramme.co.uk

Grumpelstilskin · 14/08/2019 14:43

You think....? Crikey, your boundaries are that low, not even a snail could limbo through underneath! Grin

KUGA · 14/08/2019 14:44

You have done nothing wrong
He sounds like a pillock,and how dare he question you.
I would run a mile.
He sounds un-hinged.

kaldefotter · 14/08/2019 14:44

I agree with Leno... it’s not his ‘friend’ who saw you in town.

I suspect he may tracking you, either physically or electronically. Can you check your phone and make sure he’s not changed any permissions on it that would allow him to see where you?

Oh, and run for the hills.

tolerable · 14/08/2019 14:45

err.. he thoughtchu were at work.a mate saw you in town..you filled in the blank..
where is that red flag.?
is he busy or sulking?how do you know. ?

Brazenhussy0 · 14/08/2019 14:45

Yikes. Why are you even questioning yourself over this?

You know this is weird controlling behaviour. Nip it in the bud and get rid of this guy before he pulls you in further.

Bunglefromrainbow · 14/08/2019 14:48

Got a text at lunchtime saying ..why aren't you at work like you said?
Less than 3 months in that would have been enough for me to run a mile.

He is now ignoring me.
And at least I wouldn't have to break things off as he's essentially done it anyway.

The ignoring could just be him being busy, there's always a small possibility. But coupled with the previous comment he sounds like a tool. Best to find out at this stage, there's too many threads on here where people find out when they're pregnant or married and then find it difficult to 'escape' so to speak.

I was always told growing up to not look a gift horse in the mouth, this guy has just given you an early Christmas present so don't question it, use it.

MashedSpud · 14/08/2019 14:49

She won’t dump him. She will grovel for his forgiveness then wonder why he uses her as a punch bag in less than a year. Again he will convince her it’s all her fault. She won’t have support from friends and family because he would have stopped her seeing them.

Best of luck.

BringMeCoffee · 14/08/2019 14:51

If I was you I would be checking my location was switched off on Snapchat in case he is tracking you!!

Jayaywhynot · 14/08/2019 14:53

Christ, I had this at the start of my relationship. "Someone" saw me driving into a GP surgery 3 miles from home, my GP is 5 minute walk from home. My then new BF didn't believe me. I set my stall out from the off. No one questions me & I dont lie. If I were you I'd ignore him, dont text or phone. If you try again to explain it will set a tone for your relationship, you will always be on the back foot. My answer to shit like that is "I'm with you cos I want to be with you, I don't need you & I don't need to explain myself, nor will I put up with any petty bullshit" dont back down hun Flowers

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