To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

[Mypetsnails]

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

I guess we are a little bit like this to some extent. To be honest I have a lot of time on my hands, we choose for me to work less, which of course makes less money, in exchange I have a lot of time to be organised for things like these

@ZenNudist
I think we are that family.

We travel a lot and I refuse to take anything other than a backpack.
We can be ready for a flight with an hours notice and DD will carry whatever she packs.
Holidays are usually hiking or water sports based and I can pack a weeks worth of stuff in my 30litre pack, DD has a 25l. It's like Mary poppins bag. I never seem to forget anything. Any need OH has is catered for.

However, I'm only this organised on trips. Every day/working week is a bit more chaos.
I think the key is eliminating decision fatigue. Less stuff = less decisions to be made = more time for the important stuff.

We are that smug family on instagram with the gorgeous blonde little girl stood at a peak in the dolomites of taking a selfie with a banana slug in Yosemite.

OP, this is somehow how I imagine the Beckham’s including the sportiness. Super organised, beautiful children with tons of energy between them all. Impeccable manners all round!

Oh god, we camped opposite one of those families a couple of weeks ago. In addition to their amazing tent, they had a gazebo bigger than our tent with lighting with huge padded chairs. And a massive fucking fire pit!!!! They had a normal sized car with a roof box and one more kid than us. I spent the whole time glancing over thinking how the hell they fitted everything in. We struggled to fit the basics in

And none of them ever looked crumpled. I suspect there was an iron and ironing board in one of their tent wings

They have a shit tonne of toys they refuse to play with and just want to bother me 24.7.

hard to say, but I would ignore them or offer a list of chores to do when they are pestering me.
Remove and store 2/3 of their toys and rotate. Mine play a lot better when they start with an empty room and take all the toys they need.

What I did do once which worked quite well is bring a large bucket/tub with us, filled it with some seawater & pulled it back so the dc could play safely next to us. We had toys & they could use the water to make the sand denser for building. My mum used to do this when we were young, however I’ve not been bothered to do it again.

My dm used to try make us be one of those family's.
Picnics were a nightmare though as my dm poor cooking skills included sandwiches.
We did argue though alot

We look like one of those families but we really aren't. We have the picnic basket with the eco friendly boc n rolls and keep leaf bags (because I actually do care) and the reusable water bottle. We have kites, toys and change of clothes but this is because I have several chronic conditions and it takes everything I have to just get there so I need the kids occupied when we do. Dd2 also has inherited a couple of my conditions hence the changes of clothes. Dd1 has some additional needs and cannot be unoccupied and her behaviour goes downhill if we use a tablet so it's toys.
However we are also the family where the kids fight, the Dh gets lost and the dm eventually loses her shit and hisses dire threats at the whole lot of them to behave or else.

Ha we are the family in a 20 year old hand painted VW van and 4 loud kids in charity shop clothes and pound shop crocs. We have Aldi crisps and tins of G&T. Come sit by us and look posh (NB. Unlikely to be anywhere that has an entry fee).

This made me laugh as we were on holiday last week with a family like this. We turned up at the pool with towels wet from the day before and they were booking the table tennis court at the same desk and ended with “we don’t need any equipment we brought our own” who even does that.

This is why I love beaches because you get to people watch! Hours of entertainment that is particularly good in the UK, because you get to wonder what social background people are, hear snatches of conversation, wonder if they are one of "those" families, wonder at all the weird shit that different families bring and know that they are all looking at you and thinking all that stuff about you too!!!!

Our last day out, to a kids outdoor theater, other families all had blankets, nice dinners, sparkling wine etc. There were we sat on our jackets eating cheese sandwiches, sharing a bottle of tap water, and I had a warm can of beer.

We felt so smug when it rained for 2 min and they all put on raincoats which they then had to sit and swelter in for the following hour of lovely sunshine. Plus our kids know how to hustle and we have no-nonsense to cart back to the car so were also first out the car park, well worth it.

In case it makes you feel better, than family bbq-ing on the windy beach will have inedible food as it will be covered in sand. Even with the use of windbreaks.

I speak from (crunchy, gritty) experience.

There's a lot to be said for being spontaneous and just enjoying the moment and your environment rather than feeling the need to be super super organised and planned.

It can squeeze the soul out of an experience.

When you look back on your childhood, do you remember all the perfect stuff, or is it when it goes tits up that it sticks in your mind?

There isn't a 'right way' to be a family and spend time together.

I certainly don't see being super organised as 'perfect' because they are organised.

Velocity

I love your post.

Giggling away here at one of the Best threads to appear on mumsnet in ages...we are so disorganized ..the last time we went to the beach DH was in a right old strop when he found out the icecream seller in his portable cart didnt have a chip and pin card reader,,funnily enough neither did the donkey woman! He then spent 45 mins looking for somewhere to get cash back....he is a pillock!

This made me smile. I know exactly what you mean and I never managed it. It's like they are professional families. And they often out with other professional families which magnifies it all.

I don't have children but I have a couple of "#makingmemories" type friends whose insta is full of this shit. Both of the mums (much as I love them) have jobs that allow them to spend tons of time at home/online sourcing all the bits and pieces and gadgets to facilitate it. One has a nanny, who would be e.g making the picnic. One has a son whose life is so full of being ferried from one memory making picnic on the beach to a book signing with his favourite author to afternoon tea on the Orient express that I do worry he will in the future simply not being able to cope with being unoccupied for more than ten minutes.

I know they both love their kids and want the best for them. But the performance familying is exhausting to watch. It seems like they are never 'in the moment' but are constantly looking over their shoulders for approval.

You sound exactly like my mum. She was always the disorganised mum who hated the super organised mums who "always bloody thought of everything". Now that I'm a mum I've rebelled against her disorganised ways and become a super organised mum with all the bits and bobs necessary. She now comes round my house and points out things that have been accessible to the public for many years (like a calendar or a storage unit with labels) and comments on what a good idea it is and how I'm way too organised as if it's a new invention I've come up with.

It's not a money thing, just everyone is different in how they live. You never know your kids might end up the super organised type too!

I've been told we're 'that' family! Truth is mine have just as many tantrums etc. but generally at home when bored!
I'm really organised, and spent donkey's on t'internet beforehand sorting stuff. Also refuse to fork out on expensive crap lunches at cafes and sort a picnic usually leftovers, which apparently looks impressive as it's not just sarnies but in reality is week old pasta! DW is away a lot for work so super into the kids when here and so looks like the worlds most engaged, energetic parent when we're out, playing cricket for days on the beach etc.but at home we're much more rag tag as I'm on my own loads

Oh I TOTALLY understand what you mean!

We were a very modest sort of family - both parents working hard and our holidays were a couple of weeks on a UK beach with a thermos, some gritty Kraft cheese slice sandwiches and an ancient orange windbreak.

It was a revelation to me when I got to Uni and met a friend who had massive family villa & camping holidays in the South of France which involved practice packing sessions of the boat before they set off towing it, in convoy, with their wider family dispersed over three cars.

I went to stay with them one summer and it was a military operation (mostly by the mother) with vast quantities of food served up in beautiful co-ordinating ceramic dishes like something off the front of the Waitrose magazine and a constant flow of organised activities such as badminton, garden games, swimming games, etc.

Fast forward thirty years and this friend now does exactly the same thing with HER family and kids! (Probably inherited the same porcelain dishes too...)

I tell you, it's in the genes!

When you look back on your childhood, do you remember all the perfect stuff, or is it when it goes tits up that it sticks in your mind?

I agree with this, from looking back at my childhood it was the trips where something went wrong that are the fondest/funniest.

We were saying the same when we went to Devon. Families were so organised and we were a mess. I put it down to us just not doing this sort of thing enough. Plus our kids are feral

I grew up in one of these families, complete with picnics on the trailer instead of service station food in France complete with a tablecloth! Everyone had a personalised hard boiled egg drawn to resemble them and their own colour of picnic plate/ cup/ cultlery. Even a box with a damp flannel and spare bag for rubbish. Hyper organised- none of it rubbed off on me. I would have swapped it all for some chips!

My parents garage has everything anyone could ever want in it and their house is freakishly neat.

I come from 'that' family - boats, buckets, beach towels, doing stuff.

I've married into a family where the kids don't like doing anything much apart from shopping or watching telly or lying in the sun. I don't think you'd ever get them on a beach holiday or in a rental cottage in the UK.