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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

419 replies

Mypetsnails · 14/08/2019 08:09

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches Grin

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard" Grin

OP posts:
growlingbear · 14/08/2019 08:43

We live next door to a similarly perfect ( very nice) family. The children are outside all the time just trampolining and playing footie and parkouring in nice, calm, polite voices. Doesn't matter if it's raining or scorching or windy, they're out and happily at it and so are their friends. My two would have poked a toe out of the door and scuttled back inside and I don't have the energy to cajole them to be otherwise.

BlackCatSleeping · 14/08/2019 08:43

I’m reasonably organized when we go out. I have a camping wagon for our stuff. Blush

It’s usually just me and the kids though, so being organized means they don’t turn into a whingy nightmares.

MsTSwift · 14/08/2019 08:43

We always end up being the family frantically jettisoning stuff and shoving bags into bags at bloody airport check in.

I think those families look abit smug tbh. We may not have lots of beach stuff as we read and swim on the beach the kids too and I comfort myself that we may not have beach tennis but my kids are the best readers in the universe

MoobaaMoobaa · 14/08/2019 08:44

We got to out destination a couple of hours from our house to realise I had forgotten the barstards bag

Grin Grin Grin

BettysLeftTentacle · 14/08/2019 08:44

I’m with you OP. On occasion we are that family because I try really hard to be that family. My home life as a child wasn’t great and it seemed I was always on the outside looking into other people’s ‘normal’ family life and wishing I was part of that. So naturally I try really hard to take on the ‘ordinary’ things I observed over the years. I don’t always succeed it has to be said.

And I draw the line at rounders.

RushianDisney · 14/08/2019 08:45

We went to a festival with a group of these sort of families, made our chronic disorganisation negligible in its effect because they'd brought enough stuff for everyone and then some.

LellyMcKelly · 14/08/2019 08:46

Were that family on the beach, but only because we live near it so have accumulated games and tartan rugs and picnic baskets from car boot sales, and we pick up a bucket barbecue in the sale every year. We are awful in National Trust properties. The last time we went to one my 10yo stood up in the café and announced he was sick of going to all these boring old houses and wasn’t going to another one ever again. He has a point, to be fair.

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/08/2019 08:47

Oh the 'Boden Advert' family!

Nope, I never managed it either. And the perfect mum would always be smiling sympathetically as I untangled wasps from one's hair whilst another took his trunks off and shouted 'look at my willy!' and another two children were arguing about something unsuitable that they'd seen on TV in very loud voices.

I used to smile serenely and pretend I was just the nanny.

jennymac · 14/08/2019 08:48

We are definitely not one of those families! In fact, my ds said recently when we were having a picnic - "how come every time we are having a picnic, there is someone close by having a more impressive one?!" And it's true! There is always a family nearby out with the bbq and the chairs and windbreakers etc! DH is always going on about how we need to get better kitted out for the weather and buy waterproof trousers etc for everyone but I said to him the other day that even if we bought all that stuff, the odds are that we wouldn't have them in the car when we actually needed them and he agreed! Ds is car sick at least once a month, but do we ever have a plastic bag or change of clothes to hand? Never! On the other hand, we spend loads of time together out and about and have a ball so I don't overly worry that it is not always perfect!

LittleMustelid · 14/08/2019 08:49

Be grateful you’re not one of “those” families! I live near an extremely popular tourist beach and we all laugh/shake our heads at the families who arrive at the beach with enough stuff to set up a small campsite. It’s amazing how much crap people bring to the beach these days!

BertrandRussell · 14/08/2019 08:49

We called that family the “marmite family”because obviously they had marmite toast for breakfast and always commented each other when we noticed that on this particular day it was us!

TheRLodger · 14/08/2019 08:49

I know exactly what you mean. Meanwhile my bff is the Queen of the other camp. I have often been agog when I’ve seen her set up for things

Nogoodusername · 14/08/2019 08:49

I love this post! I want to be that family. We are definitely not. Even if we try it ends up a mega fail. It’s just not us

dancingcamper · 14/08/2019 08:52

Is it just a general feeling of inadequacy no matter what you are doing? Like you, when I just have a few things I feel inferior to the super organised family with everything. But when I take everything I just feel a bit ridiculous and wonder why I couldn't do it more simply like others manage.

Damn my overactive comparing brain. [it's not that bad really!]

TheCatInAHat · 14/08/2019 08:53

We’re not that family either. I think it takes a lot of effort and is easier if you’re a SAHP. All the families I know who are like this have a parent (mother in all cases) who is at home devoting life to achieving this.

Themyscira · 14/08/2019 08:53

My priorities are my DC being clean, fed, loved and entertained. I am the variety of parent that believes only the first three are of high priority, and the fourth should be mostly the child's own responsibility.

We go out and do things of course, but if you don't get sand in the sandwiches at a day at the beach, you haven't done it quite right. Wink

TooMinty · 14/08/2019 08:53

I consider it a success if I manage cheese sandwiches and a picnic blanket so definitely not one of those families. And if you gave my 4 year old a tennis racket he'd use it to assault his big brother...

Cyw2018 · 14/08/2019 08:54

My mum was like this, we had some big green plastic picnic set from the 70s/80s where everything stacked in neatly together, had everything, plates, bowls, beakers, cutlery, food storage boxes etc.

DB and I had our own named drawers in the cloakroom (and good forbid we didn't use them!!).

I'm very low contact with my mum now because she was not a nice or good mother. The ability to pack a picnic did not change that.

cardamoncoffee · 14/08/2019 08:54

OP it probably wouldn't occur to you to acquire all of that stuff as it is completely unnecessary.

courderoy · 14/08/2019 08:54

Jam sandwiches in a bread bag with knot at the top here. Can’t stand having to carry stuff!

PartOstrich · 14/08/2019 08:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1474894224 · 14/08/2019 08:56

Ha ha. In my head we are the Walton's....in reality - kids and OH eat half their picnic in the car park when we arrive somewhere. Then OH is bored after 30 minutes of whatever we are doing. Say it's the beach scenario.....I lovingly pack a blanket, beach tent, picnic....the kids spend half the time walking over everything with sandy feet or kicking sand over everything else. The OH will be starving having eaten picnic first thing and want chips....my beautiful picnic lies untouched.....

Just don't compare yourself to others. Enjoy your own time.

MoobaaMoobaa · 14/08/2019 08:56

LellyMcKelly it wasn't just the equipment the family had. It was hours and hours of endless energy. No tears, No arguments, No sulking, No I'm bored, No you cheated. just bounding around laughter and smiles from all for 7+ hours. Shock

I always wanted to be that family but gave it up as a bad job a few years ago, now we just embrace being a bit shit. Grin

Grasspigeons · 14/08/2019 08:56

My DH is that family. I'm not. So if we go out to the beach with him we each have a change of clothes, a windbreak, a large rug, a lovely picnic, equipment to play with and so on. Its just all so heavy to carry and csn feel like is saping the fun out of the day when we pack it. So if i go out we have a towell to share as i cant carry much.

Tonnerre · 14/08/2019 08:56

the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

I don't think that makes them an alpha family. Barbecues on the beach are a bloody menace, and if you need a wall of windbreaks it's probably not the right weather to be on the beach anyway,

What really gets to me is people who build little rooms with windbreaks so they can't see the sea. What on earth is the point?