To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

[Mypetsnails]

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

How do these families stop the children from complaining?!

to be fair, some kids genuinely like picnics, so there's no effort involved!

I suppose I can be seen as pretty strict about day-to-day food, I just don't like picnic food as treats, so my kids are quite happy with crisps and sandwiches they don't have at home. If you see them eating on the beach, mine are quite cheerful, but it's not because of anything I've done, they just like the beach! (or picnics anywhere really)

This really made me smile (apart from the beach BBQ bit (antisocial bastards)). I'm somewhere in the middle I think. When we had 4 children at home we were much more like you, some days out were just nonstop arguing! Now there is only 1 left its bliss, so much less conflict (and less to organise).

This thread made me laugh as I grew up next to a beach and somebody once asked my Dad why we had no windbreaker and we pointed to home and continued eating our crunchy sandwiches 😂

As another poster said European families are good at this or you sometimes see some of them arrive with hardly anything, go for a swim, share a large bag of crisps, lie on the sand without a towel (😱) but all dry off completely & then go on their merry way.

I flit between being totally organised and totally winging it. I think the key is whether your children have fun or not! We have had amazing experiences with our children that we have saved up for as a real treat and other unexpected fun events that just happen to fall into place. But of all the places we have been and things we have done one memory my children cherish is the time we popped to Home Bargains. I happened to have shoved some lunch bits in a cool bag as we had a busy day doing boring jobs. They ate their lunch in the boot in the Home Bargains car park...they talk about it all the time 3 years later!! They ask regularly if they can eat a picnic in the boot again soon

At least you’re taking your DC out, some parents don’t even do that...

ssd
not true at all, it's a choice. The most organised mums I know have a big family and no help at all.

I am nowhere near in their league, but my life is easier when things are organised, and I steal tips from looking at them!

I never trust uber efficient parents. They were around to make me look a slob and it worked.
Luckily the lugging things to a beach day with kiddies are long gone now though. I don't miss it.

I did see a family with a long wheel barrow type thing once in France loaded up but pushing it about on sand looked hard going but did keep the things getting too sandy which is always a good thing!

I have seen families getting out full picnic tables, with table clothe, a real cutlery box... great for them, but not something I would want to bother with.

We once went to a firework competition. There was a group next to us who had essentially replicated their dining room, complete with candelabra 😮

We had a little tripod fishing stool each. Dstepdad set his on a slope and ended up rolling down it backwards. The candelabra people tutted

We're the alpha family in this scenario. Well, not actually alpha. It's really just a symptom of my anxiety - I am so afraid of things going wrong that I am prepared for every eventuality. I can't go out without having everything to hand. I feel jealous of spontaneous, "muck-in and make the best of it", people who can just get on with things without worrying about making sure they have a blanket to sit on, five different types of sandwich, drinks, baby wipes, jumpers for if it turns cold, shorts for if it turns hot etc etc etc.

The grass is always greener! Of course, the people it's really green for are my family, who get the benefit of my preparedness without the anxiety disorder that accounts for it.

”we went to a thing at a national trust place...took a picnic.”

OP you are already one of those parents- just maybe a 3 star one rather than 5 star?

You’re like my size 12 slim and fit friend who tried to drag Lardy arse size 18 me to her fitness classes saying “there none of those Lycra clad skinny bitches there”... ahem, apart from YOU 😬

We've never been that family.

I suppose I’m like this with picnics because I am the picnic queen! I love picnics and remember many happy days when I was little when mum and dad used to like us in the car and we’d have the most amazing days out with lovely grub!

Think about it in another way:

some people prefer pebble beach because there's no mess. I personally hate them, and avoid them as much as possible. No superiority either way, just preference. It's the same with windbreakers and bringing a small freezer on the beach

Of course having the money and space to get organised is the big thing here too.
I once cat sat for a friend and when I went to pick up her house keys I was amazed. In her large hallway, she had suitcases packed and lined up with the shoes besides then. All in order. For the next day. When we went on holiday it was a frantic pack the morning of going away. But my friend didn't work and she had plenty time and space to get organised. My hallway is the size of a postage stamp. My suitcases sat on the living room floor and everyone fell over them. My house is tiny. Hers is huge, modern and serene. Her kids don't argue, mine barely spoke.
Such is life.

When the dc were young I did keep change of clothes in the car, and buckets and spades, and a football and stuff. But once the stuff was lost or broken it never got replaced, one time I tried to put the change of clothes on dc2 but they'd grown so much I couldn't even get them on him, and all the baby wipes were dried cardboard.

I have the “picnic” gene-one of my earliest memories is my mother’s “jam jar trifles” So if we’re going with other people, they leave the food to me and I leave the cricket bars and windbreaks to them....

On our way back from a UK seaside break DH & I we’re discussing equipment & decided we need a mallet to bash down the windbreaker (that we have never used!). For some reason I think just buying the stuff will help!

I actually caught a glimpse of us being that family last week. We were in holiday and had planned to spend lots of time at the beach. We rocked up with a beach tent, Samsonite beach bag, insulated back-pack, beach shoes, wetsuits, nets, buckets, spades, books, body boards........but it was a one off and now we are back to being super disorganised.

It is, however, my plan to start minimising what we have in a bid to become more organised. I am also budgeting to get some proper equipment (bags etc.) which make it all easier.

I honestly thought I'd be one of those 'together' people but my dc hate me. Nothing I do is good enough. I could take the whole kit and caboodle to the beach and they'd find a reason to complain.

They have a shit tonne of toys they refuse to play with and just want to bother me 24.7.

If anyone can suggest anything please let me know (other than )

I remember on a Euro amp holiday when I was a kid there was a perfect Dutch mother who all the other mothers of every nationality were due to her family’s utter perfection. We were having dinner and one of the other mothers came over and hissed to mum “she’s just done the perfect dive off the top diving board “ was very funny for us kids

I know exactly what you mean, but as someone above said, it's just a snapshot. I think that the more perfect stuff you think you need to cart about, the more there is to lose/forget and the more the stress and pressure grow. Some people, however, are naturally good at this stuff - good for them, but you're good at other stuff they wish they could master (promise!)
As for the happiness and lack of arguments - I hope it is genuine, lovely if it is (although it won't be 24/7, how can it be?) but when I was a child I was never allowed to misbehave/'spoil things', particularly in public. It was very important to my mother that everyone would think we were the perfect happy family, and that she could believe it herself, and I would be letting her down and in serious trouble if I shattered the illusion.
So keep on being perfectly imperfect and enjoy your cheese sarnies!
PS I follow Beta Mummy on Facebook, she might cheer you up!

Oh, and even on that rare beach day, my kids still argued and whinged!

Ha, we're a city family so no car to cart stuff about. I wouldn't be seen dead without my cheese sandwich picnic though, sweaty cheese sandwiches are the best!

ssd Obviously money helps but I don’t think its just that. I have had most of the summer holidays off & the day before we went away, I sent the kids off to their grans so I could pack, I still forgot stuff & didn’t actually pack till the evening 😃