To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

[Mypetsnails]

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

The thing is, there’s only so much that you actually need to have a nice time somewhere. So taking a buggy, a couple of picnic blankets, some changes of clothes, swimming stuff and a picnic to the beach is fair enough. The people who bring all that plus a load of windbreakers, a volleyball set and loads of equipment for the sea risk taking over the beach.

I may be a bit sour but there have been a few times when equipment families have landed on the beach near us. They were Having The Most Fun Ever and spread out so much that it felt like everyone else was on the periphery, trying not to get in the way of All The Fun.

Personally i dont care, our younger family outings were always with friends, a chaos of shouting, arguing, massive packed lunches of crusty bread, cold hot dogs and crisps, so much laughter.

As adults we still holiday together, laughter, noise, beer, laughter, food, skiing, wine, laughter, more beer and wine.
, more noise, more laughter.

Never picked up a tennis racquet. Who wants to be boring,

I aim to be this family but we are a very budget version! I'm not sure anyone looks at us with envy, although I do regularly take the kids out cycling on my own, dd is 2 in a cycle seat on my bike and the ds ages 5 and 6 on their little bikes, all kitted out properly and usually someone comments about how I'm doing a good job, I think they must assume I'm a single mum and feel sorry for me!

It's an awful lot of work for a day out and how do they transport all the stuff from vehicle to picnic area. And then it rains after an hour. Cheese sandwich, drink, fruit enjoy!

I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

Something really lovely about this sentence. Actually perfectly encapsulates a great deal on the issue

Most days we'd be that family, but honestly we just know what we like and what works through lots of trial and error. We'll go out most evenings to kick a ball around, play catch or tig in the park after dinner to tire kids out, then come home and the kids know it's time for pjs, teeth and stories before bed because we get them down for 7 before the wine opens I clean their water bottles and sort their school stuff soon as we get home along with any activities for that day and have set places things live so I can always find them. Never used to and it just got too much so I changed it.

If we're out all day I'll make a picnic which we do a lot so we don't make past mistakes where they've been high on crap, we'll go somewhere to do something specific so flying kites or their drone, but take a football and tennis set too so when the smallest is bored there's plenty to fall back on. Our windbreaker (hate sand in my face which has happened countless times) folds down small so is no hassle for the beach where we've learned what they're interested in (after meltdowns of seeing others having fun with whatever it is) so take nets, plastic tub for their catches, bucket and spade and light blanket. They carry the nets and backpack carries the rest. Also know their energy levels so can leave before they get to the cranky or hyper stage, which they've done multiple times before.

I think I've seen what hasn't worked a lot and tried things until it fit with us all, and so we repeat those experiences. We're on our third year of centre parcs and will be taking all food(after them running out of everything at the shop last time), cleaning stuff (spent two days cleaning dishes with water and hand soap), hand soap (went a day without ), games and dvds for the night or morning. But only because we've been caught out before.

My point is, every family who looks like that have had the meltdowns, the disorganised chaos that hasn't worked (works well for us in some situations though), and have just used those experiences to avoid them the next time. And if it's worked, they repeat it and have a good time, thus looking like the perfect family.

Don’t worry - as soon as they get home the Walton’s turn into the Simpson’s.

I'd rather be the Simpsons 😁

we are that family with teenagers who manages to have a brazing row on the ferry back from Staten Island. My family New York memories are of $1 pizza and drama, State of Liberty and drama, museums and drama, 9/11 fountain... you guessed it... drama! We are that other family, that one that makes you happy to be you.

Comparison is the thief of joy.

Why compare yourself to someone else?
I couldn’t be bothered to to that much stuff, sounds like far too much like hard work, but I’m me, and they are them.
It doesn’t matter what to do as long as you’re happy.

We'll I WOULD be that mum but unfortunately I've got the wrong family.
While I triangle cut the cucumber sandwiches and pack the cake stand... DS5 sneakily climbs out of the kitchen window behind me to roll in the muddy garden, DS7 asks Alexa to play Pigface at top volume, DD1 grabs the shoes one by one and throws them into the toilet and H slopes off to get back under the duvet for another 20 minutes. 21 minutes later we get in the car covered in mud/still in pyjamas, innapropriately shod, unshowered. Sandwiches shoved in my handbag, crisps already eaten, baby crying, hairbrush and socks in my hands to do in the car. And it all goes downhill from there with fights, shouting, crying, complaining "can I have?", "why are we here?", "didn't you check the directions?", "guess how much the drinks cost?" etc until we return..me on the verge of...lets say tears...
and then the boys pop their heads up and say "that was the best day EVER!"

I’ve just sorted everyone’s shoes into their own boxes! Revelation. They were literally all mixed up. 😇 for me!

A few years ago we were on the beach sitting on our leaky picnic rug weighed down with stones and a family came and set up camp near us.
Out came the wind breaks, the picnic table, calling stove and......the silver coffee pot.

Strangely we were at the beach yesterday chatting about whether we should buy a little stove but we decided that if we did that we also had to get the coffee pot!!

You need to read 'Why Mummy drinks' - as well as a bloody good laugh, gives a very good insight into how we all 'look' to other people. How do you know the other Mum isn't somewhere writing a thread about how she wishes she could be more spontaneous and carefree, like this wonderfully laid back family she saw at the National Trust the other day who appeared to have skipped out the door with nothing more than a cardi and a cheese sandwich, while she'd been up packing the car since 6am! There's always a cost!

Heavy sigh. I would so desperately love for us to be one of “those” families but my DH is far too impatient and any time I try to organise stuff it all turns into a row about whether I “really need” it.

I will say though that failing to organise can sometimes yield unexpected and great things. When DS was a baby we holidayed in New Jersey with my family. We took a side trip to Boston and drove up one morning. When lunchtime came we stopped at a New England inn along the way and realised we’d forgotten to bring the bag of food for DS. I was silently panicking but DH was certain it would all be fine - we’d find something on the menu he could eat. We each ordered a lobster pie - which was like a shepherds pie with a mashed potato topping rather than pastry (and absolutely gorgeous!) - and started feeding him bites from our meals. He had never eaten lobster before. He LOVED it and kept opening his mouth for more and more. I never worried again about how I was going to feed him if we went out. It was a very useful lesson.

I can also say there was a time when my “overpacking” came in handy when DS was about 3 or 4 - we had gone on a longish drive for the day and he was carsick. An extra set of clothes was very welcome then!

But now the DC are past that age so I am a bit more minimalist and relaxed, though always feel myself shown up at sports and speech days ☹️.

Having all the stuff ready means you can be spontaneous though, if it's a lovely day and you want to go out you can be in the car and on the way in minutes

I've come across families who would consider themselves spontaneous and talk about doing something but not get round to doing it or going out. They are unlikely to think ahead about anything though, the families school holidays always come as a surprise to and wonder why activities are already booked up!

We’re currently on holiday in the UK, and today was the first beach-friendly weather for days... but somehow I managed to pitch up at the beach without a towel or cossie for DD (9) despite knowing she wanted a swim. I refused to pay a tenner for a rubbish towel in the beach shop, so DD went in the sea (properly, not just paddling) in an adult-size vest top which was in sale in there for £2, and her knickers. Drying off involved brief nudity and a towelling off with my dress (which I was wearing). It worked well enough for a quick dip.

I like to think that our use of initiative in an emergency would serve us well in a zombie apocalypse, but of course the organised families will still be working their way through their stockpiled tinned goods long after we’ve starved to death.

I knew a woman at playgroup who literally came with nothing except her baby. She once took a napkin out of my hands to wipe up her child 😁.

We're certainly not one of those families although at times we have managed elements of it, like First aid kit, spare clothes, beach shoes etc in car for spontaneous paddling in the river after school.
However, most of the time we have those intentions but haven't been able to find the beach tent in the depths of the shed and we are arriving at the beach/ park etc. just as everyone else is packing up to go home, with our grumpy kids who'd rather be playing video games. It does all seem a little bit like forced fun and I'd rather go with the flow. Maybe we'll manage an element of organized next week, although I doubt it.

This thread has made me search for ‘insulated picnic rucksacks’ on amazon prime. Think I will get one for our next holiday!

I usually forget a towel at the beach and have to dry my son with his pants

I have days out being ruined by preventable stuff so I am That Parent, first aid kit in changing bag, spare clothes, activities I'm case of rain, snacks, contingencies snacks & too much food. I'm one of 4 kids and mum had to be organised for us to function, it's something that just rubs off i think.

My picnic rucksack is from Mountain Warehouse, I got it the back end of last year.

It replaced one that I had had for years, that i got from McCain chip by collecting tokens. They are fab as it means your hands are free.

This one but a different design. I still pine over the old one but it serves us well. The picnic stuff is quite good as well.

www.mountainwarehouse.com/4-person-picnic-set-patterned-p12390.aspx/

I'm that mum with everything for days out. It's only because I'm highly susceptible to the random crap aisles in Lidl and have everything a human could possibly need for any scenario.

We're not really that family but we do have a "National Trust kit" for days out. It's just a freebie makeup bag with wipes, tissues, antibac, plasters, hair clips, paracetamol and a cool cutlery tool! We keep it under the stairs and just grab it if we're off somewhere (usually NT) - it's actually been really useful. But that's as organised as I get.