To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

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Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

I can never understand the people in theme parks who as soon as there is a drop of rain the plastic kagool comes out. Surely if it rains you get wet. We watched a family in the long queue change umpteen times as the rain stopped and started.

We always felt sorry for those children who weren't allowed to play in the water and fountain play features.

You would see them wandering past looking longingly at ds DD and me soaked to the skin running in the water and there patents dragging them past with the comment that they couldn't go in as they hadn't got a change of clothes.
Neither did we but either the sun dried us or we went home wet

@rose789 you’ve made my day

I don't think any of the stuff you are mentioning matters one iota.

Your kids are growing up in a lovely family, surrounded by love and with few material worries. That makes them some of the luckiest kids on the planet.

I'm sure you are doing a great job, and you have everything you need already. Just because it doesn't look like a shot out of a catalogue doesn't mean it's inferior in any meaningful way.

I'm naturally quite an ordered and tidy person - HOW some of my colleagues work with their desks and shelves in the state they are I don't know. DH and DC are the messiest people ever and drive me barmy!

Yes, in the baby stage we were THAT family with the sun/wind shelters and bags and bags of equipment on the beach. Now that phase is over and its a relief not to have to plan everything like a military operation. Nowadays all we take are the obligatory buckets and spades, ball, kite and a sand-free rug. Our cool bag doubles as a picnic basket (courtesy of The Range).

I pack a day or two before leaving for holidays, but have usually sorted all the laundry and ironing some days before. (DH packs his own stuff; we both pack for DC).

I do laundry on holiday if there are facilities available, and unpack and put everything away the moment I reach home (hides face in shame).

NB coordinating storage space in the hallway is a great idea. I've never gone that far, but our constantly messy shoe-rack gets on my nerves. As for inventorying the week's meals on a chalk board, I just cook them and bung them in the freezer. There's such a thing as going OTT!

I would have coordinating storage space but as DH would ignore it for some "system" of his own... there is no point.

I can be that family. (Well it's only ds and I!)

When we go to the beach I had picnic rug, towels each, large spades and buckets, blow up body board, picnic bag and beach tent.
Ds would entertain himself for hours and I'd read, chat to him and paddle/swim with him etc.
But tent was bought in Oct in sale, spade etc £1 from Asda, towels - again summer sale and cool bag the same (from sainburies so prob looked posh!).

But he knew no different. We had very little money so that was his days out and he enjoyed them. Plus we did it a lot so I'd got it down to a T!

I grew up camping holidays so I also was use to the chilling in space and making my own fun. Also hours in cars travelling.

But I can assure what I may look like when out and about - all organised and prepared isn't necessarily how my everyday life passes day to day.

But I will add even though my friends are impressed with my organisation and think I'm on it.

I always spot people 'familiying' better than me

Made me laugh - we regularly go to a wild swimming spot near us and last week had this experience - we have trailers to carry everything from the car, massive cool bags, inflatable kayaks and paddleboards, water shoes for all of us, changing towels, chairs bbq etc youngest has lifejacket and kids have wet suits to use if it gets a bit cold. We always meet another similar family and have a great time - everyone else's kids look on enviously at our kids activities. We just sit there glowing with smugness at being the envy of everyone.

2 days later we were sat on the beach with cheese sandwiches in a plastic bag and kids swimming in their pants getting dried on our hoodies.

I think most families have a certain amount of both in them - things they do regularly they have kit for and know exactly what to take but other things they just wing it.

What is a wild swimming spot? How's that different to a beach?

I'd think a wild swimming spot is a freshwater lake with grassy banks as opposed to the sea/ beach, or a or swimming pond (non chemical "natural" but human managed outdoor pool, forgotten the proper name). Can't be that wild if there were so many people looking at the family though!

I wouldn't be so sure "everyone" was envious, there are plenty of other points of view on this thread!

I was more over organised when the children were little. Very organised indeed if going anywhere by public transport, less so but kept everything we could possibly need in the boot if driving.

Once kids are all reliably toilet trained it's pleasanter for everyone involved to be more relaxed and travel light!

Some people are just naturally organised & it's automatic, so not a chore. Those who aren't are just different & that's fine unless it bothers you or is so bad it causes real upset or issues. Personally I don't like a make it up as you go along attitude (which a ditzy friend has) as it means there's always something forgotten or missed which is un necessary stress you could have avoided. (what's that Army "five P's"? Proper preparation prevents poor performance? )

CSIblonde that's just it though - who wants to live in a family run like an army unit?

My mum used to need everything to be perfect, I'd swear she thought there were hidden cameras / judgemental relatives watching our every move in public and at home, it was all a performance. Nothing was really fun, it was all low level stressful all the time, very stressful at peak perfectionism times like Christmas and family holidays, with the tears and emotional blackmail to perform gratitude, enjoyment and perfect family relationships ramping up as we got older.

Organisation is necessary with preschoolers but too much organisation and perfectionism and unrealistic expectations of "familying" are stifling and stressful for the children too as they get older. Spontaneity should increase and luggage decrease once nobody is likely to tantrum/ need a nap or pee themselves...

I'd think a wild swimming spot is a freshwater lake with grassy banks as opposed to the sea/ beach, or a or swimming pond (non chemical "natural" but human managed outdoor pool, forgotten the proper name). Can't be that wild if there were so many people looking at the family though!

Ah, OK, I guess we'd call that a 'swimming hole' perhaps (in the US).

My mum used to need everything to be perfect, I'd swear she thought there were hidden cameras / judgemental relatives watching our every move in public and at home, it was all a performance. Nothing was really fun, it was all low level stressful all the time, very stressful at peak perfectionism times like Christmas and family holidays, with the tears and emotional blackmail to perform gratitude, enjoyment and perfect family relationships ramping up as we got older.

You’re conflating organisation with control, perfectionism and emotional manipulation. They’re not necessarily related. And organisation doesn’t have to mean army level discipline.

It’s because I like to be chilled and relaxed that I don’t like disorganisation as it just creates extra, un-necessary stress.

There is a vast difference between well organised and the stressed out perfectionist.

I'm well organised...if I'm not it stresses me out. Each to their own etc

At wild swimming spot in Spain it’s a bank holiday. Families have gazebos hammocks tables chairs and whole delicious Spanish lunches in cool boxes. We cannot even begin to compete

Growing up I feel like we were always that family. The truth is like us, sometimes we’re the super organised family, feeding others and playing with all the equipment and other days we’re borrowing sun cream from strangers

I'm very organised and bring lots of little useful bits on days out. I don't do rackets, windbreakers and shelters though because it's too much crap to carry

I’m not one of “those” people, but my husband is. I like to travel light, and I’m very flexible. He on the other hand brings everything; is prepared for anything; and wants to do everything. It’s exhausting.

Not really same comparison op but I remember the two young boys on beach with mum, glowing with good health and eating a packet of spinach as though it were crisps... Grabbing great handfuls of the stuff and gobbling it down.

I dislike having lots of stuff and would never cart windbreakers around to the beach. But we are sometimes ultra organised, and other times very organised. DH insists on a rule off all shoes in a sideboard in the hall and only 1 pair of shoes out at a time, and all coats hung up on hooks in the hall. I leave him to police this.
I am good at doing decent picnics and will spend the time doing nice salads for example. And a flask of tea alongside some bubbly.
We have a calendar hung up in the downstairs toilet that everything goes on.
But we are both crap at life admin and normally struggling to keep on top of it.
I think most people are good at some organisational things and not at others.

If things are always perfect and sorted it means some children cant cope when things arent right.Its normal to make do,think of how to solve things when they arent right and for children not to be completely entertained all day.