To wonder why we aren't one of "those" families

[Mypetsnails]

Sort of lighthearted. This is going to sound SO daft. But do you ever notice the families who seem, well, better at family-ing than everyone else?

We went to a thing at a National Trust place at the weekend. Took a picnic and sat on the big green. Right beside us there was this family that had a three sided shelter type thing which they'd popped their baby and picnic in to protect them from the sun. They'd brought tennis racquets and these gorgeous kids and their equally beautiful parents were taking it in turns to whack a ball around/sit in the shelter thing. They had a picnic cool bag the size of my kitchen, no idea what they brought but it was probably nicer than my tragic cheese sandwiches

Then there's the beach. We're trying to stop our towels blowing away, and the alpha family have a wall of windbreaks, a body board, and a barbecue.

DD is actually friends with a child from such a family, and they also have a really organised hallway with special named slots and storage systems for all the children's outdoor things. Plus the mum has a boot storage thing with a first aid kit, plasters, and spare clothes in it.

There's obviously nothing stopping me buying little shelters, bodyboards, and shoe storage for my hallway, but it's more that it wouldn't occur to me? And I don't know why? I used to play at a tennis club twice a week, why on earth don't WE bring racquets with us?

Does anyone know what I mean? I was a very solitary only child, and my parents didn't do a lot of child friendly things with me, so maybe it's a bit of a hangover from that - I remember feeling that my family and home was very different from other people's but when I tried to express why to my mum, I said "they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"

I sympathise OP, I find myself continually comparing myself to other people and wondering why I can't be more organised. Latest was sitting on the beach with two old towels and a warm bottle of water. Watching all the people with windbreaks/packed lunches/reading a book looking super relaxed. I felt too hot/uncomfortable/bored/wondering where that windbreak in the garage is that I haven't seen for several years.

How do these families stop the children from complaining?! I could be supermum and DD would still pitch a fit because she changed her mind and wanted a different sandwich or a fly came near her.

Yes this is what I wonder. I’m pretty good at planning ahead and bringing the right kit (although for some reason I never have tissues) but it still never looks like perfect familying because DD1 can always find something to whinge about and DD2 is addicted to running off and climbing up stuff so I’m usually rather tetchy with one or both of them.

Kit is easy. How do you get the enthusiastic cheerful DC?

Ha Ha,
Totally understand, there is actually an Outnumbered episode like this too. One where the family next door come out all smart ready for school and the ON family pour out disheveled and fighting, Alpha mum then hands over a box of toys thrown over her fence. Experienced this myself on a camping trip, we had 7 between us, she had 4 but they came out of the camper van neat in lovely pjs, with washbags, after a trip to the toilets they sat at a laid table & had breakfast. My friend and I watched over our windbreak, looking from her camp to ours, where our 7 sat in messy pjs, slouched in camping chairs, unbrushed hair and cereal bowls balanced on laps. We did have fun though!!

I am that family

My friends laugh as they known I’ll rock up to picnics/days out etc with an array of things to do/play with/wipes/first aid bits/endless food. Oh and a little gas burner for tea and coffee or ice sleeve for the wine! Doesn’t make my family sweetness and light though, I’m a hideous nightmare if I’m not organised! I have to write a list or I turn into the hulk!

Oh and one game of volleyball would break me!

I think we could be that family if we tried. But I’m far too lazy to lugg all that shite all the way there and all the way home. We like to travel light - I hate trudging down the beach laden up to the eyeballs!!

Mine were mostly whingy when they were tired, hungry or bored. Eliminate those problems, keep them busy, they were okay. Plus we had 4 kids so whiners were generally frowned upon and encouraged out of it by the others.

Nowadays only DC4 is at home. He is more whingy on his own than the other 3 were put together. But he is like a dog; lots of exercise and lots of food keeps him sweet. He’s been on his screen today and came downstairs whinging so I sent him to his mate’s on his bike. Should do the trick.

When my DS were younger I used to keep a list of for "if we do X we need Y" type thing. So if we went for a picnic and I thought "oh be nice if we had racquets" I'd note it. Then refer to it... Kind of enhance each activity as we went along! I also keep notes if someone things of doing something then when I'm stuck suggest it!

I work really long hours so am usually far too busy when the time comes to think things up or think what we need, so lists it is!

I think those families have at least one organised person with bags of enthusiasm and energy for family gatherings. That person will probably do it all from planning the day, organising the food, the transport and entertainment as well as join in with the fun.

I've tried to be this person and although organised I don't necessarily want to join in with lots of games.

We had this camping. Turned up to put up our little tent, all got into an argument and stropped around.

A little later another family turn up with a giant tent everyone speaks in an extremely civilised way to one another and put up a massive tent together with the mum dishing out instructions in a calm manner. That evening a ukulele came out and they all sang together!!! No cross words and everyone was strangely quiet!

Surely everyone has times when their kids are all playing nicely and times when it is carnage?
I still remember a mum being impressed when she popped into my garden and found me reading a story to 5 kids of different ages all sitting round me listening raptly (not all my kids!). She had popped in for something and went on her way. That rapt attention literally lasted about 5 minutes. A few minutes after she left the kids all got bored, wandered away and started to cause carnage again.

My parents are like this, I'm one of 8 kids, if they weren't this organised it would never work. My younger siblings actually preferred my slightly disorganised, sweaty cheese sandwich picnics, and playing "cricket" with a stick and a pine cone we found. My DC prefer mum's way of doing it, point is the grass is always greener on the other side.

“they have big tins for their biscuits and we just put ours into the cupboard"
OP this statement really struck a chord with me. I totally get it. You should right a blog and that should be the title.

Maybe they do it a lot?

Coming Summer, I tend to have a couple of sun shades, a ball, some rackets, a beach chair in the car boot.
The cool box usually carries water and some fruit.

People don't have to be very organised, as most of that stuff is bought once and lasts ages. Then you just need to store them all together.

If you are the sort that enjoys going to the park to play you'll have play stuff ready and you will remember it.

jennymanara, I’d have thought so, but it seems TinklyLittleLaugh’s kids were perfect, because of her amazing parenting that she applied her high flying career skills to

I reckon we are all that family on occasions when it seamlessly falls together (perhaps not all the equipment and paraphernalia, but the happy, contented togetherness bit). You just see a snapshot - on another day the same family could be stroppy and antsy

I have on one very memorable occasion had an older couple approach us (when the dc were around 9 & 11) and tell us how lovely it was to see the four of us engaging with each other and having fun.

Then of course there was the other day when dd said something goady to dh and he stomped off in a huff and she gave him the finger (she is 17)

I did this kind of thing when I nannied, but not with my own 😳.
I did though manage a 5 hour train trip with two under 7’s with a pack of cards, a bag of opal fruits and a copy of Anne of Green Gables which I read aloud (albeit quietly) to them.

What annoys me more are the families who have 3 big fancy cars, are permanently building some sort of extention on to their house, with the sahm, the dad who ears 6 figures a year, the kids are always groomed to within an inch of their life and do multiple after school and weekend activities. Mum is stick thin because she spends most of her life in the gym while kids are at school, her cleaner is in and someone else is walking her dogs, or mum works a six figure a year, part time job and the nanny is taking the 3 immaculate children home to do homework and feed them dinner. They go abroad for at least 4 weeks a year to some 5 star resort, and all they do is whinge and moan about how expensive things are or how long their extentions are taking to build, blah blah blah. Some people don't know they are born.
I may be specifically thinking of 5 families I know where we live but I'm sure they're not the only ones.

One of my mum friends invited me to a teddy bears picnic at the last minute so I went along not really thinking it was going to be an actual picnic.

She had a wicker hamper full of Brie sandwiches wrapped in cloth and other twee things and I had warm squashed jam sandwiches in an empty bread bag I died inside.

My mother was and is a massive over packer, I thought it ruined days out as a kids as everyone would have to carry a bag and you’d be so weighed down it’d spoil your fun.

With my own kids, the rule is, if it doesn’t fit in the backpack, it doesn’t come. Unless we are planning to camp out at the beach all day, when I will allow extra inflatables and body boards.

Well I’m not gonna lie, I do have very good kids. But that is just very good luck. And my idea of good kids might not be someone else’s.

And I applied my skills to being a mum because i’m a bit controlling and anxious. I’m quite strict too. I’m not laid back; I couldn’t wing it to the beach with a family bag of crisps and a towel. I’m the mum with the wasp sting stick and a kite stashed in the boot because you never know when they’ll come in handy.

I feel there's a very thin line between super-organised picnicking and eating an organised picnic near the boot of your car in the car park of beautiful attractions and stunning nature spots. I always wonder about these people - why would you do that??!! Why??!!

If your picnic is too cumbersome to carry further than 3ft from your car, surely it ceases to be a picnic?

I honestly couldn’t be arsed to be one of those Uber organisers of the family, there is a time and place for that(like your job) and kids should be allowed to run free a bit and be allowed to make a mistake or two, it’s all part of becoming a real grown up.

packing a bodyboard and a box of cake bars doesn’t mean your kids are not running free.

There’s nothing inherently virtuous about being disorganised. It doesn’t mean you are cooler or more free spirited or anything.

I start off like that family (or try to) but within half an hour I’m storming back to the car carrying a tantrumming DD under my arm like a rugby ball.

LOL. We recently went camping (against my better judgement...) with friends. They arrived with some magical sort of tent that self-inflates into the Taj Mahal at the press of a button. We had DH's cheapo tent from his gap year and it hadn't occurred to him to re-waterproof it. They had a camp kitchen that would have kept Gordon Ramsay purring. We had - nothing - we bought food from the shop.