To just want a bit of bloody privacy?

[1wokeuplikethis]

I am a stay at home mum to young kids. My days are peppered with requests, demands, near-misses, relentless questions, and should I have the audacity to leave a room in order to wee/put washing away/make a brew I am almost immediately summoned...for example I am frantically wiping on the toilet to the chorus of “muuuuummmy!” “Mummmyyyyy!!!!” “Where are YOOOUUU??” Or worse than that, a sudden scream or shout or cry because someone has got their finger stuck in something, or fallen off something, or an advert has interrupted their viewing pleasure or they just have to know what orange and blue and white make. I spend my day in a moderate to severe state of stress about what is going to happen next.

Anyway. In our house we have a small bedroom, small landing and a tight bathroom. When it comes to getting ready, I allow my husband his space upstairs to get himself ready while I stay downstairs. HOWEVER WHEN IT IS MY TURN TO GET READY, BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A PEACEFUL SHIT BECAUSE ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS IN THE VICINITY AND IS NOT MID-PUSH, I am constantly interrupted by him, the grown up. I am in the bathroom and he comes in, bashing me with the door, I’m trying to do my hair and he comes in to brush his teeth (which he forgot to do in the blissful uninterrupted 20 minutes of him-time which I can only presume he spent twiddling his knob or having the leisureliest of shits instead of brushing his teeth), I am trying to see how something looks in the mirror and he stands behind me waiting to squeeze past, trying things on with a silent audience standing awkwardly over your shoulder is most infuriating. I am putting my earrings in and he is shuffling behind me to get his bastarding socks. I am on the toilet with the door shut and he comes in to ask where something is ad nauseam.

Is it terribly unreasonable of me to expect a bit of bloody privacy and SPACE from the other adult in the house who is at no risk of twatting himself off the sofa while I dash upstairs, or putting his face in the grumpy cats belly while I am hanging the washing out or wanting me to witness him counting glacially slowly from one to one hundred?

I have taken to loudly shouting HIYA when he appears initially, and then as I hear him coming up the stairs to stand directly where I am standing I commentate “OH HERE HE IS AGAIN, IM STANDING RIGHT HERE IF YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE PAST ME OR BLOCK THE MIRROR?” And every single time his reaction is a sorry not sorry what’s the big deal face.

So, do I just accept this is my life- to have zero privacy at any time or during any bodily function (he has come in to talk to me mid tampon change for the love of god) or should I just twat him with the door now as a last resort when I hear him coming? Hide and shout boo to frighten him? Actually hide in a cupboard and see how long it takes for him to decide he wants to sit in that cupboard at exactly the same time?

Why no lock OP? How odd.

nicky why are they even in the bathroom with you.?

Sorry read again nickety, poor you

Does he cook? Mine offers to cook to give me a sit down and then comes in 97 times to ask questions, questions, endless questions. Likewise with laundry or cleaning. I frequently lose it with him - does he think I was born with absolute knowledge of how to do everything? No, I stand quietly and have a little think. So now I say, "stand and have a little think and you decide". It seems to have gone in at long last, maybe after the time I full on ranted for nearly an hour about all the things.

But the hovering. The hovering is ongoing. I'm reading a book, listening to bail, watching a programme, writing, dozing, bruising my teeth. He comes near and just stand there, slightly expectantly. I've started using an evil glare, because it's slightly better than snapping, "Go. Away." But it makes me feel a bit sad too, that I can't appreciate that all he wants is to lurk lovingly nearby.

Listening to bail? What? How does music turn into bail? Maybe I've been ruminating too much on what I want to do when he hovers...

Your post made me chuckle, not the content but the way it is written. Your life sounds like a nightmare. You need a lock pronto. My partner is a permanent in-the-way presence if I work from home, it's infuriating

Just beware that if you install a lock he will likely use it to take 40min shits.

YANBU. I've even got a bolt on the kitchen door. I put it there myself. I don't want anyone near me when I snip my chives or flatten my chicken breasts, leave me in peace for crying out loud!

If I wasn't "allowed" to put a bolt on the door, I'd be taking in a chair or something so that I could jam the door.

You could always drill through the top or side of the door jam and just shove a screwdriver through the hole and fake no knowledge of this....
*experience

We don't have a bathroom lock. Did in our old place but there wasn't one here when we moved in and there's enough DIY to do without worrying about it. However, if the door is shut you do not go in. DS is too small to open doors yet. Might get a lock before then.

YANBU OP

If you can't use an actual bathroom lock (and I really can't understand why that's a massive no for a response) use a door wedge instead. 100% effective. Just go into the bathroom and shut the door. Wedge in. Privacy. Sorted.

Passive-aggressive isn't working, clearly, have you tried talking to him about this? You don't state if you've actually sat down and told him that you need this time and that he needs to give you it.

Sometimes it seems so obvious to us but they actually don't realise they're doing anything wrong. It could be that he thinks your level of intimacy is such that you genuinely won't be bothered if he barges in.

I see why you're annoyed but if he's a decent person I'm sure he will take it on board if you communicate rather than be sarcastic and give funny looks

Sorry OP just saw that you have spoken to him about it. Maybe a real serious sit-down chat is in order, at a time separately from when the incident happens so you can calm down and he can't fob you off as being unreasonable or having a joke or anything like that.

Door wedge then since he won’t “allow you” to do DIY.

My husband can be abit like this. I find that repeating myself works best. Either "Do not come in, I am pooing" or if he asks me a question I respond only with "I am on the toilet, leave me alone" "Yes, but..." "I am on the toilet, leave me alone". He gets the hint quick. He doesn't do it often anyway. I would be really miffed if he did. It really is quite disrespectful and to me indicates he doesn't view you as much of an adult to respect your needs, even when you've been direct.

Lock the door. Make it a safety lock so that DC can’t get locked in, and you can always open it with a coin/screwdriver/finger from the outside. If your husband unlocks it from the outside whilst you’re in there, you have a bigger problem than a thoughtless DH

Definitely get a door wedge. If he does get in start singing something that will get stuck in his head.
I get up and have the first shower before the kids get up, so dh is the one that gets interrupted 😂.

A standard “Fuck off I’m busy” when he tries to get into the bathroom/talk to you through the door would be totally reasonable in my opinion

I have to suggest it because I am not allowed to do any DIY.
What a load of shit. Just buy a lock and put it on. Or get a handyman in, NOT your husband.
He cannot dictate if you have a lock or not and since he can't listen to you and ignores your need for space, then that's the first fucking thing I'd be doing.

This is entirely fixable

A hidden door wedge is the best option. Don't let your DH know where it is as you want to be able to send the children in to "ask daddy" when he's on the loo

Actually this reminds me of the time when my [male] BOSS started asking me questions through the door when I was mid-stream. Fortunately I have a pelvic floor of steel (no DC obvs ), so I could "pause" but WTF was he thinking?!

I feel your pain op. DS is a hunter downer as well (actually he just went to find DH - I just heard the downstairs loo door opening followed by a cry of ‘a-HA! Here he is!’ ). DH doesn’t barge in on purpose but as our house is very small, we tend to end up on top of one another without really meaning to. Yesterday, I spent ages setting up a bloody Pinterest activity for DS - I didn’t even buy me enough time for a quick wee 😑

Definitely got to get a bathroom door lock though!

Get a door wedge and wedge the door when you are in the bathroom.

When mine were little we had the 'no questions egg timer'. Get one and start training your dcs up immediately. You can talk to me....but no questions. I used it when we first came in the house, especially with shopping to unpack. Once they are fully trained, you could extend it's use to the bathroom.

get one of these, they cost fuck all and will end all shit interuptus issues, you can still go nuclear on him when he bangs on the door, but just for fun