To just want a bit of bloody privacy?

[1wokeuplikethis]

I am a stay at home mum to young kids. My days are peppered with requests, demands, near-misses, relentless questions, and should I have the audacity to leave a room in order to wee/put washing away/make a brew I am almost immediately summoned...for example I am frantically wiping on the toilet to the chorus of “muuuuummmy!” “Mummmyyyyy!!!!” “Where are YOOOUUU??” Or worse than that, a sudden scream or shout or cry because someone has got their finger stuck in something, or fallen off something, or an advert has interrupted their viewing pleasure or they just have to know what orange and blue and white make. I spend my day in a moderate to severe state of stress about what is going to happen next.

Anyway. In our house we have a small bedroom, small landing and a tight bathroom. When it comes to getting ready, I allow my husband his space upstairs to get himself ready while I stay downstairs. HOWEVER WHEN IT IS MY TURN TO GET READY, BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A PEACEFUL SHIT BECAUSE ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS IN THE VICINITY AND IS NOT MID-PUSH, I am constantly interrupted by him, the grown up. I am in the bathroom and he comes in, bashing me with the door, I’m trying to do my hair and he comes in to brush his teeth (which he forgot to do in the blissful uninterrupted 20 minutes of him-time which I can only presume he spent twiddling his knob or having the leisureliest of shits instead of brushing his teeth), I am trying to see how something looks in the mirror and he stands behind me waiting to squeeze past, trying things on with a silent audience standing awkwardly over your shoulder is most infuriating. I am putting my earrings in and he is shuffling behind me to get his bastarding socks. I am on the toilet with the door shut and he comes in to ask where something is ad nauseam.

Is it terribly unreasonable of me to expect a bit of bloody privacy and SPACE from the other adult in the house who is at no risk of twatting himself off the sofa while I dash upstairs, or putting his face in the grumpy cats belly while I am hanging the washing out or wanting me to witness him counting glacially slowly from one to one hundred?

I have taken to loudly shouting HIYA when he appears initially, and then as I hear him coming up the stairs to stand directly where I am standing I commentate “OH HERE HE IS AGAIN, IM STANDING RIGHT HERE IF YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE PAST ME OR BLOCK THE MIRROR?” And every single time his reaction is a sorry not sorry what’s the big deal face.

So, do I just accept this is my life- to have zero privacy at any time or during any bodily function (he has come in to talk to me mid tampon change for the love of god) or should I just twat him with the door now as a last resort when I hear him coming? Hide and shout boo to frighten him? Actually hide in a cupboard and see how long it takes for him to decide he wants to sit in that cupboard at exactly the same time?

Bolt or wedge.

And tell him no one, but no one is to disturb you even if the house is on fire.

Boundaries op, you need boundaries.

Just to cheer you up, it never ends. My dc are ow 15 and 12 and it is still the same relentlessness. Take a kindle, run a bath and put the radio on and drown them all out for a good half an hour. It is the only way you will ever survive the holidays.

I was in the downstairs toilet changing a tampon when the door opens. It was dh. "what are you doing" he says. For fucks sake
If I'm upstairs when he comes in from work, the first thing he says is "Where's mum" to one of the kids.
I really need my own space, i don't cope well with people hanging off me all the time.

Lock on the door.

My late mother in law never responded when she was in the bathroom and called by others.

It was a silent parallel universe with a soundproof door.

I like this door jam. If you forget to use it, it would appear to double up as a club.

Have you considered a new patio?

Howling at the man gate comment. 😂

Who are the 4% saying YABU. 1-2% is human error. But the remaining 2-3 wtf???

Buy a door lock and use it.

Go ape shit at your DH if he tries to come into the bathroom. I think it’s wired that adults enjoy the kind of relationship where you would go and chat to your partner mid-shit.

Stop giving him uninterrupted time then. Do it back. Honestly. He will soon see how irritating it is and hopefully concede that you do, in fact, need a bit of time and space in the morning. And unless it's something specifically only you would know the whereabouts of (e.g. your keys), the only correct answer is "I don't know" when he asks you where stuff is. Or "have a look". Until he gets the message and stops asking. You're not his mother, I'm sure a grown adult is more than capable of finding what he needs for a brief 20 minute window while his wife uses the bathroom and gets dressed.

I have had 4 kids and 2 husbands. I never allowed any of them in the bathroom when I was using it.
And I refuse to have a shouty conversation though the bathroom door either. You need to train them to give you space. Start with the big kid and your actual kids will follow

Shove him down the stairs ! No really i dont mean that just dont give him any space for a week and he will soon get fed up. Buy a lock, why does any home not have a lock on the bathroom door ? I had 3 children and not once did any of them lock themselves in the bathroom

I agree you need to enforce boundaries with both husband and kids.

I think it's a way of him ensuring he doesn't have to pick up any child related jobs while you're in there!

My mum would’ve gone APESHIT if any of us had barged in on her in the bathroom. A) get a lock!!! And B) you need to instil some discipline and boundaries. I would never have dared to even knock on the bathroom door when my mum was in there, and knew there would be BIG trouble if I’d ever gone in!! Why don’t your kids/DH have consequences for pulling this shit?!

Put a simple bolt on the door - high up where the kids can't reach to lock themselves in.

'Go AWAY! I'm doing a poo!' is a useful expression.

Similar story in my house OP. I had to point out to DH that, in the same way he could see DD needing time by herself, I DO TOO!!

I can't say nobody ever interrupts my showers to ask me where something is/have a poo and a chat/try to get in with me but I would say it's less frequent at least, since I made the point.

Get a hook and eye bolt put high on the bathroom door (you can open in an emergency from the outside if you use a slim book/card through the gap) and a pair of noise cancelling headphones.

Shut yourself in the bathroom, put on the headphones and read a magazine for ten minutes.

He can cope without toilet access for a few minutes and you need a break!

Lock the door on the bathroom from dh and tell your dc you are busy, Ignore them for a few minutes

I feel for you! That would drive me INSANE.

I wouldn't allow my dc in the bathroom or loo with me.When they were babies I would shower with them in the bathroom

The loo was a small cubicle.

Fit a bolt high up on the door as others have said.
Alternatively, start doing exactly the same to him!
Or,
Assume he there to help you and demand he wipes your arse, bushes your teeth, washes your face etc (basically be a toddler) until he gets the message.
Loving the man gate idea!

You haven't said, why don't you get a lock?

I'm not proud to admit that I went passive aggressive. Huge sigh and leaving the room/space whenever DH invaded. Things like:

"Do let me know when you've finished so that I can have the bathroom for 10 fucking minutes without being interrupted."

Also refusing to answer anybody. Refusing to do anything asked of me. "You don't listen to me, so I'm not listening to you." "What is it that I'm asking for that is so unreasonable?"

Then going completely apeshit and leaving the house. It didn't work, but I did feel a bit better.

Ruth how could you put up,with dh barging in. Buy a lock

Stop giving him the alone time option. Always be in his alone space.
I dont underatand how it gets to this stage tho.

Do the same back to him for a week, then get a lock.

I was going to suggest this, too - a small bolt or hook, too high for little hands.

I don't understand couples that go to the toilet in front of each other. Just no

And also this - it's effing disgusting!

We only have one toilet in this house (in the bathroom, sadly) and desperate needs do get priority - so if necessary, whoever is in the bath, shower, will come out and wait, be-towelled, while the other pees or poos - but only if it's an urgent tummy problem or summat.

Otherwise, we wait.

chicken fit a bolt or buy that door wedge. Don't let them come in.

He asked me twice in 5 mins if the bath was ready.

There's a very easy two word answer to that.

Get a man gate for the top of the stairs. It’s like a baby gate, but is electrified.