To just want a bit of bloody privacy?

[1wokeuplikethis]

I am a stay at home mum to young kids. My days are peppered with requests, demands, near-misses, relentless questions, and should I have the audacity to leave a room in order to wee/put washing away/make a brew I am almost immediately summoned...for example I am frantically wiping on the toilet to the chorus of “muuuuummmy!” “Mummmyyyyy!!!!” “Where are YOOOUUU??” Or worse than that, a sudden scream or shout or cry because someone has got their finger stuck in something, or fallen off something, or an advert has interrupted their viewing pleasure or they just have to know what orange and blue and white make. I spend my day in a moderate to severe state of stress about what is going to happen next.

Anyway. In our house we have a small bedroom, small landing and a tight bathroom. When it comes to getting ready, I allow my husband his space upstairs to get himself ready while I stay downstairs. HOWEVER WHEN IT IS MY TURN TO GET READY, BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A PEACEFUL SHIT BECAUSE ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS IN THE VICINITY AND IS NOT MID-PUSH, I am constantly interrupted by him, the grown up. I am in the bathroom and he comes in, bashing me with the door, I’m trying to do my hair and he comes in to brush his teeth (which he forgot to do in the blissful uninterrupted 20 minutes of him-time which I can only presume he spent twiddling his knob or having the leisureliest of shits instead of brushing his teeth), I am trying to see how something looks in the mirror and he stands behind me waiting to squeeze past, trying things on with a silent audience standing awkwardly over your shoulder is most infuriating. I am putting my earrings in and he is shuffling behind me to get his bastarding socks. I am on the toilet with the door shut and he comes in to ask where something is ad nauseam.

Is it terribly unreasonable of me to expect a bit of bloody privacy and SPACE from the other adult in the house who is at no risk of twatting himself off the sofa while I dash upstairs, or putting his face in the grumpy cats belly while I am hanging the washing out or wanting me to witness him counting glacially slowly from one to one hundred?

I have taken to loudly shouting HIYA when he appears initially, and then as I hear him coming up the stairs to stand directly where I am standing I commentate “OH HERE HE IS AGAIN, IM STANDING RIGHT HERE IF YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE PAST ME OR BLOCK THE MIRROR?” And every single time his reaction is a sorry not sorry what’s the big deal face.

So, do I just accept this is my life- to have zero privacy at any time or during any bodily function (he has come in to talk to me mid tampon change for the love of god) or should I just twat him with the door now as a last resort when I hear him coming? Hide and shout boo to frighten him? Actually hide in a cupboard and see how long it takes for him to decide he wants to sit in that cupboard at exactly the same time?

@Fairenuff muddy lilac

Get a door wedge if you don't want to install a lock. You can put it high on a shelf when not in use.

Why isn’t he downstairs being a bloody parent?
My DH does this ALL the time and it’s so annoying!

Does he do that thing where you are reading something and he’ll put his hand through to pick something up INSTEAD of going round?? AHHH

If you've told him and he either doesn't get it/is ignoring you then you need to make him pay attention.

Go absolutely batshit at him and tell him to FTFO out of your space. Unreasonable? Maybe. Overreacting? Possibly. But he clearly isn't interested in the reasonable conversation so do something that will get his attention

YANBU to want 20 mins peace

He’s inconsiderate. Get a lock for the bathroom, OP., it’s the future. You too are entitled to a few minutes alone.

Do as I do. Announce you are going for a bath/ shower and to get ready and you do not expect to be disturbed. Go apeshit if you are. Took a few times for hubby to get the point but he now knows if I'm upstairs bathing/ getting ready, no one else is. In fact, when I want a lot going leisurely bath, the house must be empty. Establish the grounds now and make sure they're adhered to, because it'll only get worse the older the kids get.

Get a man gate for the top of the stairs. It’s like a baby gate, but is electrified.

*long hot leisurely

What age are these children?

Time to start enforcing some rules about patience and good behavior.

I'm happy to provide an alibi. And an old carpet, tarpaulin, rope, industrial cleaner and shovels.

YANBU to be pissed off but you might need to spell it out to him a bit more and think about how to get him to understand your point of view. If you don’t spend a lot of time as main adult with kids it’s hard to understand what it’s actually like.

Get a man gate for the top of the stairs. It’s like a baby gate, but is electrified.

😂😂😂

@Fairenuff

What colour does orange and blue and white make?

"I don't know, darling. Ask Daddy!"

If you're paranoid about the kids locking themselves in, install a high slide bolt near the top of the door. It's a ten minute job. If you can't do it, get someone from a handyman app.

People are stressful. Kids are stressful. Me time in bathroom is important for your physical health, as it is hard to erm...'concentrate' on the task if you are disturbed. Buy a lock and place at the highest point on the door. If you don't own or know how to use a drill...enlighten yourself with the youtube tutorials on diy, or glue it to the frame.

I have a "Do Not Disturb" sign on my door it came with my Ted Baker bedding.

A door wedge would probably do the trick if you don't want to drill the door frame for a lock.

Have you not tried a more direct approach? (Yelling “Will you please fuck off and leave me alone???”

But once he's gone to work you have the house to yourself?

Manage that time better.

Sounds like a nightmare. You need to set and maintain boundaries and get a lock for the bathroom door and lock it.

I wouldn't let anyone barge into the bathroom on me, that's what locks are for. It sounds like you haven't got any boundaries with your family and they are taking advantage of that.

A man gate!! That’s genius!

I agree, you don’t need to put up with this. You need to train him.

I also suspect this is a passive aggressive ploy so you don’t take too long.

Sounds to me like your kids are already picking up on daddy's lack of respect for you/your privacy. Just think about that for a bit.

notangelinajolie no she doesn't she has the kids? Did you read the OP when she said all day they space invade her then when another adult is around to do the parenting HE DOES THE SAME THING

Tell him to bugger off or get the kids to keep calling him when he bothers you the one that makes him lose his shit fastest gets a chocolate bar

Cant remember the last time I had a bath without all of the kids urgently needing to empty their bowels. No point locking the door, they open it from the outside with a butter knife.

Cant remember the last time I got to have a pooh in peace, if it isn't the kids, it's the sodding cat.

I lock myself out the garden sometimes, but they just climb out the window.

The school holidays are the worst. I dont even feel human.

I am a single parent but somehow your position is worse, because you SHOULD be allowed simple basic human rights.

I would start growing at him.

My dh always comes to the door to ask if I'm ok when I'm on the toilet doing a poo. Why the fuck wouldn't I be ok? I can't actually fall in, my ass wouldn't fit. I say to him now 'I'm taking a shit is that alright with you?' And he scurries off. But I don't get why the fuck he asks in the first place! He could be on the other side of the house but somehow has a sixth sense that I'm on the toilet and will find me.