To just want a bit of bloody privacy?

[1wokeuplikethis]

I am a stay at home mum to young kids. My days are peppered with requests, demands, near-misses, relentless questions, and should I have the audacity to leave a room in order to wee/put washing away/make a brew I am almost immediately summoned...for example I am frantically wiping on the toilet to the chorus of “muuuuummmy!” “Mummmyyyyy!!!!” “Where are YOOOUUU??” Or worse than that, a sudden scream or shout or cry because someone has got their finger stuck in something, or fallen off something, or an advert has interrupted their viewing pleasure or they just have to know what orange and blue and white make. I spend my day in a moderate to severe state of stress about what is going to happen next.

Anyway. In our house we have a small bedroom, small landing and a tight bathroom. When it comes to getting ready, I allow my husband his space upstairs to get himself ready while I stay downstairs. HOWEVER WHEN IT IS MY TURN TO GET READY, BRUSH MY TEETH, HAVE A PEACEFUL SHIT BECAUSE ANOTHER RESPONSIBLE ADULT IS IN THE VICINITY AND IS NOT MID-PUSH, I am constantly interrupted by him, the grown up. I am in the bathroom and he comes in, bashing me with the door, I’m trying to do my hair and he comes in to brush his teeth (which he forgot to do in the blissful uninterrupted 20 minutes of him-time which I can only presume he spent twiddling his knob or having the leisureliest of shits instead of brushing his teeth), I am trying to see how something looks in the mirror and he stands behind me waiting to squeeze past, trying things on with a silent audience standing awkwardly over your shoulder is most infuriating. I am putting my earrings in and he is shuffling behind me to get his bastarding socks. I am on the toilet with the door shut and he comes in to ask where something is ad nauseam.

Is it terribly unreasonable of me to expect a bit of bloody privacy and SPACE from the other adult in the house who is at no risk of twatting himself off the sofa while I dash upstairs, or putting his face in the grumpy cats belly while I am hanging the washing out or wanting me to witness him counting glacially slowly from one to one hundred?

I have taken to loudly shouting HIYA when he appears initially, and then as I hear him coming up the stairs to stand directly where I am standing I commentate “OH HERE HE IS AGAIN, IM STANDING RIGHT HERE IF YOU WANT TO SHUFFLE PAST ME OR BLOCK THE MIRROR?” And every single time his reaction is a sorry not sorry what’s the big deal face.

So, do I just accept this is my life- to have zero privacy at any time or during any bodily function (he has come in to talk to me mid tampon change for the love of god) or should I just twat him with the door now as a last resort when I hear him coming? Hide and shout boo to frighten him? Actually hide in a cupboard and see how long it takes for him to decide he wants to sit in that cupboard at exactly the same time?

Enforce. Boundaries.

Your OP is very funny but actually this is awful behaviour from him. I agree with a pp that what he's really trying to do is make sure you aren't gone too long. That and the fact that you repeatedly explain the problem to him but then he repeatedly 'forgets' are both really passive aggressive behaviours. Also, crap like coming to ask you where something is is a clear sign that you are carrying way too much of the mental load in the household. If he doesn't know where something is, it's time he familiarised himself with the layout of his own home. I think the kids are getting more than their pound of flesh too. How old are they?

just yell really savagely FOR FUCKS SAKES IM TAKING A SHIT GET OUT!!!!! I DONT WANT A FUCKEN AUDIENCE!!!!!!! he will get your subtle hint that you would like to use the toilet alone im sure

Get a bolt lock and put it up so the kids can't get to it?

Also I think you need to just talk to him. He probably doesn't realise how stressful it is for you to never have a second of peace. (He should realise, of course, but he won't until you tell him)

Oh sorry, just seen your update where you say you've already told him. He's being a total knobhead.

I agree with PPs that he's making sure you aren't gone too long so he never has to be alone with the kids.

He is being very unreasonable - he just doesn't get it because he isn't in the same position during the day and, as others have said, he doesn't want you to be away too long
Get lock/wedge for bedroom and bathroom doors today and reiterate how it's making you feel.

I think it’s done in purpose by him to get you back to your job dealing with kids.
Easy solutions though...a) lock/latch high up on door, b) new house rule that if bathroom door is shut you respect the privacy of the person in there.
Communicate with him that you see it as disrespectful, if it continues you know where you stand.

Lock the damn door and refuse all attempts at contact whilst behind said door.

Just who are the 4% who think YABU????

YANBU but in our house it’s the kitchen. No matter where he sits or stands for a natter he is in the way. I start dishing up tea and he is ‘helpfully’ getting the breakfast stuff out or packing the dishwasher right in my path.

Good fences create good neighbours.

Good bathroom locks create good families

You need to do bathroom training. Door locked & only thing I would say is I am in the toilet. No engagement with any of them. They soon learned & left me alone!!

Bolt at the top of the door. Radio put on super loud when you’re in there. He would drive me crackers.

Get a bolt.

Shout every single time. Until it goes in.

But mostly, a bolt.

Ah OP your post made me laugh and sounds exactly like my house. We have the smallest bathroom in the world and sometimes I have dp and both the kids in with me while having a bath!

I feel your pain

Either wait until calm and express how important this is or just go batshit and make him realise he's driving you around the twist 😉

From the outside looking in, DH probably isn't the real problem. You need to carve out some regular alone time into your routine. I used to love getting stuck in motorway traffic and singing.

Good luck

Agree with the lock on bathroom door,AND the bedroom door too.
Some men use wives as substitute mothers.
Can you do this for ME,can you do that for ME.
They do grow up eventually.

*only problem. Not real.

Lock the door ffs. I wouldn't stand for this at all.

I can't believe people's partners go in the bathroom when they're using the toilet. How did those people even conceive children together?

@Fairenuff: pale grey

Your husband has no respect for you and he's teaching your children to have none for you.

Fit a lock on the bathroom door and use it every time. I can't understand why you wouldn't have a lock on the door, and not just for your own dignity. Do your guests enjoy peeing with the risk of a child (intentionally) or another adult (unintentionally) walking in on them?

Enforce boundaries in your home, starting with your husband. You're being walked over.

You could have had half an hour to yourself in the time it took to write that post.

Buy a bolt and put it too high for kids to reach. I did in the end.

You don't even need a bolt - get one of those rubber door wedges and put it under the door when you're inside. They're not getting in then! And why have you let this continue?! The toilet was the only place I could escape to when mine were young to get a bit of time on my own!

Grumpelstilskin

I'm happy to provide an alibi. And an old carpet, tarpaulin, rope, industrial cleaner and shovels.

You've done this before haven't you?