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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think grown adults don’t need to be in touch with each other multiple times during the day?

262 replies

PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 21:28

It seems to be fairly common on MN for people to be texting or calling their DP multiple times in the course of a day.

Early stages of a relationship and you’re in lurve..... I get it.

You’re doing something out of your normal routine and want to let DP know, or you’re going to the shops and text to ask if they need anything, fair enough.

DC had an accident or your workplace is on fire, absolutely.

But on a bog standard ordinary day when you’re both doing whatever you normally do and you’re both going to be home around the time you usually are..... why would you?

OP posts:
k1233 · 14/08/2019 14:15

Used to joke at one place I worked we needed to get the manager a board with "your wife called" and a dozen or more clocks to note each call...

It is really interruptive to have someone call multiple times when you're at work, particularly about personal things. I sit next to my manager and hear his wife call multiple times a day - he needs to turn down the volume of his phone as I can hear every word she says.

areyoubeingserviced · 14/08/2019 14:53

Dh speak or text several times a day
We enjoy speaking to each other even after many years together.
I think that we are very fortunate to still find each other interesting. I really couldn’t give a hoot about what others think

onemouseplace · 14/08/2019 14:56

We probably email/Whats App each other 2 or 3 times over the course of a day, more if we are actually having a conversation about something. I'll call if I need an answer straight away, but that's pretty unusual.

My friend seems to message her DH constantly though - I'll be out for a coffee with her and it'll be constant even though they both work from home and she'll see him in 30 minutes. Bizarre.

thisnamechanger · 14/08/2019 14:57

Me and DP message as often as we possibly can. Just banal nonsense. Always have. 3 1/2 years in. Everyone's different.

TapasForTwo · 14/08/2019 15:03

When DH and I met in 1978 we had a long distance relationship. He had no phone and would ring me once a week from a payphone. I imagine that young people these days would be horrified at the idea and wonder how we coped.

I guess that being used to the lack of communication at the beginning of our relationship means that I just don't feel the need to be in constant contact. He doe text me at work if it is something that can't wait. But we are both too busy when we are working to constanty message each other. And, as I said before, we see each other a lot more than most husbands and wives.

AryaStarkWolf · 14/08/2019 15:04

We’ve been together 6 years and we text because we’re friends and I like his banter. What’s your issue? It’s not like I’m texting your boyfriend

Very well put, I agree

ChihuahuaMummy1 · 14/08/2019 15:11

We've been together 6.5 years,married for 3 and we still speak twice a day at least during the day because we want to and we can.

Pukkatea · 14/08/2019 15:21

So far today my DP and I have whatsapped about a cute dog I saw, a newspaper article he read and the dinner we're going out for tonight. I like chatting to him as well as some of my other friends who I message during the day for random conversations. I'm on my company's executive management team and I assure you I get plenty of work done.

Whatever works for you. I don't understand why someone would need to call their Mum everyday, but they do. Do whatever you want.

AnnaSteen · 14/08/2019 15:38

We don’t call but we do text. One in morning to see if we’ve both gotten in to work ok and to say have a nice day. One at lunch to ask if there’s any news and how was your lunch break then usually one around 5 to confirm the train we’re getting home! I really like exchanging and getting those texts Smile I wouldn’t like getting calls as it’s disruptive but texting only takes a second!

HappyParent2000 · 14/08/2019 15:40

We do, if we need to know where each other is we have “find friends” turned on for our iPhones.

It’s a great feature as they can see if I am stuck in traffic or at work etc.

Also I can know when they start heading home so can get dinner on, a simple automated alert rather than a text etc.

highheelsandbobblehats · 14/08/2019 15:51

Couples who do this - are both of you extroverts?

Both introverts.

We do it. We used to chat a couple of times a day many years ago when we were in different jobs and had break times and places to go to not disturb anyone else. Now we WhatsApp through the day when work allows. Just seeing how the other is and how their day is going, general chatty stuff really. If one of us doesn't reply, we know the other is busy and will get to it whenever.

We've been together 19 years, married for 10. I'm quite fond of him and I like talking to him.

summersherewishiwasnt · 14/08/2019 15:52

It is irritating when someone is working and their colleagues are gassing in the phone.
Otherwise maybe they like to talk to each other.

highheelsandbobblehats · 14/08/2019 15:56

He's at my MILs with the DC at the moment for a couple of nights. I've stayed home unexpectedly as I've got tonsillitis 😔 and so far today we've WhatsApped about lay ins, me putting Mount Laundry away (I'm now resting because it tired me out, but at least the bedroom is tidy), how DS1 is being a pain, and he's just sent me a picture of a giant Lego giraffe because they've gone to a Discovery Centre.

SmartCapybara · 14/08/2019 15:59

Married 30 years. Text and email every morning and afternoon. Always have

CurbsideProphet · 14/08/2019 16:09

We send each other funny articles etc by WhatsApp during the day. We like chatting about random stuff when we're making cups of tea etc. Who cares Confused

ferretface · 14/08/2019 16:16

My DH and I send each other loads of whatsapp messages most days. Not the sort of messages you send early in a relationship, but just talking about our respective days, checking things, asking questions, showing the other person something interesting/funny/useful, agreeing and planning stuff, arranging stuff etc. The occasional loving message too! Obviously not when we're busy. But I don't think it's unusual to have an ongoing conversation with your partner, they are your closest companion after all...

Fuma · 14/08/2019 19:19

This is why I find dating so difficult. I can't stand having someone constantly demanding my attention when I'm doing something else, and guys now really do get fucked off if you don't text them all the time.

speakout · 14/08/2019 19:25

and guys now really do get fucked off if you don't text them all the time.

Really? Not in my world.

BarbedBloom · 14/08/2019 19:29

We do because we want to. We tend to send each other a message at break and maybe on the way home. We like each other's company. If other people want to talk less than that's fine. My grancha used to call my nan every day for his whole lunch break. They were married for almost 70 years but never got tired of talking to each other

Fuma · 14/08/2019 19:48

I need to meet the guys you're meeting, speakout! Seriously, it causes massive problems for me - they get huffy, I get anxious, I start to dread looking at my phone. My friends know what I'm like and don't expect quick replies but people I'm dating who of course don't know me well think I'm pissing them around and I'm not, deliberately - I just can't be doing with neverending constant contact.

LymeyPie · 14/08/2019 19:59

Honestly? These couples (mostly) sound completely up themselves and in their own up-themselves, dull, self-congratulatory bubble! Still if it makes ‘em happy Zzzzzz.....

Sparklingbrook · 14/08/2019 20:01

I am so glad I was dating in the 80s, it was very civilised and none of this neediness and constantly being available.

DS1 is 20 we were talking about it and he said it sounded liberating.

tequilasunrises · 14/08/2019 20:03

YABU!

I get memes throughout the week from my DH and I love him for it Grin

tequilasunrises · 14/08/2019 20:05

Also my best friends too. We’ve had a group chat going since we were at uni and we don’t use greetings like ‘hello’ any more it’s just a never ending stream of anecdotes, articles and more memes..

LymeyPie · 14/08/2019 20:06

Cricket sparkling shows how times have changed! Everyone seems a co dependent self satisfied rehires to me now!!