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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think grown adults don’t need to be in touch with each other multiple times during the day?

262 replies

PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 21:28

It seems to be fairly common on MN for people to be texting or calling their DP multiple times in the course of a day.

Early stages of a relationship and you’re in lurve..... I get it.

You’re doing something out of your normal routine and want to let DP know, or you’re going to the shops and text to ask if they need anything, fair enough.

DC had an accident or your workplace is on fire, absolutely.

But on a bog standard ordinary day when you’re both doing whatever you normally do and you’re both going to be home around the time you usually are..... why would you?

OP posts:
NoSauce · 13/08/2019 23:14

The difference is you started a thread about it to which I commented on.

ispepsiokay · 13/08/2019 23:14

He's my husband, I like to hear from him, what's the problem?

StormcloakNord · 13/08/2019 23:16

We text all day.
We've got into a habit of asking if the other had died if we haven't text in an hour or so.

I like it. We tell each other everything we are doing at work/as the day goes on cause when we get home we either have stuff to watch, games to play or classes to go to so we dont chat much about our day as we've been texting all day!

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:18

@SarahAndQuack that’s the thing though isn’t it. It’s in your face if someone is ignoring you. I don’t think people who text hubbywubby a lot in public or in company are aware of how annoying or rude it is. Or perhaps you are just one of those people who don’t care.

Chocolate35 · 13/08/2019 23:18

I call my husband loads. We don’t see each other in the morning so we usually have a Good morning chat on my commute to work and then on my lunch break and journey home. It’s anything from how our day is going to who’s picking up the kids. When we get home we have a cuddle and then sort out the kids and home, we barely get a couple of hours together most nights before bed. I love our daily calls, they put a smile on my face and make me look forward to eventually seeing him. We’ve been together nearly 20 years.
But, we have an unwritten rule that we don’t do this when with others. We both find it really rude to be texting or calling when with company. I wonder whether this is an age thing though (we’re in our forties).

riotlady · 13/08/2019 23:20

I like chatting with my partner, so sue me.

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2019 23:20

You know, I have never noticed if someone is 'ignoring me' at work.

Because I'm at work. You know, concentrating on what I'm doing, not on social trivia?

How do you manage to find the time to care about this stuff? And to care about multiple people doing this stuff?

Btw, do you actually refer to your husband as 'hubbywubby'?

JayDot500 · 13/08/2019 23:21

Sorry, why has the conversation now refocused on texting during work hours?

Are we all glued to our phones now, because we message our partners a few times a day?

All this talk of wasting time and workplace efficiency! Screw that... Examples of times I may sent a message to DH;

  • weekly/routine meetings that you get invited to but rarely have to contribute anything, yet colleagues insist on you dialling in (they are essentially wasting MY time! If I'm on a computer I can catch up with emails, but if not then there's no reason I can't do whatever I want while I'm listening to Emma in Marketing talking passionately about things I have nothing to do with)
  • my team actually has a WhatsApp group, since we are community based and work remotely. I am also in charge of volunteers and essentially have to be on WhatsApp out of hours for them, but you don't see me clocking those many many minutes! Heck I'm on leave today and had a lengthy phonecall with one lady
  • travel between offices/sites (everyday!)
  • yes, lunch breaks, but I usually take them while I travel anyway
  • waiting around for someone else to get something to you before you can progress (my husbands job)
  • etc
StormcloakNord · 13/08/2019 23:21

Agree with PP. @longlongsummer you need a hobby or something, you've way too much energy to get annoyed at people texting their "hubbywubby".

To be fair you sound a bit envious.

thebakerwithboobs · 13/08/2019 23:22

edwinbear I own the company. I shall refer myself to HR forthwith!

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2019 23:23

I admit: part of my job is teaching teenagers. I do recognise that they would notice if someone was 'ignoring me!' at work. They would probably also refer to their partners using inappropriately familiar terminology.

@Longlongsummer, if you're 19 or under, I let you off the hook.

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:23

@StormcloakNord and you sound like you are really bitchy.

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:25

@SarahAndQuack yes it’s like being back at school! You can attack me like a teenager but it only serves to show me that perhaps the OP is right. People who text hubby a lot and get so defensive they attack anyone who challenges them, pretty nastily, that you are quite immature.

Thank goodness I’m not.

OccidentalPurist · 13/08/2019 23:25

Sometimes we do sometimes we don't - it depends.

Sometimes a query will lead to silly banter or my DH will send me a song he's heard on Spotify that he likes or I will send a funny video I've seen on YouTube etc.

My DH is the only person I can be that random, silly and spontaneous with!

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2019 23:27

Grin 'really bitchy'?!

@StormcloakNord, I think we rumbled the teenager.

StormcloakNord · 13/08/2019 23:28

Maybe I am bitchy, might go text my hubbywubby about it...

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 23:29

Well this escalated quickly...

StormcloakNord · 13/08/2019 23:29

@SarahandQuack rumbled is one word for it... Grin

flyingspaghettimonster · 13/08/2019 23:33

We've been together 20 years. Some days we don't message at all, some days only once or twice... other days we will send a bunch of memes back and forth or interesting sruff, or he will just call because he is bored at lunch. I always like it when he sends a text or calls because it means he thought of me, even after 20 years. It is harmless.

InsertFunnyUsername · 13/08/2019 23:36

I just don't really text tbh. We do have a phone call every day on his way home, which makes no sense really because I will see him in an hour but hey ho.

Obviously if we have a question to ask each other, double checking plans etc then we will, but I couldn't imagine texting him "having a nice cup of tea" or whatever boring bollox we are up to.

Original poster
PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 23:38

If something funny happens or I find something out that I want to tell DH, I make a mental note. Then I tell him when I next see him.

OP posts:
Vgbeat · 13/08/2019 23:43

My main communication is please get milk,bread on your way home 😂

30to50FeralHogs · 13/08/2019 23:44

Early stages of a relationship and you’re in lurve..... I get it.

I’m 7 years in with DP and still “in lurve” so I still like to hear from him. When his name flashes up on my phone saying he’s thinking of me, my stomach does a little flip and it makes me smile.

It reminds me that I’m loved and important to him, and as I work at home on my own, it makes me feel connected to the outside world for a moment, as it can be very insular otherwise.

I will send him photos, links to things to do with his work or songs that I think he might like that he can listen to on his way home. I also send him saucy messages reminding him of things we did last night or what we might do later... Which he very much appreciates and liven up his day.

For both of us, a quick text is like a thread that keeps us connected when we’re apart. Yes we can function perfectly well without it, but it takes a moment to put a smile on his face, so the question is, why wouldn’t you want to to do that for someone you love?!

Yabbers · 13/08/2019 23:50

DH will text or phone around 10am to see how the morning went.

He doesn’t need to but likes to. What’s so wrong with that?

I was away for three days recently and he went almost two days without texting. That’s not a problem either.

ysmaem · 13/08/2019 23:52

I talk to DH quite a bit throughout the day

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