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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think grown adults don’t need to be in touch with each other multiple times during the day?

262 replies

PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 21:28

It seems to be fairly common on MN for people to be texting or calling their DP multiple times in the course of a day.

Early stages of a relationship and you’re in lurve..... I get it.

You’re doing something out of your normal routine and want to let DP know, or you’re going to the shops and text to ask if they need anything, fair enough.

DC had an accident or your workplace is on fire, absolutely.

But on a bog standard ordinary day when you’re both doing whatever you normally do and you’re both going to be home around the time you usually are..... why would you?

OP posts:
Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 22:48

The thing is, if it was all just lovely and fine and innocuous, no one would else would even be aware of couples texting or chatting all the time.

And this doesn’t mean all of you. But for many of you, it IS very annoying!

  • At work and you are trying to ask about something and they have half an eye on their hubby texting. Yes it is unprofessional and juvenile.
  • on the bus ‘I’m just on my way home blah blah’ - oh god just 5 minutes of peace please after a stressful day rather than someone’s relationship inane chatter.
  • with a friend for the day and lots of ‘buzz buzz’ as they only have half an ear for you as they ‘report’ to darling BFF husband or wife - and conversation just gets worn down.

For those of you who never annoy others. Totally fine I have no problem!

For those that do. Please grow up!

PooWillyBumBum · 13/08/2019 22:48

We exchange a few texts over the day...not many, but some. Any news, funny things colleagues say. And sometimes we have a phone call at lunch. There is no one I’d rather talk to.

Original poster
PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 22:55

To those asking why do I care/what difference does it make to me what other people do etc - honestly, it’s just curiosity. I don’t understand why people do it.

I wondered if it was an age thing. I mean, this just wasn’t available when I was younger, I didn’t have my first mobile till I was 33 (15 minutes a month, had to pay extra to send texts). Maybe you don’t miss what you’ve never had.

Couples who do this - are both of you extroverts?

This, yes. DH and I are both introverts. Maybe that’s part of it.

But also - although DH has an iPhone, he a) is not allowed to have it on in work (has to be in a locker) and b) doesn’t believe in being constantly available, so leaves it on airplane mode unless he wants to make a call or we have agreed we’re going to be in touch for some reason. So this constant DP contact is not available to me anyway. Curious to know what I’m missing.

OP posts:
DeadButDelicious · 13/08/2019 22:55

@Boots20 It'll be 15 years precisely at the end of the month for us. Smile

Queenunikitty · 13/08/2019 22:56

@Fraggling I know right, some people have just got to work hard to pay for the other half to live I guess. I work FT also so maybe we text as we rarely see each other during the week. Grin

ChicCroissant · 13/08/2019 22:56

It's the time taken away from work that makes colleagues complain - if they are mad busy and someone else is sitting tapping away or chatting that is when the complaints start.

People can get very defensive (and irate) when it is pointed out to them how much time they spend doing stuff other than work when they are at work. If you are on your own time, fine.

NoSauce · 13/08/2019 22:57

I can’t be arsed to worry about other people texting their husband/wife all day. It makes no difference to me.

I don’t understand why anyone would even think about this let alone start a thread on the internet!

vdbfamily · 13/08/2019 22:58

for those who say each to their own, that is fine if you are self employed and wading your own time but imo to be constantly texting during working hours is not on in most jobs and that time is actually like stealing from your employer's. If I found one of my staff texting during work hours unless in lunch break or an emergency they would be in trouble.

JayDot500 · 13/08/2019 23:01

Actually, my husband is an introvert and he texts me more than I text him nowadays. He's always preferred text over phonecalls, and tbh I'm not a massive fan of phonecalls anyway. Texts are our way of keeping in touch.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 13/08/2019 23:01

We never talk on the phone, but texts, yes. Sometimes it’s “will you pick up milk?”/“I’m staying late” type stuff, other times it’s inane nonsense, stuff from Twitter, general chit-chat. My phone’s always on silent though.

saraclara · 13/08/2019 23:01

When I worked I was too busy and I liked my life compartmentalised. So work stuff stayed at work, and family stuff stayed at home. I just found it healthier from a stress perspective.

And yes. Text all you like, but not when colleagues need your attention or someone is trying to have a sociable conversation with you. It's rude and makes the person who's actually physically present feel entirely unimportant and ignored.

PooWillyBumBum · 13/08/2019 23:01

We are not extroverts and it doesn’t affect my work. I wouldn’t text in a meeting or let it interfere with what I’m trying to achieve but equally I have the kind of job where no one is interested in whether I text or not as long as I get things done,

DH has a v stressful job and he finds it helpful to ring me and decompress when he’s just bombed in a pitch or had to give a CEO bad news. Equally if there’s a big win we will speak on the phone.

We have friends at work but honestly I will enjoy retirement when it’s just the two of us most of the time. He makes me laugh and I could natter with him endlessly.

YourSarcasmIsDripping · 13/08/2019 23:01

Curious to know what I’m missing.

Probably nothing since it's not something you're used to or have an interest in. I doubt you'd get the same "pleasure" from it. It's not wrong or a sign there's something lacking in your relationship. Just like people that do aren't wrong either. It's just different.

As an aside, I am an introvert. The texting helps because at the end of the day I'm peopled out and touched out after working with kids and then at home with DD. Once she's in bed all I want is silence and lie down in bed with a book or MN to recharge for the next day. OH gets it, but if we didn't text/exchange our little jokes and info we'd barely talk to each other.

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:02

It can also just be really rude. Every time I see my brother within half an hour his wife texts or sends a funny photo.

Just an hour with my brother would be nice?!

MirandaWest · 13/08/2019 23:05

Dh and I are in our 40s, have been together for 7 years and text each other throughout our working days. We’re happy with it and we like doing it, so we do Smile

whyohwhyflowerdear · 13/08/2019 23:06

To think a grown up actually made a thread about this 😳🤭😆

MirandaWest · 13/08/2019 23:06

I wouldn’t if he were out with someone unless it were something vital, in which case I’d phone

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2019 23:06

@Longlongsummer, do you never think the problem might be closer to home?

When I'm at work, I am working, not paying attention to other people's phones buzzing or thinking about what they're doing. I'm certainly not nosy enough to know what everyone else on the bus is doing when I come home from work. If you have that much spare energy, perhaps you need a good book to read or a hobby?

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:07

I also do think there’s a brain draining inaneness about have constant chatter... I’m just getting milk... on my way darling... oh look at this cat video...
When it’s constant. It’s cosy I get that. But conversation is opening up to the world isn’t it? Getting to laugh or be challenged, real life banter or even thinking more than one banal thought describing your life to more than one person?

AlexaAmbidextra · 13/08/2019 23:08

Two questions. What did all these people do before mobile phones and e-mail? What jobs do they all do that they are able to constantly text/e-mail back and forth with their DPs?

Longlongsummer · 13/08/2019 23:09

@SarahAndQuack yes I spend most of my life getting worked up about this subject. Grin I text my feelings about it do DH all the time just for a release. Otherwise I might just explode.

Original poster
PuzzledObserver · 13/08/2019 23:10

@NoSauce. I don’t understand why anyone would even think about this let alone start a thread on the internet!

Well there you go. You don’t understand why anyone would even think about this. I don’t understand why people do it. What’s the difference?

OP posts:
moodybum · 13/08/2019 23:10

My hubby is my best friend, we message at convenient times and reply if we can. If there is something I think is funny, interesting or relevant I will tag him or send to him via dm or Facebook. Frankly I don't care if it annoys others, why should it? He doesn't object to colleagues using breaks to smoke which is something he doesn't do, so why should they care if he's messaging his wife just because they don't feel the need to message theirs? Been together 7 years

SarahAndQuack · 13/08/2019 23:12

@Longlongsummer, well, you do seem rather exercised about it! It must take an enormous amount of time to be so nosy about so many people - far more time, I imagine, that it'd take for any one of those individuals to text their partners ...

Treem · 13/08/2019 23:13

Why is being in touch a lot childish?

DP and I send the odd photo, especially if one of us is with the kids, or we are doing something unusual or amusing. We also send a quick 'I love you' especially if it was a rushed morning.