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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 19:56

Why don't you date a grown man?

He is 19, he is an adult and she can date who she likes!

Banangana · 13/08/2019 19:57

They can be as concerned as they like... but it’s nothing to do with them!

Well he's living with them and is not planning on moving out any time soon so I think it does have a bit to with them...

Myfoolishboatisleaning · 13/08/2019 19:57

I don’t understand 30 year olds dating teenagers. It is not the age gap that is troubling, but the fact that a few short months ago he was probably still at school. What can he offer a grown up?

ShhhBeQuiet · 13/08/2019 19:57

I think it’s a bit weird and I would if the sexes were reversed. I’m not in the OMG, that’s disgusting camp though.

I do an activity that means I hang out with a lot of lovely guys who are a lot younger than me. I really enjoy their company but I couldn’t ever see them as potential dates. 19 can be great company but they are still lads. I’d be horrified if one of my kids dated a thirty year old with two kids. I’d be worried they were making their lives way too complicated. I can’t imagine there are many 19 year olds who want a ready made family including kids that are only 13 years younger than they are.

purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 19:58

😂😂😂😂 19 isn't a grown man though

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 20:00

Well he's living with them and is not planning on moving out any time soon so I think it does have a bit to with them

Still not up to them who he dates! How are they going to stop him exactly?

Ginger1982 · 13/08/2019 20:01

Ew. No.

velocitygirl7 · 13/08/2019 20:01

@Quepaso really? Wow. Bet you're fun at parties. Must be tricky getting that open mind through the door though Grin

I'm 12 years older than dh. We've been together for over 10 years now and he's raised and provided for my dc in a way that their hopeless man child Dad never has. Interestingly, he's older than me.

Dh was barely out of his teens when we met and I was 33. Funnily enough all of my 'friends' who made shitty, unsupportive comments, are the ones who 10 years on, are either separated from their conventionally age appropriate partner or stuck in utterly miserable relationships.
My point is op, people with unkind opinions are often masking sadness of their own.

Good luck with your new relationship and I'll echo what others have said, keep your dc very separate for as long as possible!

Aprillygirl · 13/08/2019 20:01

I don’t know why so many people are wondering what his parents think! It’s nothing to do with them.

Yeah come back to me when it's your fresh out of college kid shacking up with a mum of 2 Hmm

herculepoirot2 · 13/08/2019 20:04

19 year old boys? Not for me, thanks.

bobstersmum · 13/08/2019 20:04

On date night do you stay in and play fortnite and eat pot noodle?

gamesanddaisychains · 13/08/2019 20:06

Do you know what? If this is a nice uncomplicated relationship, with lots of fun, and you have similar interests (music, films etc) it's no big deal. I say, have a great time, feel flattered - both of you, he probably can't believe his luck in attracting a more mature lady. It may work out, it does for some (Barbara Windsor with a much younger man), but if it doesn't, accept it and let him go gracefully. There is no need for your children to be involved.

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 20:07

You had a few months with him. Which is different to what you said. Not judging, just saying it's not what you said before

No you are right I know I'm trying to keep everything as honest as possible, it's not that it slipped my mind we saw each other a total of 3 times and I just view it as a completely different situation.
I've been on about 10 dates with men my own age, usually coffee or dinner I don't know, I just never feel the urge to see them again.

OP posts:
purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 20:08

I don't understand what a 19 year old can offer someone my age

@bobstersmum 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

velocitygirl7 · 13/08/2019 20:10

@bobstersmum ooo so funny. Honestly when dh & I got together I got sick of 'friends' saying stuff like that.
My friends dh is in his 50s and hideously addicted to fifa. He overeats and does bugger all with his family.
My dh is almost half his age, not a bit interested in gaming and still fit enough to play football for hours with ds. He's also never eaten a pot noddle.

Original poster
Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 20:10

On date night do you stay in and play fortnite and eat pot noodle?
😂😂😂
We had friends over one night and played cards games and ordered pizza, I suppose that's kind of similar 😂

OP posts:
Banangana · 13/08/2019 20:11

Still not up to them who he dates! How are they going to stop him exactly?

Well, if they're reasonable and sensible they probably won't want to push their kid away by stopping him. But if they felt strongly enough and were so inclined, they'd have a huge bargaining chip that they wouldn't have if the OP had chosen an actual adult who is willing and able to support themself and not a teenager who still lives with mum and dad.

purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 20:12

@velocitygirl7 but we're talking about the average teenage kid .

And it is pot noodles and fortnite.....

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 20:15

My DH and I order pizza and play video games! It’s an awesome life! Grin

ZenNudist · 13/08/2019 20:16

If I had a male friend who I knew was dating a 19yo Id think he was a creep and immature.

Ew.

SomewhereInbetween1 · 13/08/2019 20:16

The rule is half your age plus 7 years!

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2019 20:17

I’m afraid I find it disgusting. He’s barely an adult. I know it’s up to you and he’s technically an adult but I cannot begin to imagine the effect on your children. Aren’t people who know laughing at you?
It feels sleazy.

purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 20:17

@Skittlenommer
how are his parents going to stop him ?

I suppose they could always ground him and take away his pocket money

MamitaSi · 13/08/2019 20:20

Enjoy it. I am a few years younger, also 2DC. I gave up on 'marriage'. I couldn't have kids with someone else or bare the fact they would love my kids differently, or not love them.

Once my kids are a bit older, I would like to have an enthusiastic, fit and smooth man in my bed, who has the energy to pleasure me for a long time. I will them do what they need to do during the day. Anyway I am too busy to even care.

Thats thinking smart. Its win/win.

Good for you,

And no I would not introduce my kids at all. You know is got an expire date, it's not a good example for them.

Take care

Flerkin · 13/08/2019 20:21

Maybe in this case they might force him to pay rent Grin

Honestly op, you asked for opinions.

Mine is its not great. I have seen this kotnwork out so many times.

And for everyone women who can tell you their relationship has lasted and a man in his early 20s took their kids on happily. There are hundreds where that's not happened.

Usually with the older woman getting hurt

If you were man I wouldn't be comfortable with it either.

I really dont like the 'oh so many good memories of the very young man I snagged for bit'

If men were saying that about women in their late teens people would be calling them all sorts.

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