I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

[Luciferthethird]

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

I think it's the ages, it's not the age gap.

I met my husband when he was 24 and I was 34.
He was very ready to settle down, ran his own businesses etc.

19 is very young. I appreciate everyone is different but personally I couldn't find a 19yr old lad attractive.

Good on you, have fun! No problem at all, he is an adult, so are you I hope you are happy together!

I was 17 dating a 26 year old then marring her.
It didn’t last. But hopefully it works out for you

It’s not inappropriate or “ewww” as others have said but the chances of there being a future serious relationship is slim.

Honestly, if you enjoy each other’s company, the sex is good who cares about the age gap? It’s legal, it’s consensual, have fun.

I will admit to freaking out if either of mine got into a serious relationship at this guys age with someone much older who had kids/was at a totally different stage in their lives but 3 weeks in? Nah.

It seems a bit to big of an age gap. I remember at the 6th form college a woman who wearing a bank uniform, who was in her early 20's would turn up outside the sixth form college waiting for her sixth form boyfriend to end the day. Everyone would comment on it but if you think about it, it's actually not a massive gap in age, it's more that they are not really a 'grown up'. My DH is 3.5 years younger than me and 23 when I met him, I got teased by my brother for that gap at first as they didn't understand who was closer to 27 could find him anything but immature. The fact is though he approached me thinking I was younger than I was and I thought he was at least 25. Bit different though.

Equally my DH had a fling with a woman who worked in the City when he was 19 and she was 30 something but it was just that and I assume they both agreed.

The biggest age gap relationship I had was 19 years. I was 25 he was 44. The gap didn't bother me and no one said anything to us directly. We were in different places in our lives so we knew it would never work out. We enjoyed each other's company but he was divorced with 2 young children (4 and 2 but I never met them) and told me from the beginning that he never wanted to remarry or have more children. Completely the opposite to me. We remained friends though because he was a lovely guy. I think if we had been in a different places in our lives it might have worked out. I don't think an 11 year gap is a lot and if you have things in common and enjoy each other's company there's nothing wrong with it. Go for it and enjoy your new relationship.

I’d say enjoy and have fun. However if my son was dating a 30 at 19 I’d feel my hackles go up as a mother.

Same with older men and younger women.

Having said that I did date a 21 year old when I was 35... lasted 2 weeks... and even I felt really uneasy but he pursued me and I had a lot of fun!

How many dates have you been on in the 3 weeks?

I’m 29 and the thought of dating a teenager makes my skin crawl.

My ex is 34 and dating a 19 year old. I judge him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Seems as if he is looking for a substitute mother, or thinks that as a 'yummy mummy' you'll be more loyal than someone his age. Or if he is French, has political ambitions.

I'm sure most people would be equally doubtful about a 30 year old man and a 19 year old woman, if not more so.

Don't do that. Don't be 30 and date a teenager whether you are a man or a woman and whether they are a girl or a boy.

When I was 18 I dated a 28yo. At the time I thought it was fine. Looking back from an adult perspective, I was barely more than a child and very naive. I now regard the relationship as grooming and abuse because it was quite clearly an adult taking advantage of a child and pushing their own agenda onto an immature teen. It’s caused lifelong negative effects and lasting trauma for me. Sorry but your situation sounds entirely inappropriate, I hope this is a wind-up.

I hear you ForalltheSaints. Your second paragraph made me think of Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer.

Op, have fun by all means as long as both of you know that is what it is but please don't have serious, long term ideas about the relationship, it's not on. He is legally a man but plenty of nineteen year olds are just boys.

@Luciferthethird

OP are there issues between him & his Mum? Sounds like he's after a mother replacement. Much like some women who date much much older men. They often admit to having Father-issues

Predatory.

Its a bit weird imo. I know 19 year olds can be pretty etc, but what do you even have in common?
Legal though, so if it makes you both smile, and you dont get bloody pregnant, might be ok for a fling

Some really unpleasant comments here.

Are you happy OP? Is he happy?

If the answer is yes then crack on :)

It is weird! I have a 19 year old male cousin . If he told me he was dating a 30 year old woman. I would think it was very weird

My friends son was 19 dating a thirty year old with 2 kids, friend was horrified. Fast forward 15 years and they have 2 kids of their own and she's been the making of him. I said to friend at the time, she's a lovely girl and looks no where near 30.

I would normally say not right.
But then realised my brother started seeing his wife when he was 21 (very immature at that) and she was 32 with 2 children.
They have now been happily married for 30 years and had two more DC

At 19 my son definitely had the physique of a late teen - and him and his mates were definitely of the 'phwooarr' milf state of mind but would take the pee out of each other - the older woman certainly was ridiculed (not that I agree that's right, but that's immature teens for you),

He's 26 and much more grown up now and a world away from the 19 year old boy he was then. At that age they're a ball of raging hormones and it baffles me how someone in their 30's could find that attractive - and the 'fantastic sex' comments also baffle me - I definitely had better sex with same age/older by a couple of years or so men! When I think back to 19 it was nowhere as good!

As a mother I would be horrified if my 19 year old got in a relationship with a 30 year old mother of two - I want better for him and thankfully he's in a long-term relationship with a woman a couple of years younger.

Yes it's legal. IMO that doesn't make it ok.

Sorry OP, but I think it’s ridiculous. I don’t know how you can be bothered or not be embarrassed. Sorry to be blunt, but you did ask.

Some really unpleasant comments here.
Are you happy OP? Is he happy?

Seriously? Lots of things make people “ happy” that are best avoided. She has two children. Step families are complicated at the best of times let alone a 19 with zero experience of the world.

I agree it’s the age rather than the gap.

DH and I have an 11 year gap, Even in middle age, whilst it’s not a problem, there are lots of times when you realise you have very different references, concerns and life experiences because of one decade.

You're both happy,take one day at a time and enjoy it for what it is.nobodies business.
My great grandma was in her late forties and had four dc and married a twenty year old soldier,apparently the gossips had a field day back then😀.