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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

455 replies

Luciferthethird · 13/08/2019 18:01

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

OP posts:
Beaverdam · 13/08/2019 21:04

Its a very large gap between a 19 and 30 year old but only you know your relationship. I cant imagine anything serious coming from a 19 year old though.

Silenttype · 13/08/2019 21:05

@Weymo don't know what you and your sister constitue as dating, but a 35 year old man and 13 year old child, is definitely not that! Is this boyfriend some sort of prison pen pal?!

loubeylou68smellsofreindeerpoo · 13/08/2019 21:05

I know a couple of people who have dated 19yr olds when they were older. One friend I think she was about 30 , 15 years on and a child they are still together. The other was a lady in her 40's with two teenagers left her husband for him 25+ years on they are still going strong. It can work

Ginger1982 · 13/08/2019 21:06

@Weymo your sister's boyfriend is a paedophile.

If the 19 year old was my DS, I'd be hoping and praying that you split up.

Weymo · 13/08/2019 21:07

@CodenameVillanelle no she doesn’t have kids, but the said baby of that 13 year old girl/35 year old man relationship lives with them.

I’ve started threads about it before and they just get reported and removed, I’m not going there again.

angell84 · 13/08/2019 21:07

Way too young for me ughh. I don't see the attraction.
It was like when we all went ugh at caroline flack dating harry styles

purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 21:08

What i find really creepy is how he might have a child's body!
Some late teens still have that 'look'

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 21:08

Can’t believe people are getting touchy over me being married to an almost 30 year old man! This is the most fun I’ve had on a thread for a while! I don’t want it to end!

jesuschristwtf · 13/08/2019 21:09

yikes - so many mean replies on here. Its always the women who get absolutely trashed for dating younger men, an older man dating a younger girl barely gets an eye flutter. My husband is older than me - 12 years. I met him at 21. We are now married, with 2 children. Not one person said we were 'icky'. The only person who said something was his ex-gf who was annoyed i was 5 years younger than her. She later apologised. Do what makes you happy OP - as long as you know what you're getting yourself into.

Weymo · 13/08/2019 21:10

@Silenttype they’ve been together several years. She’s a vindictive narcissist and he’s a bit of a Walter Mitty wally.

She doesn’t have children, so helped him to get custody of the child from her birth mother, whom my sister hates passionately.

They have more troubles going on in their lives to be worried about his past.

I don’t have anything to do with them now.

Flerkin · 13/08/2019 21:11

@jesuschristwtf nope I definitely think a 30 year old man dating a 19 year old woman, creepy.

Especially when that 30 year has so much more life experience and kids.

CherryPavlova · 13/08/2019 21:12

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angell84 · 13/08/2019 21:12

I also think a 30 year old man dating a 19 year old is weird.

Judystilldreamsofhorses · 13/08/2019 21:13

I’m a lecturer and teach 19/20ish year olds. As a sweeping generalisation, the females tend to be much more adult than the males - in my now second year class there is a group of (absolutely lovely) lads that the female students refer to as “the boys” because they are so silly. I think the age gap at that age is huge, whereas in ten years it wouldn’t exist.

jesuschristwtf · 13/08/2019 21:15

@Flerkin Well - when we met, neither had children. And i had been working since i was 14. I was 21 and he was 33 - is that icky? I had life experiences when i meant him - i wasn't some hermit playing on video games at home all the time.

sklflknsflsdf · 13/08/2019 21:16

It's impossible for anyone to know because while MOST 19 year olds are probably far too immature for MOST 30 year olds, there obviously will be exceptions. And we don't know you or him, so 🤷

If he makes you happy, then carry on. Why not? Just so long as you have the self-awareness to end it if it gets to a point where he's no longer making you happy.

neverdrinkingagain66 · 13/08/2019 21:17

@Skittlenommer why are you so desperate to convince everyone on this thread that your marriage is totally, deliciously amaaaazing? Methinks the lady doth protest too much.

FenellaVelour · 13/08/2019 21:17

Fortunately my mother in law isn’t like some of you judgeypants people on here.

I was 29 when I met my husband and he was 18, albeit not your typical 18yo. It took me a while to get my head round it but I’m glad I gave it a go. That was 14 years ago now and still going strong. And I’m not disgusting, controlling, domineering, creepy nor is my relationship a signifier of a character fault 😁

Thuglife · 13/08/2019 21:18

I met ExP when he was 22 and I was 39 Shock. I never intended anything more than a fling but we were together 10yrs and had 4dc together. We separated about 3 years ago but the reasons for us breaking up really weren’t to do with the age difference. Just be realistic about what you’re getting into. As they say “keep your feet on the ground even if your legs are in the air “ Grin.

angell84 · 13/08/2019 21:18

@FenellaVelour it baffles me how you could see a teenager attractive at that age. I look at an 18 year old and I see a child

MQv2 · 13/08/2019 21:18

Creepy AF IMHO

Wouldn't volunteer this opinion unsolicited but the op did ask

I'd take the same position if the sexes were reversed

Flerkin · 13/08/2019 21:19

@jesuschristwtf honestly, yes.

Woodlandwitch · 13/08/2019 21:20

Adamily member met her DH when she was 30 and he was 19 and to be honest, no one thought it was right.

Then again , 7 years later and they are still together.

It just seems a bit creepy

Skittlenommer · 13/08/2019 21:21

@neverdrinkingagain66 @Skittlenommer why are you so desperate to convince everyone on this thread that your marriage is totally, deliciously amaaaazing? Methinks the lady doth protest too much

I think it’s just a natural response to the backlash!

purplelila2 · 13/08/2019 21:24

here's a development guide

This is why it's gross and creepy hes still developing! 🤢

www.thewholechild.org/parent-resources/age-13-18/signs-of-normal-development-stages-ages-13-18/