I'm 30 and dating a 19 year old

[Luciferthethird]

That's it really, I've 2 DC's they've not been introduced yet, still too early for that. We've been dating for about 3 weeks. He's lovely and he keeps telling me the age gap doesn't bother him.
My sister has the exact same age gap between herself and her partner but somehow that seems more acceptable when it's the man that's older. I just need a sounding board really.

I wouldn't have at 30. But now I'm older I have dated men up to 20 years younger. But it's to do with maturity, and life stages. Plus it is weird for me because I have a 16 year old, and do not want to see him dating a 30 year old woman in 3 years. He is very much a lad.

rosiejaune

*My partner (male) is 11 years older than me (female), but we didn't meet till we were 24 & 35, and didn't get together till we were 28 & 39. We're still together after 7 years.

I think it would have been creepy if we'd been involved at 19 & 30, as he wasn't mature then, and I was vulnerable. If the older party is mature and not abusing the potential power imbalance (though it would be bigger if the sexes were reversed), I don't see the issue*

I would be really more concerned about a man not being mature at the age if 30 - I find that more creepy.

No it's to young sorry...let him have a life he will only resent you in 15 years time. I got with my partner when he was 21 I was pushing 30 with 3 kids and I feel guilty like I've robbed him of days he should have been out having experiences and fun the stuff that I'd already done. Also it's been 3 weeks so don't get too happy.

@Trohmaniac

I can't get over how many dates you've had in just 3 weeks and the fact that you've had friends over. Over where? At yours, I'm assuming - unless you all had a cosy evening in his bedroom at his parents house.
Why? The wee ones have wanted to stay with their grandparents a few nights because of the summer holidays they've been able to and their dad has them every weekend. I have a good support system in place.

@purplelila2

What i find really creepy is how he might have a child's body!
Some late teens still have that 'look'
He DOES not have a child's body, I can promise you that and I'm not saying that in a boastful way but just that I'd like to make it very clear that's not the case this is probably the comment that has offended me most. But I'll accept that I did ask for opinions and you are allowed yours.

@WhyBirdStop
I think OP (and this is only my opinion) given your past, this is self protection. You are older and more experienced, so have the upper hand, he's young so you don't think he can hurt you, he probably worships you a bit in that way teen boys do with older women and you don't think it'll go anywhere long term, so all round it's safe and you feel comfortable and in control. If he's up for it and so are you, crack on, but do not introduce him to your children.
I think I'd agree with this the most.

A previous poster also said I was immature and childish, I will say I'm maybe not as... Trying to think of the right term here, perhaps settled as my peers I'd rather go to a club than the pubs they want to hang out in I like going dancing and they want to do dinner and drinks but I wouldn't say I'm immature or childish. Perhaps just not as grown up 🤷

Anyway I think I've gotten everything I need to from this thread and I will be sure to ask him what his parents think, but thank you all.

My DP is 7 years younger than me. He’s not a teenager but meh. You’re both adults OP. Enjoy but don’t hurt him

Pearl clutching at its finest on this thread. Shocker

I wouldn't let him come round while the kids were there.
What if you got confused in all the palaver of sorting the kids for bed and put him to bed too by accident?

If it's only fun go for it anything more I don't think it'll work out.

God the judgemental pearl clutchers are out in force 😂
My bf met her dp when she was 40 and he was 26. This year they've been married 2o years and are the happiest strongest couple I know. If it works it works!

@shereebobbins jeez, Mumsnet really is in decline... Your comment about bedtime is ridiculous, as I explained before, a man of 50 can be a immature man child and a younger man can be mature and responsible.
My dh is the perfect example of this and the way he handled ridiculous, petty and totally shitty comments like yours, made me love him even more.

@Tillygetsit aren't they? It's certainly a humourless place this evening

Ordinarily I'd say age doesn't matter but having just come out of a relationship with someone with a bigger age gap than that I'm not so sure now. Also, 19 is very young, barely more than a child imo. Not sure I'd go there.

Anyway I think I've gotten everything I need to from this thread and I will be sure to ask him what his parents think, but thank you all.

After all the negative comments you've received OP can I just say good on you for not kicking off - you've taken posters opinions onboard and haven't thrown your toys out the pram unlike some others.

Whilst I don't agree with you, I really do wish you well x

I work with teenagers and 20/21/22yr old people and have fuck all to say to them really, I can pretend to be interested in their fads and parties and stuff, briefly, but they aren’t fully grown adults, their brains aren’t fully developed yet, they’re kids, like. Legally adults, yeah, but zero in common. Shagging an actual teenager who lives with mummy and daddy who may be ‘mature’ and ‘not like clubbing’ or whatever just doesn’t work as a concept, completely different lifestyles, outlooks, experiences, you’re a generation apart, this guy was BORN at the Y2K Millenium Dome Willenium pluck-your-eyebrows-out era and you’re fucking him? For a few days? Your kids shouldn’t be around any males you’re fucking for bare minimum of over a year, so yeah, e joy fucking a teenager and all, but really, can you find a way to expand your mind and life and be a parent and like, not fuck teens? I can’t relate to this whatsoever.

*illygetsit Tue 13-Aug-19 23:37:25
God the judgemental pearl clutchers are out in force *

Having a son yes I judge - clutching pearls? I was your atypical tearaway at that age - I still a 30 year old woman with 2 children being attracted to a 19 year old teen is vile - having a son myself and listening into conversations about girls/women.

IME - none of the teens respect the older woman - it's a case of a notch scoring with an older woman but all the friends take the piss. And they DO have a teen body - nothing to do with being humourless ffs - give yourself a shake

I'd like to just point out I never said I had plans to introduce him to my kids. I know I said I hadn't done so "yet" but I also haven't picked my burial site "yet" nor have I picked my mother's nursing home "yet". You know things that may come up in the near future but not quite "yet".
I have always kept my children away from Relationships not that there have been any.
I don't drink around my kids or have parties or even groups of friends over to the house while they're home. I keep my social life and my children separate.

@velocitygirl You didn't think my comment about bedtime was serious did you? Age gaps are fine but a 19 year old? Have you ever had a 19 year old child of your own?

@hamnpeasepud are you honestly suggesting that ALL teenage men have zero respect for older women? Just wow, what a ridiculous, narrow minded and pathetic statement, or am I missing the point and you've actually met every single teen male on the planet?
My dh was late teens when I first met him and he had more respect, maturity and integrity in his little finger than some (most!) of the older men my friends were married to.

@shereebobbins of course I didn't think you were being serious, I endured months of similar 'hilarity' in the early days with dh so I can see you were just being 'funny'
I have an 18 year old, does that count?

It's very early to be thinking long term. Just enjoy it for what it is for now & don't expect too much & hold off introducing him to your kids for longer. Yes relationships like this can work, but it's rare. That said I know 2 that have at similar ages & are still together many years later & one couple now have a kid too & the other married. One didn't have kids though & the other had older teens.

Ah, I've just seen your update. In which case, crack on & have fun.

It's not for me. I got as far as a date with a guy of a similar age at your age, but only because he'd lied about his age & looked older. We had absolutely nothing in common & I needed something more than good looks to find him attractive. Ive several friends who enjoy it anyway though & if so, why not, you are both adults

@velocitygirl7 I suppose it does count. Oh well, I suppose we all have different standards and ours are so very different.
I hope you have a long and happy marriage in that case.

My husband and I have a bigger age gap ( I was 18 when we met) but he didn’t have kids. We were at opposite ends of the same stage of life (young and unattached and establishing careers) so it was fine and it worked well. This doesn’t sound the same. Life stage is more important than age imo.

Years ago a friend of my mothers lived next to a divorced women in her forties with 3 children. My mothers friend had a shy 18 year old son who didn't have a girlfriend. Chatting to her neighbour one day my mothers friend revealed that she thought her son had finally got a girlfriend because he admitted to her he was seeing someone. The neighbour then said "Yes its me, I hope you are pleased for us" My mothers friend had to go for a lie down and brandy! Her 18 year old son ended up moving in with the divorced forty something and she never really accepted it and kept hoping her son would see sense. He did eventually leave this woman after about 5 years and started dating someone his own age.

That age difference could possibly work for just a sexual relationship,but probably not for any other long term issues.

I think you must be quite immature to want to hang around with 19 yr old youths.

What on earth do his dp think?!

I couldnt imagine being with a 19 yr old. Even at 25, I would have felt a 19 was too young. Just eeww.

I think you are identifying with your youth.