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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Coming up to three and still in nappies

131 replies

m4mmy0f0ne · 12/08/2019 20:17

My DS is coming up to three (will be three in December) and he's still in nappies, OH parents have said he needs to do it now or he never will.
They said we need to push him to it otherwise he'll always say no to the potty.
AIBU to think that pushing him to take this massive step is the wrong decision?

OP posts:

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 12/08/2019 20:21

Why do you think he is not ready? He will never learn if he is not given the opportunity to.

Original poster

m4mmy0f0ne · 12/08/2019 20:23

He's been sat on the toilet for over 20 minutes and all he's said is I can't, when I ask if he wants to use the toilet or potty he says no..he knows what a wee is and he knows what a poo is but he's not interested in the toilet or potty

OP posts:

RedCowboyBoots · 12/08/2019 20:25

Lots of kids learn after three. Obviously they'll learn eventually- we don't have scores of adults in nappies simply because they weren't potty trained by the magical age of three.

Itsonlytuesdayqwer · 12/08/2019 20:26

@m4mmy0f0ne my DS was potty trained at about 3 years 4 months, led by him.
We had tried a few times when he was 2.5 years and he just didn’t get it at all. Tons of accidents and he just got really upset.

We were just guided by his nursery where he was full time, then said that when he was ready he’d essentially tell us.

Que one Friday he comes home from nursery, says he wants to wear big boy pants like his best friend C. We said then you’d need to wear pants not nappies..... he agreed.... zero accidents and potty trained straight away!!!

mumderland · 12/08/2019 20:26

He won't be in them forever. Do you see any able bodied teenagers still in nappies? My DS wasn't potty trained until just before turning 4. Rushing/forcing them will just make it harder in the long run

Emmabryant123 · 12/08/2019 20:26

My dd trained at 3 years 2 months
Took 2 days and dry ever since
No point rushing it

challengeyourreality · 12/08/2019 20:27

It does get more difficult the longer you leave it and pushing it doesn't have to be forcing it, it can also be gentle encouragement and lots of opportunities that you create to practise.

Veryouting123 · 12/08/2019 20:27

I've seen quite a few threads recently regarding children needing to be potty trained.

Don't pressure yourself OP. If you think he doesn't seem ready then ease off and try again in a month or so.

Raylas · 12/08/2019 20:28

YANBU. I can really recommend The Gentle Potty Training book by Sarah Ockwell-Smith. It has a big section on the physiology of readiness and the signs which gave me the confidence to know when and how to start. My DCs were very different in age when they were ready - DC1 was almost 3 whereas DC2 has just got the hang of it and only turned 2 last month.

I agree there is no point forcing the issue. My friend's DC was almost 4 before he did it - she tried because everyone was saying she had to but he just couldn't. Then just before he turned 4 he announced he wanted to use the toilet and that was it. They do need a level of readiness and the book has some interesting info signs that mean they are as well as signs that don't.

BeardyButton · 12/08/2019 20:28

Mine was over three. I knew he wasnt ready. Everyone gave me hassle about it. Saying he d be the kid in primary school still in nappies etc. I asked him a few times did he want to try. One day he said yet. We stopped using nappies that day. That night, i went to put a nappy on and he yold me he could keep it in until morning. Lo and behold he was dry at night too.. My experience is only that - mine. But whenever I see threads like this i tell it. I think you get so much about early potty training. But if lo is not ready, then i dont think theres any need to push.

Mammyloveswine · 12/08/2019 20:28

Have you tried "flooding" him? I gave ds1 loads of juice (he's not usually allowed it) and kept him naked from the waist down. He then got the "feeling" of going. At first he weed on the floor but soon he got to the potty. I celebrated massively! We stayed in for about 3 days but it worked a treat!

I'm an early years teacher and think that nowadays nappies are too good, toddlers are too used to feeling dry and are not uncomfortable. Our job as parents is to teach them! It won't just magically happen, you need to put the work in!

Veryouting123 · 12/08/2019 20:29

challengeyourreality

Not the case for myself and many others.

We tried again with DD at 3yrs 4 months and she picked it up in no time.

angelopal · 12/08/2019 20:29

We tried DD s couple of times and she was having non of it. Then tried again a week before she turned 3 and it took 3 days.

Oysterbabe · 12/08/2019 20:30

I recommend reading the book Oh Crap. I followed the method and my DD was trained in a matter of days, no drama or upset.

Florencenotflo · 12/08/2019 20:30

I tried Dd at 2.5 and it didn't go too bad but then she got a tummy bug the week after. There was no way to manage that without going back into nappies. I tried again once she was 3y 3months and she got it in about 3 days.

We've tried night time twice without success but I'm lead to believe this is a developmental thing, not something they can learn.

The best advice I had, take the pressure off and give it a go. If after 3 days there is no significant progress then forget it for a few months. Dd was naked from the waist down for a good 2 weeks at home and took a while to 'get' underwear. I think knickers felt a lot like a nappy to her. But he'll do it in his own time.

Emmabryant123 · 12/08/2019 20:31

does get more difficult the longer you leave it

Totally disagree
It actually gets easier imo and lots of people I know with kids who trained just after age 3 it took literally a day or two and that was it
I hear stories of kids forced too young ans parents moping up wee for months

MetalMidget · 12/08/2019 20:32

I know how you feel - I'd been softly trying to potty train our lad with a reward for four months. He'd go in the morning and evening, but generally would never ask to go, and didn't like going during the day at nursery.

Eventually one of the nursery staff suggested that we put him in pants. The first few days were a mess, but he very quickly became mostly accident free (he'll occasionally have the odd accident, but can go for over a week accident free). He started wearing pants less than a month ago!

I think some kids are just very laid back, and if they know they have the safety of nappies won't bother with tedious potty business when there's playing to be done! Others just need a little longer, there's no rush.

Scoobydoobywho · 12/08/2019 20:32

Our dc is 3 1/2 and has only been using the potty for about a month, only does a wee though. He previously refused to even sit on it, I didn't want to make a battle of it so waited until he was more willing. A sticker and a little bit of chocolate has helped grease the wheels.

Pleasegodgotosleep · 12/08/2019 20:32

We had exact same pressure particularly from in-laws, made worse as I was pregnant and "lg must be toilet trained before baby comes!" (Don't know why??) Tried repeatedly (star charts, rewards, bribery etc)and was a disaster, our lg started refusing drinks so she didn't need to wee! Spoke to hv who said to stop immediately as she wasn't ready, waited until she asked for pants, was dry in 3 days went from potty to toilet in 2 weeks.

MrsBosh · 12/08/2019 20:34

'If he doesn't do it now, he never will? Fools. What a stupid thing for your ILs to say. Of course he will. Ideally this needs to be done before he starts school but you therefore have ages.
What do you think he'd respond well to? Reading on potty, sticker reward chat, choc bribes etc. It sounds from your OP he might be ready but obviously I can't tell! It sounds as if you are being understandably a bit hesitant with it all? Could you try planning a time to go all in e.g. pants/potty/rewards/nursery on board. I know there are different methods but I personally wouldn't be asking 'do you want to use the potty?' I'd be saying 'let's go to sit on the potty'.

SquintEastwood · 12/08/2019 20:34

DS was 3yr 9m when he decided himself that he didn't want to wear nappies, we tried countless times before with encouragement and rewards at home and nursery with no effect.

He was dry day and night within a week - no accidents since.

DD however, was having serious skin reactions to urine in cloth and disposables so we were advised by the doctors to go nappy free at 2y6m.

It took her months to become reliable with pee and about 9 months to poo in the toilet. It stressed us both out big time because she just want ready but changing her clothes 6+ times a day and night was preferable to long-term steroid creams on her genitals!

I'd always say wait until they are ready, you can't force it without stress and I don't know one single child/adult who had just never learnt to use the toilet without serious medical issues 🤔

dancingmom · 12/08/2019 20:34

Mine did it overnight at 3. No training needed. We didn't really use the potty. Straight onto the loo,

Rtmhwales · 12/08/2019 20:34

Boys very often potty train later, and often after three. I wouldn't push it if he's not ready, that leads to loads of issues with holding it and ending up constipated and in pain. Just go at his own pace.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 12/08/2019 20:35

Is there something that he likes and wants to do, which can only be done by big boys who don't wear nappies? Or would he be impressed by pants with a favourite character on them?Some kids need a gentle nudge, but I totally agree that there is no magical age. If bribery doesn't work, then let it go for a while. Pressuring him will just create an issue where there doesn't need to be one.

My mother insisted that I was backwards because although I was potty trained at 18 months, I relapsed after my sister was born (when I was 19 months!) and the massive fuss (and fairly severe beatings) that she thought were necessary to stop my "naughtiness" caused years of trauma for me. I know that your in-laws aren't suggesting anything so extreme, but I still don't think that making an issue out of it is helpful or wise.

Chocolateandamaretto · 12/08/2019 20:36

My son was 2 years 10 months. It was so easy and way less stressful than potty training my daughters, both of whom I let myself be pressured into training too early. Took a couple of days, then he might time trained straight away as well, because he was really ready. If you don’t do it now he’s clearly not “never going to do it” that’s just silly! Ignore other people, chill out and forget the whole issue for a bit and come back to it when you’re not stressed. Your son will definitely pick up if you are worried and stressed about it.

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