Coming up to three and still in nappies

[m4mmy0f0ne]

My DS is coming up to three (will be three in December) and he's still in nappies, OH parents have said he needs to do it now or he never will.
They said we need to push him to it otherwise he'll always say no to the potty.
AIBU to think that pushing him to take this massive step is the wrong decision?

My cousins daughter went to school still in nappies at 5 as her parents hadn't bothered to potty train her.
In the end peer pressure led her to give up the nappies eventually after lots of accidents.

I promise he will use the toilet eventually, there is no magical "now or never" window of opportunity your in laws are talking shite .

I had one DC potty trained at 2, one at just turned 3, and one at 3 and a half. All of them were showing what I view to be signs of readiness such as pooping at roughly the same time each day and having awareness that they needed to poop as they would hide to do it, awareness that their nappy was wet/dirty, a nappy that would be dry for ages and ages and then suddenly full to bursting indicating they could hold their wee until their bladder was fairly full.

I started off by having a few days at home or close to home and put them straight into pants with the potty close to hand. There will be accidents especially at first but there should be a gradually increasing success rate, if there isn't then he is probably not ready. My rule of thumb was that if day 3/4 was no better than day 1 then they could go back in nappies for a few more weeks because life is too short to spend several weeks/months scrubbing piss out of the carpet. Two of my DC went back into nappies for a few weeks as they were still having multiple accidents and next to nothing going in the potty but when I tried a few weeks later they got it really quickly.

Managed mine in 3 days with a 6 week old baby! And going out and about too.... He was 3.5 and got so much grief from everyone.... Well no one talks about it now!

I remember being told by some very wise mums - start at two, you'll be finished by three. Start at three, you'll be finished by three.

Mine certainly adhered to that - except for the one that was coeliac, and she was four by the time she was completely night and day toilet trained.

Each little one is their own person, and they're on their own timetable. Not their Grannies. Not their Mums, even.

There is no rush. Found it really easy as soon as our son decided he no longer wanted to wear nappies (he was around 3 and a half and noticed other children at nursery using the toilet and he wanted to be like them!) Literally over night he was he was dry. Had tried before then with no luck.

With both of mine I waited until they were about 3 and a half. It was so easy then, we just talked about it and showed them what to do . My DH took DS into the toilet and did some "show and tell" and he was trained in a few days, and I did the same with DD. Never had a potty, they both went straight onto the toilet.

Why do your inlaws give a s*? (pun intended)
Tell them to bog off.

DS2 (youngest of 3) told me very clearly, when he was 5 days shy of 3 "I'm still too little", 6 weeks later we suggested he used the loo one day, he said ok, and that was that, clean and dry day and night.

OH parents have said he needs to do it now or he never will

I mean, that's clearly a ridiculous thing to say

'or he never will' of course he will!

If you're after practical advice though we used the pirate pete book and bribery x

Totally agree with @mbosnz!!

Tried before my son was 3.. pressure from well meaning family members even though I didn’t feel he was ready. It was a disaster.. lots of accidents and my son just got frustrated and upset. Tried again 2 months after his 3rd birthday when i felt he was ready.. he got it in a day, hardly any accidents and dry at night too.

You know your child best I think. Good luck x

We've told him if he does a wee he can have a Rex (toy story) we've already got it and I've shown him it so he knows once he's done a wee he can have it.
I genuinely feel like I'm failing him.

I've got 3 kids and all trained after the age of 3, literally in one or two days per child. Absolute doddle. I don't judge anyone who trains before this age but, seriously, it doesn't get harder the later you leave it! The better the child's verbal communication at the time of training, the easier I found it. Am expecting number 4 and will do the same unless he shows signs of readiness earlier. Older 3 are now 10, 9 and 6, and perfectly continent! Ignore other people unless their advice is actively helpful and do it the way that works for you as a family.

Let him be. You and he know best. I don't know why they're so concerned - bragging rights maybe? But you guys and your little one are the ones going to be doing the hard yards, and dealing with the fall out if you try and pressure him into doing it when he's not ready. It's not something they actually have any control over until they do if you know what I mean, so all the bribery and coercion in the world won't enable the wee fella to do what's wanted if his body and his brain isn't ready.

Boys do generally toilet train later, from my understanding.

In my experience, leaving it until the child chooses pants instead of a nappy is the easy way.

I read books involving potties/toilet use and talked about how older children and adults wear pants and use the loo rather than nappies. Once I thought they understood the concept I started asking "nappy or pants" each morning until they eventually chose pants. Couple of accidents over the first few days, but all three were independently using the loo within a few days of choosing pants. All child decided.

My kids were 3yrs 5mo (first two kids) and 4yrs 4mo.

Don't stress about it OP and definitely don't push him if you think he is genuinely not ready. Ignore everyone else and trust yourself and your son, he won't be in nappies forever.

My DS1 was 3 and a half before we toilet trained. We did the 3 day training method and it worked like a charm because he was truly ready. No accidents after 3 days, even now a year later he's not had any accidents.

DS1 was 3 and a half before he did it (we had tried a couple of times earlier but he wasn’t ready). He did it in about 3 days. Then after about 2 weeks was dry day and night. DS2 is currently 2 and a half. He will sit on the potty when asked but has never done anything on it yet 🙄 I’m not stressing about it, I know he’ll do it when he’s ready. I work in a nursery, there are several kids aged 3 still in nappies.

Please don't withhold the toy, it'll be easier on all of you if you wait until he is ready and wants to do it. My DS was 3.5 and very ready, I can't remember many accidents.

My dd is 3 years and 8 months old, today for the first time she has managed to do 2 wees on the toilet - we are a long way from being fully dry let alone tackling poos. She has had plenty of opportunities to learn, we've tried on and off since she was 18 months old. Some children are just not ready, some - like my wonderful dd - are stubborn as well and trying to push them into doing something they're not ready for will just set them further back!! Don't make a huge issue of it, don't panic and follow your instincts! Ignore what everyone else says , unless they're offering to do all of the Potty training it's really not up to them.

I tried toilet training my DD at around 2 years 8/9 months but she didn’t have the “realisation” that she needed to wee so just had accidents unless we took her to the toilet every 45-60 minutes to “check” if she needed it.

Life got in the way and we let it go for a few weeks. Tried again barely a month before her 3rd birthday and she just seemed to have “learnt” it naturally - not a single accident since we took off the nappy. She “feels the urge” and goes straight for the toilet (didn’t bother with a potty). I feel like it’s something they have to developmentally ready for, I think a PP said the same. Teaching them definitely helps but there just comes an age where it all clicks into place!

No need to rush at all, just work according to your DCs cues.

My son was 3 years and one month and cracked it in 2 days, including overnight. It then took another 3 months to go from the potty to the loo but we did it on his schedule. Never force it... that can cause no end of problems for kids with stool holding and constipation. Relax, wait a bit longer and tell your in-laws to but(t) out. They are being ridiculous!

Tried potty training DS1 at 2y 9m and 2y 11m. Didn’t work either time and I was very pregnant with DS2 so decided to leave it. At 3y 3m he cracked daytime training within a week and a month later was dry at night also.

People rave about the Oh Crap book but I bought it myself and found it rubbish.

Whilst potty training DS at 2 and a half, I got talking to a foster carer. She said she no longer bothered starting potty training until age 3. She'd trained 100 kids. It's not that individual kids can't do it before then, but almost all kids will train very quickly at age 3. Unless they're a summer baby who will be going to school at just turned 4, i wouldn't sweat it... it will happen sooner or later...

My daughter was 3 and a half when she stopped wearing nappies. She has had zero accidents since. She wasn’t ready before and I had no desire to train myself to preempt accidents, to be quite honest.

Oh for goodness sake!

He isn’t ‘coming up for 3’ , it’s another 4 months , or a fifth of his whole life!

It is really common for boys not to be toilet trained by 3.

When he is ready he will be ready. Stop pressurising him with bribes he doesn’t know how to achieve, get one of the recommended Advice books and wait til the poor child is ready.

You are failing him by listening to
Interfering relatives.

But he's not coming up to 3 he's closer to 2 and a half than 3 and even if he was 3 what do they think is going to happen, that's that he'll be 36 and still in a nappy! Most children are actually clean and dry between 2.5 and 3.5 regardless of when you start, a lot of parents say their child is potty trained and then it poos itself! Your child will be ready when it's ready.