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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have kicked off at in-laws?

336 replies

Xen20 · 12/08/2019 16:12

I’m so pissed off. I’m in sick at the moment with stress, I hate my job. I can’t face going back to it.

DH has called me Brian for years. I always hated it but it was a stupid joke that never fucking went away so in the end I just ignored it. He did however, get his entire family to call me Brian too so obviously I just avoid socialising with them.

Yesterday I had to go as it was a child’s birthday. As I said I’m off with stress at the minute so a bit sensitive I suppose. We knocked on door and I head the kids shouting that Dave and Brian we’re here. I ignored it. Got inside, MIL said that some friends were coming over and she would have to introduce us. I said “well introduce me as Ayesha then”. She pulled a face and asked if I’d gotten out the wrong side of the bed. Friends arrive. MIL promptly introduces us as Dave and B ... Ayesha. She then adds “but everyone calls her Brian”.

She snapped and said this bullshit stops now. It’s gone on for too long and was never funny to begin with. Now DH and I are not talking as he said I made a scene at a child’s birthday. I give up.

OP posts:
ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser · 12/08/2019 20:00

OP has already stated that she has told her husband and his family MANY times to stop it! Abusive bullies have a habit of not listening! It is not the OP’s fault that her husband is bullying her- it screams verbal abuse/ coupled with gaslighting and manipulation to make her look unreasonable!

TatianaLarina · 12/08/2019 20:01

By definition we don’t choose when we kick off.

Offs. An adult with a modicum of self control can choose not to ‘kick off’. Particularly not at a child’s party.

FireBloodAndIce · 12/08/2019 20:01

Yanbu they are a bunch Of bullying wankers. Your h being the worst.

He calls you a name to take the piss out of the way you look
You told him you hate it yet he encourages his family to use it
You continually asked until finally ignoring
You are off work with stress with your husband and MIL add to.
You asked to not be the butt of a rude 'joke' while very stressed and MIL was a twat too.
You snapped. Their fault for being twatish bullies.

Why are you with such a twat? I would counter Brian with tiny Dick every time and make plans to end the relationship.

My dad liked to joke like that. He started doing it to my then dp about his appearance too and i told him that he was acting like a joke, that he was being rude and if he didnt start respecting my partner and stop making him uncomfortable then he wouldn't see us. He got lucky as dp was close to losing his temper and letting rip back on dad's appearance to shut him up.

TatianaLarina · 12/08/2019 20:13

You can’t solve problems with bullying in-laws at children’s birthday parties. There’s a time and a place.

TanMateix · 12/08/2019 20:14

Every right to snap IMO, to be honest I doubt very much this ruined the party.

She is down with stress, she asked not to be introduced as Brian, MIL made fun of her request and ignored it, introduce le her as Brian anyway. Her shit of a husband has been having a joke at her expense for years.

Some bullies humiliate their victims in public as they know they will not make a scene. You stood for yourself, your MIL is a twat, she choose to ignore your request not to be made fun at, it is her fault.

Now, moving on, talk this fantastic opportunity not to engage with such nasties from now on, Dickhead can cook his own dinner.

TanMateix · 12/08/2019 20:14

Take not talk.

pictish · 12/08/2019 20:16

I laughed out loud at ‘Chill out Brian’ too. Sorry OP. X

Ohmygoodnessreally · 12/08/2019 20:20

You all sound lovely.

WorkWorkWorkWorkWorkdoobydooby · 12/08/2019 20:24

I wanted to say "calm down Brian" but I stopped myself. I found the whole thing quite funny, but then again my sister's nickname is also Brian, some people know her as just Brian... can't be you though she finds it hilarious too! There's much worse they could call you anyway... well they probably call you that when you've left haha

TanMateix · 12/08/2019 20:29

Are you sure she finds it hilarious? Have you asked her??? Jokes wear thin sometimes.

NoSauce · 12/08/2019 20:31

Some people on here are so dramatic. They swoop on to a thread, project all their shit on the OP and then swoop off.

I just find this whole thread odd. The OP has been called Brian for years by her H and is known as that by her in-laws but OP is NC with them because they call her that name. But then OP decides to go to a child’s party and loses her shit on MIL that I presume she’s not seen in a good while.

Unbelievable.

username678889 · 12/08/2019 20:31

@WorkWorkWorkWorkWorkdoobydooby well aren't you a delight Hmm

TatianaLarina · 12/08/2019 20:32

Every right to snap IMO, to be honest I doubt very much this ruined the party

No right to snap at a child’s party. It’s not the child’s fault. It not having ruined the party is not a plus.

Dutchesss · 12/08/2019 20:37

YANBU
You told MIL not to call you something rude and she did anyway. MIL ruined the party not you.

qwerty098766 · 12/08/2019 20:38

@SavingSpaces2019 I thought the same as you. Well articulated.

Giraffey1 · 12/08/2019 20:38

I meant add that I think you DH needs to get a grip. He should be looking out for you and supporting you, not acting like a five year old and giving you the silent treatment. He doesn’t sound very kind.

Number12 · 12/08/2019 20:39

Op, this is the first time I have ever said this... Its time to LTB. Leave the bullying, belittling very deliberate act of making you feel so shit. If this is the only problem then perhaps the shock of spitting up will shock him into understanding how deeply hurt and upset you are and stop.

It's almost as if he gets off on calling you this. Thinks he is so funny but you are the butt of his joke and he's pulled others around you into it too.

I really hope you feel stronger soon.

user1471590586 · 12/08/2019 20:51

There's some awful people on this thread laughing at the OP. Bet they wouldn't like it if they were continually ridiculed by their husband and in laws.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 12/08/2019 21:03

YANBU OP [flowers}... but your H. MIL and those laughing at you on here are.
Nothing funny about being deliberately put down with a crap nickname. It's bullying pure and simple.

Livelovebehappy · 12/08/2019 21:15

Op, I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I have laughed so much at your comment about the kids shouting ‘Brian and Dave are here!’ But having said that, you are clearly not happy so they should respect your wishes and not call you Brian if you don’t like it. You and DH need to present a united front and firmly tell them to call you by your real name.

sonjadog · 12/08/2019 21:17

It might not have been the best time to take a stand on this, but I'm glad you did. I hope he will now cut it out. If he doesn't, could you point out to him what a nasty bully he is being every time he does it? If he is a good guy at heart, that might be enough to make him think.

OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 12/08/2019 21:18

DH: peewee
MIL: cat bum face
Etc etc

They'll soon stop when you play them at their own game

1Wildheartsease · 12/08/2019 21:22

Is your partner this mean in other aspects of your life? He clearly doesn't care much about your feelings to have taken an unwelcome 'joke' this far and this long.

Serious re-evaluation is required!

Mum's brother used to call her 'fatty' - as a 'tease'. She put up with it for years (long enough for me to remember it). Then one day she answered and smilingly referred to him as 'baldy'. Clearly this was too sensitive a matter for teasing... but he never did it again.

phoenixrosehere · 12/08/2019 21:24

Some posters need to read OP’s comments before posting.

She wrote:

The Brian thing is a piss take out of my hair.
I’ve asked them many times to pack it in and I just get ignored so rather than give them the satisfaction of seeing me get wound up I simply ignore. The last thing I wanted however was for new people to start it. Plus it’s fucking stupid and makes me look a twat. Of course they’d be wondering why the hell I had a blokes name.

She has asked them countless times and they have ignored her so she had gone NC. She goes to a party and asks her mil to call her by her actual name and her mil being a jerk decided to ignore her and do it anyway knowing she doesn’t like it. It’s not like OP wanted to make a scene and I doubt she expected MIL to do that in front of people she doesn’t know. It was obviously the last straw and she reacted. Not the best place, but MIL could have left it at her actual name instead of being a cheeky b*h and adding the last tidbit. MIL knew what she was doing. It’s not difficult to call someone by their actual name and definitely not difficult to not call someone a name they have repeatedly said they don’t like.

skybluee · 12/08/2019 21:32

They sound horrible. I'm glad you said something. You asked her very clearly and politely to please not call you that. She intentionally and purposely disrespected it, probably to try to provoke you. It's not funny. I hope they stop.

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