About my children's inheritance?

[BonyPony]

My MIL sadly passed away a couple of years ago and left a large sum of money to my husband and kids. My FIL is very into financial management and has virtually total control of the account. We have to get his permission to withdraw any of the money.
FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. Husband hated the previous home, which increased his grief, stress and anxiety. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house. I cannot get this money out of my head. It is way more than I could earn in 10 years and it is just sitting there.
Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet. I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Should I give up and get a job or stand my ground and insist husband fight for the money? (Also am I evil?)

Good to see you back @bonypony and you're admirable for taking the criticism on the chin. You sound more rational & sensible in your posts today.

I totally understand your FiL's views re the SIPP - 4 sets of fees is outrageous. But clearly, your MiL wanted to leave a secure investment for her DGC. And OK, so bonds are losing at the moment, but the financial market goes in cycles - so they will recover. And your children will have the advantage of compound interest - look it up - it's how small amounts invested over several decades can amount to pretty large amounts. It's one of the ways that pension funds operate, actually.

You both seem pretty financially clueless, and very very lucky to have rich parents/PiL who can pay off your mortgage and pay for a "holiday of a lifetime" (not much change from £10k, I imagine).

So it's really even more worrying that you haven't done the basic financial planning. Or identified where you can cut back to fit your lifestyle to your income.

You give a list of what you've done since you posted - that sounds like a pretty normal day for someone working outside the home, to be honest.

I take all of the points that @herculepoirot2 makes - we do undervalue mostly women's unpaid work in the home - it is work, just not paid. But you say yourself you're not good at household management. And frankly, housework is not rocket science.

The tough stuff is the emotional management - but maybe you working will help your own mental health (which doesn't sound as good as it could be) and your children will have some new experiences. You could keep up with the volunteer work, but those hours could also be invested in paid work, which will help you recover an identity beyond the home (I think you need to do this) and also invest in your own pension (maybe not a SIPP )

Bluntness100

What? 😂😂😂
It's the kids money. The father in law is good with investments so he is managing it for them.
And on divorce it doesn't become hers.
Becaus it's her kids inheritance!

Money was left to her DH too. It's in the first line of the original post.

"...left a large sum of money to my husband and kids"
"DH and DC are named beneficiaries of a pension"
"Our financial planning included using his inheritance"

All named people inherited. Her FIL paid off the last mortgage, not the DH. He spent some of his inheritance on a holiday and moving to a new house (with a bigger mortgage...) What he has left is a mystery. He chose to let his father handle ALL the money. It's unclear if it's all in one pot. Or if they all inherited seperately. If the kids' share is in a trust. If it's all in a trust. I get the feeling the OP doesn't actually know herself.

Thanks OP. Makes sense now. A SIPP is a name for a certain type of personal pension that has a greater scope for investing the underlying assets. Despite your children having a successors pension it is unlikey that a SIPP is the most cost efficient way of managing the money. There is likely to be some better value out there in the market. Sounds to me like FIL isn't the genius money manager he makes himself out to be! I'm sure FILs intentions are well meaning, but given the circumstances you've outlined, you need to discuss cutting him out of the decision making process.

I recommend that you get independent financial advice for the management of your husbands pension, and indeed the childrens. If MIL died before age 75 that money can be accessed tax free, if over 75 any withdrawals will be taxed at your husbands marginal rate. It is up to you and your husband when and how to access your husbands pot, and how it can benefit your family.

This 100% confirms that you cannot legally access a penny of the money within pensions for your children, but I'm glad you've come to your senses over this.

You can hold SIPP's for minors - we have them for our DC. They are very good because not only will they be helpful to your DC due to compound interest when they are of pensionable age - if you are ever in any stage to contribute, you can do so up to a limit tax free. More importantly than this tho, you couldn't access it even if you wanted to, and nor will the kids until they are 55. They are pension vehicles.

Same applies to your husband's SIPP. It can only be accessed if he is over 55. If he is, I would still save it for the time neither of you are working if you can or you could find yourself quite poor in your old age. If you have to release funds, you could request an automatic withdrawal of dividends which would not release the capital, but as I say you would then lose the increase in capital you would otherwise accumulate. If you were going to go down this route of withdrawing dividends work out how much that might be over a year, and then divide it by 12 to have a monthly income.

The most important thing is there is no way you can even attempt to access the kid's cash so that is totally irrelevant.

BonyPony I actually think it is not legally defensible for your FIL to withold access to this money and it's pretty bad that he re-invested the dividends and lost money.

I did use my DC's inheritance: we put it into a house purchase as a carefully documented portion - and when we sold that house we returned it to his savings accounts with a pro rata increase which reflected the increase in value of the house.

I would not have spent the money on running costs.

Your FIL sounds very vexatious. I think that the pots of money should have been individually maintained. At 16 the children must be allowed access, unless the will stipulated 'held in trust' til a higher age, and what happens when different children want different amounts at different times?

Your FIL has not actually acknowledged or come to terms with the fact that it isn't his money any more.

Oh, sorry - SIPP so no withdrawals.

But it was money that came from MIL, so surely should have been liquidated when she died?

It all sounds very dodgy to me.

Cushionsarecomfie you do not need to be aged 55 to access a successors/nominee pension.

ReasonedCamper see previous post

Potatoes, I'm guessing you cross posted with the op and now realise what you posted was shite.😂

Op, whatever is in your husbands pension he's entitled to. As you rightly now agree to you can't take the children's as well.

None of us know what pther pension your husband has, but if it's in his name,he is entitled to. Whether he would be happy for you to spend his pension on day to day living is a different story.

I think you sound rather dismissive and resentful of your father in law, who it seems gifted uou his own money to pay off your mortgage and gifted you a holiday again from his own money, and seems to be attempting to build a pension for his son, and has not touched his inherited capital.

Bluntness100

Actually no. You were the one talking shite about her husband not having money and it being the kids money. And he's not entitled to his money because for whatever reason MIL put it in a pension for him.

The kids are in school but you’d rather spend their inheritance than get a job?!
There are breakfast clubs, after school clubs, part time jobs and jobs in school hours so it’s purely the fact that you don’t want to work. Wow.

OP FFS ignore the stuff people are writing about the workings of pensions. The rules are complex. If the pensions were inherited, as in MIL started her own pension, and willed it to your DH then you can categorically access this.

Not saying you should BTW, just that you can, or your husband can anyhow.

Everanewbie

That's not what happened. The MIL put money in to private pensions in the DH and the DGC's names. They are not named beneficiaries of her pension.

@BonyPony
I understand that the inheritance looks like a great way out right now.

But the fact is in 11 years time when it has run out what are you going to do then? Same issue but no inheritance to fall back on.

I would look to see if moving is an option and have a smaller mortgage ( using the equity to foot solicitors bill and stamp duty as presumably you poured all of equity from last house into this one )

look at reducing bills

Or / and you may have to look at getting more hours ... perhaps a dinner lady or a teaching assistant role? Or admin at the school or a school?

Or look at call centres where weekend work could be achieved to fit around husband.
A chore chart for kids and new expectations of assistance from husband would be needed to help you adjust.

Children can take turns to run hoover around. / pick up messes

Kids to make own beds as a rule and put dirty laundry in wash bin

You do dinner / husband tidys away.

Put a load of washing on each night and hang On a Dryer or if its a hot night as it’s summer and your due no rain the night before so you or one of the kids can get in after school.

Chuck bleach in toilets each night and clean kitchen / bathrooms and polish weekends only.

Abolish ironing where you can... shirts you have to but dry t shirts etc on hangers if you get the washing out as soon as it finishes and trust me the creases drop out. Just do uniform for kids.

Husband can iron his own stuff.

Or worse case pay someone to iron the kids stuff if your making enough.

But husband if he wants you to
Do more will need to do more to help.

Well, my DH has floated this theory to me:
As the inheritance is in a SIPP, NO-ONE can get money out of it until they're 55. Not DH, not DC. That a situation exists where a 4 year old has £××,××× in a bank account that he cannot have until he is 55!!! FIL knows this, knows it's a total clusterfuck and that the only people benefitting from the money will be the pension company for at least the next decade. And he doesn't want to tell us.

And if you'd like another can of worms to play with, how about grandparents, who don't trust their own adult son to manage his finances, engineering a situation where 3 18 year olds will be handed total control of thousands of pounds? GPs are relying on us parents instilling financial discipline or we'll have 3 Ferraris on the back of tow trucks :-(

OP can you answer the question about how do you think other people pay their bills?

I really do think you are one of those people who would benefit hugely from the discipline of more working hours, and regular hours at that.

PotatoesDieInHotCar

The inheritance is in a SIPP, opened by FIL and MIL. We don't really know much about SIPPs and tend to rely on FIL's information.
The account has been put into litigation by FIL because the full amount has been split into 4 separate named accounts for DH and 3 DC. FIL is outraged by this because it means 4 sets of account fees and he believes the SIPP managers are ripping us off, even though that is what MIL specifically requested. He has told us that minors can't hold SIPPs so it should all have gone into one account in DH's name, but he believes they created 4 accounts to maximise their fees. DH has agreed to him doing this as he doesn't want to argue.

I read it differently. Its sounds more likely that MIL owned a SIPP and the expression of wish gave 25% to the kids and the DH. I can't see FIL deciding to invest the proceeds of the will into a pension for each of them after MIL death.

No idea what she means by litigation. Maybe she means they are complaining about the fee structures. As OP stated a minor generally cannot hold a SIPP.

Clarity is needed, but most importantly the OP should seek advice.

Op, I mean this gently but it would seem he can't manage his own finances, his dad had to pay his mortgage off, and now you have both over stretched youtselves again and can't afford your own home. To the extent you actually considered trying to spend your own children's inheritance.

None of this is the sign of a couple who can manage their own finances.

BonyPony was the SIPPs inherited or were they set up after death? Was it from the proceeds of MILs pension?

If it is a nominee pension, age 55 doesn't come into it

I’ve read the whole thread and to summarise;
OP- can i spend children’s inheritance rather than get a job.
Mumsnet - get a job
OP- but I’m a terrible housewife i need all the hours at home to keep on top of it.
Mumsnet - get a job
OP- but my mum died and I’m scared of childcare.
Mumsnet - get a job
OP- I have a job! I work 10 hours.
Mumsnet - get a better job.
OP- I work and volunteer and help out and do a million other things aren’t I wonderful. I should have husbands inheritance.

To be fair to your FIL, both you and your DH sounds utterly clueless financially. You were mortgage free thanks to his generosity, your DH's career has 'flourished' according to you and somehow you're still up shit creek financially.

Pensions for kids are a brilliant investment btw - you and your DH are clearly really bad at financial planning - at least your FIL can go to his grave knowing his grandchildren won't be left penniless as pensioners.

titchy if its a nominee pension the children can access it when it is needed at their nominal rate of tax (if MIL died after 75) and tax free at any time if she died before 75

His inheritance is not yours by marriage. Only if he intermingles funds and he hasn’t. On the other hand poor FIL has already put a chunk of his cash into the house and half of that will be yours.

All these household chores are no reason to not work. I don’t believe you can’t get more than a MW job. Those jobs are for school leavers etc. In any case, if you want a fancy house etc you should work for it. You can’t spend your whole life being carried by someone else.

Keep up Shplot!