About my children's inheritance?

[BonyPony]

My MIL sadly passed away a couple of years ago and left a large sum of money to my husband and kids. My FIL is very into financial management and has virtually total control of the account. We have to get his permission to withdraw any of the money.
FIL has been very generous and paid off our previous mortgage so we could move house. Husband hated the previous home, which increased his grief, stress and anxiety. We were happy to move but are now struggling financially with the bills from the new house. I cannot get this money out of my head. It is way more than I could earn in 10 years and it is just sitting there.
Meanwhile, I have been a full time at home parent for many years but husband is now pressurising me to get a job to make ends meet. I don't want to disrupt our home life, especially when all our financial worries would be solved by husband getting FIL to let him have the inheritance he was given!

Should I give up and get a job or stand my ground and insist husband fight for the money? (Also am I evil?)

Congrats for coming back OP.

I’m still unclear though from your most recent post. Are you saying nobody can access their money until 55? Or are you saying that this is only DH, but the children can access theirs at 18?

Hang on

Are you saying fil went paid your mortgage off, put of his own pocket.

And then you went and got a bigger house that entailed a bigger mortgage than you can handle, despite your husbands career flourishing?

What were you both thinking? Why didnt you move somewhere slightly bigger and have a small mortgage. Or but something of similar value?

Honestly, the 18 year olds may end up being more money savvy than you and your dh have been in the last few years.

You and your dh have proved you arent money savvy.

And basically, you never meant to access the children’s inheritance “per se” as one of those calculating, lazy SAHMs of MN. What was, in fact, the case all along, was that both you and your husband TOGETHER , wanted to access a dividend payment on these SIPPS.

So nearly 900 posts of utter bollocks then?

OP I am pretty sure that you are not automatically entitled to your DH’s inheritance. A friend ‘s daughter is married to a man who inherited a large sum of money when his DM died . Friend ‘s DD assumed it would be shared with her but he refused and a lawyer confirmed he was right . Scottish Law.

titchy if its a nominee pension the children can access it when it is needed at their nominal rate of tax (if MIL died after 75) and tax free at any time if she died before 75

We don't know what sort of pension it is. I suspect OP and her DH don't either!

Regardless - she commented that it was madness to put money away for the kids' (and her DH's) future when OP wants it now. I was just pointing out that it actually seems a very astute and sensible thing to do - it is anyway, but particularly when OP and her DH are crap financially and I suspect are not the sort of people to plan for the future.

Are these SIPPs in your fil's name or in your dh and dc's? Surely the latter means they can access them?

I thought that SIPP funds couldn't be accessed until the beneficiary reached 55.

I did believe it would be in the best interests of the children for me to stay at home, even if that meant using bits of their inheritance but I now accept I need more paid hours

OP did mean access the kids money, for her to stay at home.

I also don't understand how you can now no longer afford your lifestyle if your husbands career is flourishing? One would assume that means he now earns more than he did when you bought the house, and it was perceived as affordable then.

You've already had big hand outs from your father in law, you've went and put your hand out again, it doesn't make much sense.

OK, can we call off the dogs now please? I think OP has the message that she was wrong to consider raiding the kids money, and that maybe she should consider additional employment to fund any shortfall.

I think its time to be constructive. Her husband and her children need proper advice on the management of their inherited pensions. The terms of these pensions could mean that her husbands allocation could be available to the family. The children's allocation may be available to help with university and property purchases.

As part of the advice process, a good adviser will take the DH pension as a part of the wider planning. He/She will look at your income and expenditure with you. Your children will also need advice on their behalf. Like I said, based on what you've said it is unlikely that the current set up is cost efficient.

Still doesn't make sense. They either can't touch it until 55 or they control of thousands of pounds at 18, which is it?

LakieLady titchy

A nominee pension is basically a pension that has been left to someone after the original pension holder dies.

I am hypothesising that based on what OP has said, MIL had a pension (A SIPP is just a type of pension, with a wider selection of investment options). She registered an expression of wish with the provider stating 25% to the 3 kids plus 25% to DH. This is treated differently to a pension that was taken out by DH, or on behalf of the children, with which 55 is when pension benefits can be accessed.

It is relatively new, so you're not alone in your misconception. This is why the OP needs advice, and it sounds to me like FIL doesn't know as much as he thinks he knows.

Ginger1982 Yes, if it is indeed a nominee pension, thousands of pounds will be accessible at age 18 for the children, or earlier if a nominated deputy deems it necessary, albeit under certain conditions.

GPs are relying on us parents instilling financial discipline

Which may or may not be wise …

Since FIL paid off the previous mortgage from his own funds rather than the inheritance money, I'm another who can't understand why you moved and took on another unaffordable mortgage, especially if you then didn't intend to work

To me that looks like "Woo hoo, there's all this lovely money sloshing around so we can have anything now!!", swiftly followed by the realisation that it doesn't work like that and the plan to take the DCs' money

In the end nothing's really changed … it's either get that job or be back with the plan of taking the kids' money because you've got yourselves into a real emergency

Agree with @Everanewbie. OP needs to find out if this was originally MILs pension which named the DH and children as beneficiaries (which I think is the most likely option) or if they indeed set up SIPPS for them.

If it was the MILs pension which they inherited, age 55 is not applicable and they can access at 18.

This does not change the salient point that this should then be used for university / flat deposit etc and the OP should get a job and conduct a major budget overhaul.

Either way, your kids have been given a step up. It's a good thing, appreciate it and make the most of it.

I suspect the ops last posts are written as such because she either knows or thinks her husband will read them, so she's moved from she only agreed to move due to his poor mental health, and now he wants her to work, and he does nothing, to his career is flourishing and how can his father not trust him.

@Bluntness100 the ops recent posts are very different from her first few posts.

It seems the money cant be access at all.

So why op was suggesting using the kids inheritance doesnt make sense.

It's almost like someone else is writing the ops recent posts.

I still cant believe the father paid they mortgage off to help then out and they went and got another huge mortgage.

No wonder mil didnt want it all in the dhs name and in seperate accounts.

Pretty much over 24 hours ago I gave OP advice on how to sort her finances...

It's actually pretty reliable, as in, download your bank statements, open with excel, group the money into different categories, you can see where savings can be made.

I do apologise for being so vague in the first place. I was trying to strike the balance between confidential information and helpful information. I also wanted a clear conscience about the information I'd given if DH objected to me asking Mumsnet.

This thread has helped me, despite all the crying. We are short each month of £××××, mainly due to pre-existing contracts that we can't get out of. I did think that I could "borrow" £xxxx from the £xx,xxx of DH's pot or from the £xxx,xxx of the entire pot. Then, pay it back when the kids are older and I can get a proper full-time job. I no longer think this. Several posters have highlighted why this is a very bad idea, not least that it might not be possible.

As for the job, I know and admire many working mums. Their lives are often very hard. Part-time working mums generally still do the vast majority of the housework, childcare arrangements, birthday arrangements, everything. I have seen kids who enjoy going to childcare and I have seen children in tears when they realise they're going to childcare.

My 3 primary school aged children have never done this. I have been there in person 99.9% of the time. It will be a very big change for them and none of them seen keen. We have no family nearby to back us up.

I will look carefully at jobs but I will admit it's daunting. I had planned to do more hours when the older two were in secondary school but my hand is being forced. Termtime jobs seem the only option. 3 days a week is great for holidays but will need childcare during termtime. 5 short days is great for termtime but how would we manage during holidays? We'll be able to afford to buy holidays but have no time to take them.

Hence the question: should I forget about the inheritance, upend our lives and get more hours? Or insist DH sort out FIL and use the money we've been generously left to give everyone an easy, happy life until it's a better time to get a job? £xxxx out of £xxx,xxx makes it all go away.

Why not downsize?

I assume by pre existing contracts you mean debt?

Sell the house, reduce you bills.

As others have said you were assessed by the bank as being able to afford the mortgage, things must have changed. So the house isn’t affordable. Sell it.

Get a financial advisor to go through everything, including your husband’s inheritance.

Jobs do include annual leave. So there is time to take holidays. And there are holiday clubs.

If you are short each month then borrowing from the inheritance is only a temporary measure as the money won't last forever.

You either:

Cut back - buy a smaller property or other ways to reduce your expenditure.

Or

Earn more - this means either you or your DH getting a job which pays more.

Annual leave, holiday clubs, sports clubs... Its what we all do. I'd much prefer to muffle through now and now my kids futures are provided for and that we have a nice lump sum t look after us in the future. Unfortunately we can't even afford savings

OP can you answer why, after being gifted the luxury of being mortgage free you then, went and got a mortgage bigger than you could handle. Taking into account the preexisting big contracts?

Personally, if I were I would forget the inheritance for now. It needs sorting. But not to just fund you staying at home. Mainly because you and your dh make poor financial decisions. And it could take ages to fix, it you can access it at all. In which case you will need to get a job and at least you are filling your CV.

The money that is the kids, should never be put into one pot in your DHS name. It's not his or yours. Its theirs.

Forget the kids money completely. Its not yours or your dhs.

Fil is at least being sensible keeping that seperate.

I could never imagine even contemplating touching my children's money to fund my chosen lifestyle. It's very very odd to even to think of that as an option.

Forgot to add, you cant afford your house so downsize.

You absolutely need to offload the house. How could your previous house have had such an impact on his mental health anyway? Particularly if it was mortgage free? I’d imagine living hand to mouth and still not meeting your bills would be far more stressful.