DH just exploded.

[SallyBe]

Our cat peed in a cupboard.

We've just moved house and she's not really settled. She generally uses the tray but there's an odd time she'll do it elsewhere. I've been trying to create a calm environment for her.

He exploded. He was shouting saying "I'm going to fucking kill her" and was slamming doors. It really scared me.

He's normally a calm person but had been under a lot of work stress recently. He's just gone in a rage, flooded the kitchen whilst trying to fill a mop bucket and stormed around the house for 20 minutes. I'm in the kitchen and he's gone and sat in front of the TV now. No apology. The cat is terrified, hiding under the bed.

Aibu to feel this way? I know cat pee smells and is hard to get out but I feel like he has over reacted.

It's one thing to be angry and a bit shouty,but it's a whole other to be so enraged that he's managed to flood the kitchen while trying to fill a bucket, then storm about raving. Did he clean that up? Or just carry on raving? That's not just losing your temper. And now he's in front of the telly - what a horrible, horrible man. Poor cat.

I’d be annoyed too- you say it’s out of character and he’s under pressure at work, maybe just cut him some slack, cat wee is a pain to clean up, if he’s not usually Like this let this one go, not sure why you were scared? Doesn’t sound particularly scary perhaps you’re too sensitive.

Wtf is there always at least one woman who will defend a man for any behaviour short of actual murder? Women who are apologists for men behaving badly just let them off the hook. And it doesn't matter if the OP is sensitive, her husband should take even more care not to frighten her if that's the case.

My (elderly) dog shat on the kitchen floor in the night. DP was up before me, so he found it.

He cleared it up and mentioned it almost casually, no fuss, no shouting. That's what a mature and reasonable man does.

Oh, and he's under huge pressure at work atm!

Maybe I am being too sensitive. We have been together for a long time. He has been angry before and sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. This was different. It was like he was a different person.

No, you're not being too sensitive, and no, you shouldn't keep your mouth shut. When he's calmed down, I think you should explain to him that you were genuinely frightened, that his behaviour was abusive and unacceptable and if he feels that he's likely to lose it like that again, he should leave the house until he's able to control himself.

He completely over-reacted. You and the cat both deserve an apology.

If the same thing happened at mine all that would happen would be whichever of us found it would clean it up, and mention it to the other later. The only other thing that might happen could be a discussion about taking her to the vet if there was no obvious cause, but there is in your case.

Can I recommend Zylkene capsules? You open them up and mix the powder with food. My cat loves them. She's been overgrooming for years and her belly, and inside legs were completely bald. Vet didn't suggest anything and nothing I'd tried made any difference. Until Zylkene. Within a week and a half there were tufts of fur on her belly, and she has more fur now than she has had in about 6 years. It is magic for calming cats. Expensive, but so worth it.

@lboogy
"I sure hope the cat will help you pay your mortgage since that's where your priorities lie."

Yep take Women right back to our great grandparents day were a Man was king and he could behave however he liked. Everyone had to walk on eggshells, to keep him happy, because he was the breadwinner.

Except now, they aren't the breadwinners anymore, but the entitled attitudes still remain.

The priority should be to behave in a way that doesn't upset or scare your partner, at the very least.

Pull the aggressor up on priority not the victims.

I would go apeshit if a cat did that in my house. Which is why I don't have a cat. Maybe he doesn't want the cat at all.

Did he want it in the first place?

New home smelling of cat. Nasty.

We recently moved house and for the first few weeks the cat had several pee and poo related accidents. I think it was a combination of confusion where her litter tray was now, stress from the move, and their had been cats in this house before us and i think she was trying to get rid of their smell.

My DH never got angry, neither did I. And I would not be able to cope with someone threatening to kill an animal, she didnt choose to move and have all this stress. If this is out of character then maybe your DH needs to see a GP if he is struggling to cope this much. If its not out of character then you need to decide whether you want to live with someone so angry and not worried about taking it out on you. This is not normal.

He massively over reacted.

I can understand being stressed, and sometimes seem like the last straw - going "oh for fucks sake" and being a bit pissed off is ok.

His reaction - if your description is accurate - is ridiculous.

My dh never liked my cat well he said he didnt i caught them cuddling a few times-he never threatened to kill her though even though she pissed him off and was sick a few times on his stuff

Your dh has serious problems