DH just exploded.

[SallyBe]

Our cat peed in a cupboard.

We've just moved house and she's not really settled. She generally uses the tray but there's an odd time she'll do it elsewhere. I've been trying to create a calm environment for her.

He exploded. He was shouting saying "I'm going to fucking kill her" and was slamming doors. It really scared me.

He's normally a calm person but had been under a lot of work stress recently. He's just gone in a rage, flooded the kitchen whilst trying to fill a mop bucket and stormed around the house for 20 minutes. I'm in the kitchen and he's gone and sat in front of the TV now. No apology. The cat is terrified, hiding under the bed.

Aibu to feel this way? I know cat pee smells and is hard to get out but I feel like he has over reacted.

I don't get people justifying this saying he's had a bad week. If it was a toddler who'd peed on the rug, would his reaction be acceptable? Everybody gets angry, but his reaction shows he's not in control of himself. As far a I'm concerned a man who can't control himself is dangerous, and not one I'd want around me.

I'm really shocked by some of the responses on here. This reaction is not normal and is not okay. If it's out of character and he is under a lot of stress, OP, I'd suggest he needs help. I've seen this happen a few times with someone who soon after had a breakdown.

Poor old puss. Get the cat settled, get the pee cleaned up with minimum fuss and let DH calm down. Have a talk to him later and try to find out what's going on. I had a similar situation the other week,i took my little boy away with my parents for a few days. I received a furious message from DH, to say he had gone to run a bath and "your effing hairy bastard has shit in it". Clever old puss, I had forgotten to put a tray out for him. The song and dance, I had blow by blow messages of having to go buy beer (any excuse), to steel himself for the challenge of turning a tap on and washing the poo away. He then sent me a photograph of "the phantom shitter" curled up in his sock drawer to prove my cat was OK and didn't have a poorly tummy. There was lots of I'm going to kill that furry bastard nonsense. Seriously though make sure DH is OK, moving is stressful on so many levels, he must have just needed a vent and poor old puss got it.

Ok, some conflicting opinions. Thank you all for replying.

Maybe I am being too sensitive. We have been together for a long time. He has been angry before and sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace. This was different. It was like he was a different person.

I have coaxed the cat out and she seems okay now. She's eaten some treats.

Poor cat. Of course it's frustrating but what a major overreaction. Please comfort your poor cat and have a think about your relationship. Is he normally like this?

If he can’t handle it, first step is he leaves the room, the house and walks the rage off.
Next step, he works on a better response to triggers than raging and threats, because he’s an adult. He needs to get his shit under control.
And no, I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone like that. My dad was like that, and I got out ASAP. Living like that is stressful, constant survival mode trying not to ignite the fuse. DH is entirely the opposite.

You are not being too sensitive at all. This is far from normal behaviour and neither is feeling that you can't speak up for fear of his reaction.

Sorry I didn't mean to minimise anything here. If you are in anyway concerned that this could happen again and his anger could get out of control then please seek some support. A friend who knows what DH is like day to day or a family member might have some insights and help for you.

Simple solution will sort out the cat pee, but your DH is a much bigger problem. He needs to get some help.

November my dad was like that too. As a result, sometimes, I'm not sure what's a normal reaction and what's not.

Pet Remedy is better than Feliway and will calm your cat.
Sorry, no husband advice

Kicking off like that over a bit of cat pee, that can very easily be cleaned up.
He doesn’t sound very balanced to me.
He shouldn’t be near an defenceless animal let alone live with one.

Your DH sounds vile.

Poor cat.

I’m going to miss the point of the whole thread with: @Lilyrose90, vodka?! Doesn’t it just smell like a hungover teenager’s bedroom?!

Why do so many women justify their partners horrible behaviour with ‘he has a high stress job’ just sounds like a dick

You are all being ridiculous

Yes, my mum kept her mouth shut to keep the peace and I despised her for it. Whilst he ranted and raged.
Do you have children, OP? Why do you put up with his temper tantrums?

He sounds stressed. I know I can fly off if I’m stressed & something tips me over the edge. I’m normally as calm as anything. He hasn’t hurt anyone, he doesn’t normally behave like this. I would wait until later to try & get to the bottom of the real issue here.

Oh SallyBe, it really isn’t normal or ok. I have two sisters and a brother and we’ve all married lovely people nothing like our parents.

sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace.

Oh dear op, that’s not normal at all. Can you talk to someone? A friend, a therapist?

Ps. Vinegar for the cat wee.

With the greatest respect. November.
This thread isn’t really the place for bragging about how perfect yours and your siblings marriages are.

I received a furious message from DH, to say he had gone to run a bath and "your effing hairy bastard has shit in it". this made me chuckle

I don't know I'm on the fence with this one. I'm someone who's normally calm and level headed but when under chronic stress I have been known to very occasionally have one of these tantrums too, usually triggered by something similar. I know it's not great and I should, as an adult, be able to keep my shit together but when in one of those rages it literally feels out of my control. Some of us never develop adequate impulse control I suppose? I don't know why? Possibly would need some therapeutic intervention to find out!

Scaring you is obviously not on, I would talk to him about it when he's calmed down. He needs to sort out the underlying reason or this will continue.

He's an adult. Yes its annoying, but its also a predictable feline response to stress - your cat is simply trying to normalise the scent profile in her new home, not stage a malicious vendetta against your 'D'H and whilst he acts like she is, he's a dick.
The ISFM website has some good info
icatcare.org/advice/problem-behaviour/soiling-indoors

More importantly you should not be apologising or trying to appease his utterly unreasonable behaviour. He's acting like an asshole to you and is threatening to abuse an animal.
Tell him to go and stay somewhere else

My cat has puked up in various places, missed her litter tray and pooed on the floor but DH has never shouted, no matter how stressful work was.

Maybe she’s peeing due to stress if he’s always shouting like a dickhead.