DH just exploded.

[SallyBe]

Our cat peed in a cupboard.

We've just moved house and she's not really settled. She generally uses the tray but there's an odd time she'll do it elsewhere. I've been trying to create a calm environment for her.

He exploded. He was shouting saying "I'm going to fucking kill her" and was slamming doors. It really scared me.

He's normally a calm person but had been under a lot of work stress recently. He's just gone in a rage, flooded the kitchen whilst trying to fill a mop bucket and stormed around the house for 20 minutes. I'm in the kitchen and he's gone and sat in front of the TV now. No apology. The cat is terrified, hiding under the bed.

Aibu to feel this way? I know cat pee smells and is hard to get out but I feel like he has over reacted.

@Euclid What?! Are you for real? He sounds like a very angry man. I would be frightened if anyone went off like that, yelling & threatening to kill my pet. I don't think I would ever feel the same about them. And I would be worried about the next thing that might set him off. He sounds horrible.

It's ridiculous how some posters will just accept male rage as no big deal. If the OP posted on here saying that she was going to kill her fucking cat if it messed indoors again, she'd be inundated with replies calling her a vile cunt and saying she shouldn't be allowed to have pets or kids. Heck, I've seen (female) OPs get ripped to shreds on AIBU for mere thoughtcrime against cats or other pets (i.e. not loving the pet and wishing they could rehome it but only expressing those feelings in writing on an anonymous forum).

Euclid,
Why are you even posting on here??
Because a cat wee’s in the house you would get rid of it ??
What if a baby, toddler has a accident and poo’s in the house without a nappy on ??
Would you get rid of it?
You weirdo, I’m reporting your comment .

If you're feeling unsettled and distressed, don't post in AIBU. Post in somewhere like Relationships where you'll get a much more measured and kindly reply.

You were frightened, which is the important thing. He frightened you. That's enough to know it was not normal and not reasonable.

Yes it is an overreaction on your DH's part.

But - are people never allowed to be annoyed/angry on Mumsnet? Saying angry things when are angry does not an awful husband make. Unless there is some huge backstory?!

Livpool,
No, not when it involves children or animals.
That’s a very delicate subject.
I am a mum with a daughter and 2 cats and a new kitten who has recently had a accident ( poo) on my rug in the hall and did a wee in my kitchen even though there is a litter tray .😬
Yes it’s annoying but he is only a baby and in a new home but it’s no big deal.
OP’s husband sounds like he has a anger problem in my opinion and that’s me putting it nicely as I could think of other words I would use for him but then I would get reported .

Everyone is under stress.
Flipping out like that really isn't normal. He needs anger management classes.

Work stress. Really.

Whenever I've seen this as an excuse Mr Stress is perfectly fine to friends and colleagues but throws his weight around at home with his partner who he clearly respects less. Street angel house devil fuckers.

I can't live with noisy stressy people and won't allow anyone to be in my personal space shouting the odds. So I don't get into people like that but If I were you I'd face up to him and talk about this. You have a pet - stuff happens occasionally but if he can't deal with that then re-home your cat.

But I bet he's not all sweetness and light afterwards. There'll be something else.

RantyAnty,
In my opinion if he reacted so badly to a cat weeing in a cupboard then he has done far worse before .

DeeCeeCherry,
I don’t think the cat is the problem here as they didn’t just get it.

Poor cat.
And poor you OP.
Threatening to kill someone's pet is abuse. It is not normal.
Please get yourself and your cat out.

@Alcoholtolerancegonetopot I thought the same, in reverse there's no way people would be excusing her.

It's not normal to behave that way and I am shocked people think it is.

Yes, everyone gets angry, everyone raises their voice and everyone has no doubt slammed a door, but they don't 'go into a rage', threaten to kill an animal, twice and they don't frighten their partner. I also wonder how he reacts to you or if any children annoy him.

Oh,poor cat. and nasty angry husband. Cats and also dogs, are very sensitive to shouting and banging around from angry people,no wonder your cat has gone to hide somewhere.. Animals have toilet accidents sometimes.

Glad your husband isn't here now, as one of my cats has been a bit off colour for a few days,and wouldn't go outside for a few days, he has just been sitting and sleeping on the bathroom window sill, and twice,he has done a poo in the bath.!

But - are people never allowed to be annoyed/angry on Mumsnet?

🙄 Of course they are.

Do you storm and rage around your office when you're angry - shouting, swearing and slamming things?

No?

Thought not.

This is horrible! My dad used to get so angry with our cat growing up because she'd sometimes go on the floor outside the litter tray. He'd do the same as your husband, say she needed to be got rid of.

Me and DH have two cats of our own now and one of them peed on the floor and I was so upset and worried what DH would say but he just behaved like a normal person and cleaned it up - it's not the cats fault. It's not normal or healthy to react in the way your husband did, no matter what other pressures he's under.

Oh and just to add - our relationship isn't one of repressed feelings and no communication. We argue and disagree but never in a way that involves threats to kill a pet! In contrast my dad never expressed his emotions until he'd just explode at whatever thing had pissed him off (usually his kids or his cats). Very unpleasant.

I would get rid of the cat. Human relationships are far more important.

In your opinion. I would chose a defenceless animal over a bad tempered and threatening thuggish manchild any day, of the week and I don't even particularly like cats. People like you who make me sick.

I would get rid of the cat. Human relationships are far more important.

The OP has a defenceless animal that is dependent on her for its welfare. She has a husband who has threatened to kill this defenceless animal. I'd prioritise the cat. I choose to take on animals and commit to them to keep them as safe, cared for and well looked after as I can. Other people don't feel the same about animals which is fine, so long as they don't then own them.

This is an angry, threatening man who cannot control his temper. The OP is so unsure of herself she can't tell what's right and what isn't. In the long term she'll be much healthier and happier if she leaves the husband and keeps the cat. Only one of them is threatening her and making her feel unsure, and it isn't the cat, is it?

I’m normally one to say your DH is a bastard, however, give him a pass on this occasion.

You say he’s stressed at work and that he’s normally calm which means this may have escalated in to a MH issue.

Yes it wasn’t pleasant to witness but he didn’t hurt the cat and the cat will get over it it.

He needs to seek professional help though as he’s clearly struggling with his MH.

What an utter twat.

I can't believe people can justify screaming and slamming and terrifying a defenceless animal and obviously trying to frighten OP as 'he's had a bad week'.

We have an elderly dog and he's gone a bit dotty and very occasionally doesn't make it out the door. I hate smells in the house and in my head I think 'ffs' but I just tell him it's ok and never mind. And I'm having a bad week every week at the moment. Tell him to grow the fuck up the pathetic baby.

Our cats pee In the house sometimes, we think it's because they don't get on so are marking their territory, we clean it up give them a telling off to which they lick their arses and ignore us, we never get angry they're cats and we love them.
As for him getting so angry I don't think you were overreacting at all, it's scary when someone's slamming doors and going mad in your house. I hope you and the cat are ok.

I can’t stand cats and I’d be really fucked off if one pissed in my cupboard but that kind of reaction and his temper generally is ridiculous. “Stress” is not an excuse to stop acting like a decent human being. I’d be telling him he needs to buck up immediately or fuck off. You can’t be risking this kind of behaviour and walking on eggshells round him in case he kicks off over fuck all. Prick.

OP please don’t listen to all the non-pet owning people on here who are reacting as though the cat had peed in theircupboard. If they feel like animals are ‘dirty, smelly things’ that’s their choice. I respect that. But your situation is different as you and your partner agreed (presumably) to keep a cat and all was fine with that in the past. There were no issues before, he knows the cat is clean and really no bother.

It’s normal to expect accidents with pets. It’s even normal to expect accidents with people. For example if you had tripped on a rug and sent a glass of juice flying onto his trousers would he have gone mental? It would be normal to shout a FFS and grump off to get a cloth to clean his trousers up, and complain for ten minutes after till it dried or he forgot about it. But is it reasonable to expect him to be raging and ignoring you later, and for you to feel it’s easier in life to keep the peace as you are afraid he’ll kick off?

The cat isn’t the problem, it’s just the catalyst. Or cat-alyst (forgive me).
Men are from Mars right enough. He has things worrying him. He wants a solution. If he can’t find one he’d be better in his mancave away from everyone. If he doesn’t have one the whole household has to put up with his temper. As someone else says, would he kick off like that in work? No he wouldn’t. He should have more self control. If you spill juice will he shout at you “I’ll f’in kill you”. That’s not on. If he won’t sort himself out I’d be tempted to speak to someone professional like women’s aid or a counsellor about his behaviour to help you decide how to proceed or get him to his GP for antidepressants if she thinks he needs them.

I'd be a bit worried about DH. If he doesn't usually act like this imagine how awful he must feel. He's under stress at work and has just moved house which is costly too. My DH was really stressed, acted out of character and then had a mini stroke the following week. I think you need to give him a bit of space and maybe support

“He has been angry before and sometimes I feel like I should just keep my mouth shut to keep the peace.“
OP- nobody should ever feel like this. That is not how happy, equal relationships work,