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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think people have become ‘delicate’?

178 replies

LottieLou90 · 11/08/2019 18:15

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but a joke can’t just be a joke anymore. It’s an insult.

I have quite a few friends who can handle a joke, or a constructive criticism. When I grew up, you told it how it is. If they didn’t like it then so be it.

It seems nowadays you can’t really express your emotions, how you feel or how someone has made you feel.

It’s like you have to protect everyone else’s feelings but your own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a giver and not a taker but my DH broke the camels back today.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this too?

OP posts:
HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 15:04

A poster deems an old man as rude and going out of his way to hurt her feelings when she told him a way to avoid offending many people, be could make the effort to make her happy and not bully her buy using words that upset her, if he wanted to.

The old man using the C word may view a young Mum at Nursery quite controlling and rude with repeated demands to have him stop using a word he has always used and to use a modern more PC word she approved of, he doesn't want to make someone he views as a bully happy.

beccarocksbaby · 12/08/2019 15:26

I tend to think people are less tolerant of other people's rudeness and bigotry. More aware of not being assholes to one another.

I for one welcome it.

LuvSmallDogs · 12/08/2019 15:55

I suspect people think I am delicate IRL. In actual fact, I despise passive aggression as my DM is the queen of it.

For instance, in a cafe recently I mistakenly took someone else's place in a queue as where they were standing wasn't where one would usually queue (the worker didn't clock them either). They pulled the "talking loudly about you to my friends while also looking at you" thing, so I went up and explained that as I had already said sorry at the time they could be quiet about it now.Smile

Toknowornot · 12/08/2019 16:04

It depends but there are arseholes on both side.

"Telling it like it is" = no just being a dick
"I'm offended" = no just manipulative and silencing discussion

It really depends on context.

Bartzabel · 12/08/2019 18:40

So asking someone to stop using a racist term about her husband is bullying now?

mbosnz · 12/08/2019 18:44

I once told a person that I found the term 'curry muncher' offensive, and could she please not use it around me and my children again.

I really couldn't care less if she thought I was a snowflake. Or that I was being manipulative, or eroding her freedom of speech.

She's free to use ignorant racist terms if she wants. I'm equally free to say I don't want to listen to them, and not do so.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 18:46

I am putting access the various points of views people may have, why would anyone have a problem with understanding why people do what they do?

Bartzabel · 12/08/2019 18:47

Rejecting Christianity the UK ha a stopped balancing love for self with love for others. They either love self too much or others too much and not self enough. They are happy to tell lies.

Because when more people were religious everything was peachy.

The western void - people need things to believe in - people don't follow the objective moral code of a supernatural power - they invent all kinds of belief systems - various people follow various belief systems and get cross and offended that others aren't following their beliefs - this encourages narcissism

Because traditionally all religious people have been fine with people not following their beliefs.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 18:51

Now we have the western void we have various cults and people expecting all sorts from people.

Some examples of cults, Flat earth, extinction rebellion (yes I understand there are climate change issues), wokesters, the Intersectional gang, the Queer theory gang, Momentum.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 18:54

Because traditionally all religious people have been fine with people not following their beliefs.

In 2019 you don't have the average person of established faith holding up signs about meat and animal welfare whilst people are eating in restaurants, yet with certain cults this happen.

In 2019 you don't have the average person of established faith demanding all girls leave the school changing rooms if they are uncomfortable around a boy of their faith who wants to strip in front of girls, yet with certain cults this happens.

Bartzabel · 12/08/2019 18:57

You don;t have the avergae person who is not of 'established faith' (whatever the fuck that means) doing that either.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 19:03

Established faiths, some examples Hindu, Muslims, Jews, Christians, Budists.

Established faiths do not include the following cults, Trump supporters, vegans, Intersectional, Momentum, Flat earthers, extinction rebellion, queer ideologists.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 19:07

Be a vegan, be happy, just don't demand that I believe what you do, don't demand that I eat vegan only, don't demand that I use the words you want me to.

ByGaslight · 12/08/2019 19:14

I do wonder if we have (temporarily I hope) lost some of what used to be called a 'social armoury' whose purpose was to let us interact with all kinds of people using a code of understanding. Shared conventions of politeness and courtesy let you transact with people you don't have anything personal in common with without antagonising or embarrassing them and protects your dignity and privacy.

We seem to swing between raw feeling, oversharing and being too personal and tying our language in knots for fear of other people's reactions.

CassianAndor · 12/08/2019 19:18

I’ve said this before but I think a lot of this is an unintended consequence of the cult of inclusivity. It starts in babyhood (no more just one person getting something to unwrap in pass-the-parcel, everyone has to.) and carries on from there.

And so far from being inclusive, a lot of these people are turning out to be utterly fascistic in enforcing their world view on everyone else.

Bartzabel · 12/08/2019 19:25

I don't think you know what a cult is.

CassianAndor · 12/08/2019 19:28

Never heard the phrase ‘cult of...’? No? Oh well.

HeatedRollers · 12/08/2019 19:30

Maybe I don't know what a cult is, I don't know what word to use, I want to use religion for these groups, there is no supernatural element or redemption though.

Where established religious faith belief has gone we now have these various belief systems instead.

somethingsomethingsomething · 12/08/2019 20:05

You can state your opinion without being a knob though.

Some of the nicest people I know is able to be honest, stand up for herself and be kind. I aspire to be more like her. It is possible to be honest, state your opinions and not be horrible about it.

I have a now ex friend who would say “I’m just being honest” or “I call a spade a spade” and she was just rude. She was never being honest, just a bitch.

mbosnz · 12/08/2019 20:22

I've found that some of the most delicate little petals I've come across are the ones who pride themselves on 'just being honest', and 'telling it like it is'. . . they can dish it out, but they sure as hell can't take it - no matter how politely a person might try to phrase their disagreement with their opinion. Oh, and then there's 'well that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, and to express it', well yes, but other people are entitled to their opinion on your opinion and to express that. . .

Bartzabel · 12/08/2019 20:50

So basically a cult is anything you don't like.

Why is being a Christian good but a Vegan good? WHat about Christian vegans? Who is the head of this cult?

beccarocksbaby · 12/08/2019 21:24

I've found that some of the most delicate little petals I've come across are the ones who pride themselves on 'just being honest', and 'telling it like it is'. . . they can dish it out, but they sure as hell can't take it - no matter how politely a person might try to phrase their disagreement with their opinion. Oh, and then there's 'well that's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, and to express it', well yes, but other people are entitled to their opinion on your opinion and to express that. . .

Oh this 100%

ChopinIn10Minuets · 12/08/2019 21:28

I find the shit sandwich worse than the shit, TBH. The problem is that the faint praise in the bread does nothing to disguise the overwhelming stench of the shit in the middle. To me, this style of 'criticism' just seems hypocritical and insincere. Surely if you have something unpleasant to say, a better approach is to be direct and to the point, in private, and offer solutions to any problems.

KateUrrer · 12/08/2019 21:36

Being on the receiving end of these techniques is always bit grim if you are aware of them.

FireBloodAndIce · 12/08/2019 21:50

I think sometimes people can be oversensitive, however if it's more than one or two and the common denominator is you, then perhaps it's better to explore that behaviour then label theirs.