To think people have become ‘delicate’?

[LottieLou90]

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but a joke can’t just be a joke anymore. It’s an insult.

I have quite a few friends who can handle a joke, or a constructive criticism. When I grew up, you told it how it is. If they didn’t like it then so be it.

It seems nowadays you can’t really express your emotions, how you feel or how someone has made you feel.

It’s like you have to protect everyone else’s feelings but your own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a giver and not a taker but my DH broke the camels back today.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this too?

I, and most of my family, are autistic.
If one of us were to ask “Does my bum look big in this?”, the reply would be a straight yes or no.
My DC know that they can trust me to be honest with them, on any subject. I’m a hopeless liar- it’s just not in my skill set.
I’ve noticed a geographical divide to some extent too. Southerners tend to be bland and diplomatic to your face while bitching behind your back, whereas Northerners tend to be blunt up front. I was from a Geordie family, but raised in London, then moved to Scotland, so I had plenty of opportunity to observe the differences.
I suppose a balance is best - be honest, but try to phrase it as gently as possible, and don’t take a pride in being offensive or hurting people’s feelings. Autistic DD favours the “shit sandwich” approach - she states two complimentary things, with the potentially unpleasant truth in the middle!

I think the way you say things must come across as being blunt and rude rather than helpful or explanatory.
I can see how with the wrong tone "It's not for you" about a dress can cause someone who is perhaps feeling a little insecure to feel upset.
I can see how a blunt "maybe blend here" might make someone feel a bit shit if they've been walking round 'unblended' for a while.

You say your the kind of person to 'tell it like it is' in my experience people who say that about themselves are bossy and like things done their way.
If this is you then I can see how therefore your husband might think it best to defer to you about presents thinking you'd like the final say.
It's logical therefore that when he thinks he's done the right thing and you bluntly tell him he's made a mistake, he would be pissed off.

I think everyone has different tolerance levels and senses of humour.

I hate the term snowflake too. Drives me mad. I don't think it's fair to call someone that who you perceive to be a bit softer. Think I'm half snow flake and half arse pending on the day 😂😂 I am aware of who I'm speaking to you before i say something. If I dont like something then I will say something but I wont go out of my way to hurt someone's feelings. Feeling offense to something isn't a choice.

Theres nothing wrong with encouraging people to talk about how they're feeling or validating their emotions. It's all for good positive communication and mental health. How much free speech should people have?

I think knowing your audience helps and if you are around people that are constantly offended by you, then you're in the wrong crowd.

Bullying- snowflakes/victims
Cyber revenge porn- snowflakes/victims
Workplace banter- snowflakes/victims

My point is you could see it either way depending on how you look at things. You need to consider my feelings when you speak or you need to not be offended by what I'm saying. Who's actually right?

my gran always said -

where you have a choice - be kind.
you always have a choice.

Being blunt or unkind makes it about you and is a very selfish way to live. Being kind makes you think about the other person first. I much prefer living that way.

I think a lot of male and female bitches use ‘truthfulness’ to try and mask their rudeness. The bitter truth is nobody is always blunt and to the point no matter the consequences - they choose who to show that face to and most of the time it’s someone the bitch thinks they can get away with insulting. It’s a power trip and nothing else - was one 10-20 years ago and is one now.

Being kind makes you think about the other person first. I much prefer living that way.

That's against my religion, I should care for myself and my needs as much as I do others, lies hurt me and don't help the person wearing something awful because someone cruelly told them lies that it looks good.

The man in the Twitter feed I linked above, was probably told his hair looked great by someone being 'kind' and telling him lies.

where you have a choice - be kind. you always have a choice.

Exactly that. I wouldn’t lie to someone but I do always consider other people’s feelings. Those who don’t are baffling to me.

Yes, some people are too easily offended, but far more take some perverse enjoyment from causing offence. Far more say complain that you can’t say anything these days when what they really mean is they can no longer spout abusive bigoted bullshit without consequences.

I think "cancel culture" is a new thing. Like how someone digs up a tweet of something ignorant some celeb said when they were a teenager and they therefore should never work again. I generally try to get on with it at least tolerate people I disagree with (within reason, I'm not talking child molesters or murderers or that sort of thing). I work in a very liberal/lovie industry and I've noticed this is especially true in our office when it comes to anything sexist. One of the men in the office said something that could vaguely be construed as sexist the other day and some of the girls just went mad at him and he's now been written off as a sexist and therefore totally shit person. I didn't particularly agree with his point of view and would have said so had I been sitting nearer but I don't think going nuts and people and writing them off helps. Within reason, I think having a discussion is better than just writing people off. I remember the same girls regarding me with deep suspicion after we had a discussion about someone (Corbyn maybe?) in the news who had called someone a "stupid woman". They were loudly talking about how sexist it was, I put up a counter-view but you could see them, rather than thinking "here's another take on it", they were going "oooooh you're not in the our feminist club after all".

Exactly that. I wouldn’t lie to someone but I do always consider other people’s feelings. Those who don’t are baffling to me.

How far do you think this through, all consequences, every single time?

I didn't particularly agree with his point of view and would have said so had I been sitting nearer but I don't think going nuts and people and writing them off helps.

It's where being woke has become totalitarian, where once it had good intentions, it has no more.

However there is a very old saying "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all" so this sort of thing is obviously not new.

Nobody ever gets offended by things I say, so I suspect it's the 'telling it like it is' that gets the OP in trouble.

Often, the British hate straight talking. See this chart for translations.

However there is a very old saying "if you can't say something nice then don't say anything at all" so this sort of thing is obviously not new.

No comment.

Will say nothing.

Will have exact same opinion as everyone else.

Will be kind to exact demands and expectations as everyone else.

Will have mind read and everything I say really means when I speak truth I am telling random people that they are fat.

Will accept totalitarianism tolerance of intolerance.

Compliance downloaded!

with the highlighter, you mentioned how amazing she looked in general- did you tell her that, THEN mention the highlighter..... or did you just mention the highlighter.

You look amazing, but you might need to blend this.... is a whole heap different to

You need to blend this.....

My worst is people who ask "what would you do in this situation". You explain what you would do.

Then a) you are critiquing because they did it different, b) picking on them.

Er no! I'm answering your question and can quite easily understand that your POV may differ from mine. I think people ask because they validation for their^^ choices. Not because they actually give a shit about what you think

@BeyondMyWits

I think that is the best way to be.

Tact and diplomacy work well too.

Tact and diplomacy work well too.

How perfect and socially gifted you and those who brought you up must be, we all therefore must be like you regardless of disability or upbringing.

Nowadays? Really. Are you trying to sound like a stereotype? Maybe you're not funny.

However I remember when younger working with a person who would be rude in a jokey way to colleagues or twist what you said.

I once tried to do the same to them and they didn't like it one bit.

This cuts both ways - a joke has to actually be funny to be a joke, otherwise it's a dig/ insult. "Constructive criticism" is appropriate if genuinely constructive ("you'd have more success if you did X instead of Y") and is sometimes the excuse people use to just file out unhelpful digs or insults which are not constructive at all.

The relationship between the people involved is obviously key - don't sole out "jokes" near the bone unless you're very secure in your relationship with the target, don't offer "constructive criticism" unless you are in the right relationship with the recipient - boss, line manager, more experienced colleague, parent - yes. Strangers or aquaintances - not usually appropriate unless it's genuinely immediately helpful.

Too many people think that as long as they claim they were joking or trying to help (when they blatantly weren't) they can make snide, nasty digs about personal appearance or similar topics - "it was just banter" or "can't you take a joke?" are phrases only uttered by unpleasant people IME.

On the other side yes it has to be possible to question and discuss everything and not accept absolutely everything anyone says/ does / claims for fear of offending! Absolutely!

Usually robust discussion about important topics should avoid being personal unless an individual has deliberately put themselves in the public eye or is dangerous. Rather different to personal "jokes". Ideologies and public events and politics and government etc etc etc should all absolutely be up for robust public discussion if we genuinely live in a democracy. If people put controversial views out in public they should be open to hearing replies they don't want.

It's not a blanket choice between being free to insult and make personal digs at anyone you want or no freedom of speech though - that's a false dichotomy.

Explain heated

None of us are perfect that's for sure.

I notice people have lost just plain old common sense.
“Why isn’t my 2 week old sleeping through the night?”
“My friend’s husband complimented me on my new painted skirting boards. Do I tell BFF knowing his flirting could destroy their marriage?”
“AIBU to wonder who I married? I did the recycling this week when it was actually DH’s turn. This is the third time this has happened this year!”

People get more upset about the inconsequential stuff than they do about the bigger picture stuff. It’s awesome that we’re more ‘woke’ but the truth is, people are more self-centred and looking more inward than ever. We don’t really, truly care about the social issues affecting others. We pretend to, but from what I see, we’re all ‘me’ focused. I find most people really intense and hard work to deal with. They want tolerance, they want compassion, they want understanding... for themselves. However, they don’t know how to give to others. I see this ALL of the time.

None of us are perfect that's for sure

My guess is that OP knows this about herself and is trying to understand things better.