To think people have become ‘delicate’?

[LottieLou90]

I’m not sure if it’s just me, but a joke can’t just be a joke anymore. It’s an insult.

I have quite a few friends who can handle a joke, or a constructive criticism. When I grew up, you told it how it is. If they didn’t like it then so be it.

It seems nowadays you can’t really express your emotions, how you feel or how someone has made you feel.

It’s like you have to protect everyone else’s feelings but your own. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a giver and not a taker but my DH broke the camels back today.

Is it just me or does anyone else feel like this too?

Have met lots of people who are passive aggressively rude, under the frame of 'just being honest/just being real/I have to tell the truth'
And then feign that they cannot possibly figure out why someone may be upset because 'i was just telling it how it is, I'm being true to myself, if you don't like that don't listen to me'

I find theyre generally quite unhappy people who enjoy bringing people down a peg or two.
They are also the sort to feel they're entitled to say what they want but everyone else isn't entitled to react how they want.

Maybe this isn't you op, but if most people around you aren't responding positively to you - you are the common denominator

People have lost all sense of proportion when it comes to being upset about things.

If someone says something that you find upsetting for personal reasons, then be a bit upset for a few minutes, have a little cry, then get on with your day. Don’t have a massive fucking go at them, tell them you’re triggered and go for bloody counselling for your PTSD.

Being upset about a perfectly reasonable comment can sometimes be a normal reaction because of your life experiences, but it doesn’t mean that the person making the comment is in the wrong.

I think this is more of an mn thing than a life thing.
Mn: can i get away with crop tops, im size 34? Response no. Op- fuck, you've ruined my life, I've been fat shamed forever. 34 posts telling her she looks amazing.
Life: best mate asks if the crop top looks ok. Nah, too much muffin top. Ok cool, thought so, cheers.

I have a complicated heritage. English "politeness" is difficult to understand a lot of the time. If someone is trying something on to buy it and asks how it looks, why would you not tell them if it looks good or awful? This kind of lying just baffles me.
Many other cultures do not do this pointless lying that the English do. Lying makes sense to protect someones feelings when their is nothing they can do change to things. But many English seem to lie just to avoid any unpleasantness at all. It makes things very superficial.
So I have told strangers if they have spinach on their teeth for example. Because then they can do something about it and avoid further embarrassment. But I also have went to the toilet looked in the mirror and seen things like spinach on my teeth, and when I ask friends why they did not tell me, they say they did not want to embarrass me. So instead you just let me walk around like that?
Whereas my friend who is autistic will just tell me.

Personally I find people who get upset at comments like this that get seen as tactless, but in many cultures would be normal, as needy people. I have spent time socially with people like this and I just end up saying very little as you have to be so careful what you say and how you say it. For example simple compliments like you are looking well, are apparently interpreted by some people as an insult meaning you look fat. I can't be doing with this kind of stuff.

If you spend time with friends who make insults to you veiled as compliments, then you have the wrong friends. If I give you a compliment I mean it.

Seems quite 50/50.

I have one ‘best friend’ who thinks the same as me. I made her lunch yesterday, asked her how it was, her response was “it’s OK, maybe next time try adding X, Y and Z etc” I took it on board and next time I will try it.

It wasn’t a nasty comment hidden in there but I’d rather her say that than tell me it tastes fantastic when it clearly didn’t for her.

To the PP regarding the coke comment, sorry I can’t remember the name, no I didn’t tell her it looks like she had done drugs. I just suggested for her to blend a bit in that area.

I would like to think I’m a ‘treat people how you would like to be treated’ I would hate to think I’m an arsehole but I wouldn’t lie to anyone. They are just my opinions and I only give it out when it’s asked for.

You aren’t entitled to be rude though. It’s fine to give a tactful opinion when you are asked for it but saying something like the ‘not for you’ example is just socially inept.

Is being socially inept the same as being rude?
What about all the adults who would have been diagnosed with ASD if they were children now, because they find the rules of social interaction so difficult to understand?

This is the only thing that makes me sometimes want to move country. I spent last year a few weeks visiting the country I grew up in as a child and it was so freeing that people said what they thought. They were not rude. They just didn't lie all the time.

I managed to offend someone because I jokingly said that her and another person had a love / hate relationship as they're arguing one minute and best friends the next......They started ranting saying how dare I say they hate the other person etc etc.

I turned my back and said' I can see you're trying to get an argument going, you're better off trying with someone else because you won't get one from me ' then carried on chatting to someone else.

Honestly, everyone seems to be out looking for something to be offended by these days. It gets ridiculous.

FGS I hate all of this "being honest" "it is what it is" bullshit. There are several ways to say something without bluntness. I have been called a princess on here and I'm proud of that because in turn I make active efforts not to offend people.

If the world was kinder and less AIBU-like it would definitely be a better place.

I'm on the fence on this. I was very much brought up to be tactful, but there are many times when I think "OMG, everything would be so much simpler if everyone just said what they thought". There's a colleague of mine who does a job that nobody else wants to do, who drives everyone mad by taking twenty sentences to get to the point, instead of one, and is totally unaware of everyone's irritation. However, everyone (including me) is too polite to point it out, for fear of rocking the boat, or for fear of his very long replies; but they'll all rant when his back is turned.

There are times when I have thought that honest feedback would do me good. Over the years, I've had friends who have blanked me, and suddenly decided not to be friends any more, which I've suspected is due to them not liking things I do, but not wanting to tell me; as a young adult I wasn't very good at social interaction, and I tended to make everything about me. I once practically pleaded with one such "friend" who had disappeared (while ostentatiously spending time with other people around me) to explain why they didn't like me any more - which they did, with some reluctance. Although I learned something from it, hearing what they had to say was very painful indeed, quite a surprise to me, and for a while I was highly resentful about hearing it, so that sort of honesty can be difficult for both sides, especially if we're conditioned to be polite. But I do think they could have tactfully pointed it out earlier, before it got to the "pretending I didn't exist" stage.

Not long after that, I lived with someone who had a habit of being very outspoken "because that's how she was", who would make shocking but "honest" remarks on a daily basis. Living with such a person was an eye-opener, as well as exhilarating and exhausting in equal measure.

TheAgeofAnxiety
Being honest and being blunt are two different things though. Isn't that the OP's (and other people's)point?

It's possible to be truthful whilst deploying tact.
It's possible to understand that sometimes an opinion isn't going to be 'yey Hun you look awesome' without being triggered by it.
It's possible to take constructive feedback at work without claiming it's bullying.

Now, the sort of person who trots out "I just tell it like it is / either love me or hate me because I just tell the truth" and so on are often using it as a synonym for rude, but countless people on this thread have shown that most people are quite happy to work in a sensible zone of being neither rude, not over indulging princess snowflakey behaviour.

I'm also getting eye rolly with the whole " I have anxiety, so......"

I quite agree, and I say that as someone with not insignificant anxiety. It is my issue to find a way to deal with, not everyone else’s to tiptoe round.

That said, I’m not a fan of “tell it how it is” people. What they usually mean by that is “I have no concept or intention of thinking before I speak or considering whether there’s a kinder way to say the same thing”. It’s generally an excuse for refusing to consider the impact of their behaviour, or to alter that behaviour to be a little kinder.

See also “Oh I’m too old to change now”. What you mean is that you refuse to.

You are entitled to your freedom of speech and can say whatever you like to anyone. Everyone else has freedom of speech too. If they think your joke is shit, or you’re just being rude or unpleasant, then they’re just as entitled to let you know. People aren’t more delicate. They’re just standing up for themselves and ‘telling it like it is’. If you don’t like that, surely that makes you ‘more delicate’. The golden rule of thumb when talking to people is ‘Don’t be a dick’.

P.S. Don’t every use the saying ‘I’m like Marmite. People love me or hate me’. Invariably, we hate you.

I can understand people being offended by certain things others say, sometimes people are just rude. I don't think anyone has the right to go around criticising others.
What I can't stand is the way people can't cope with life anymore. Everyone seems to think they are suffering with depression or anxiety if they feel a bit down, or a bit anxious or nervous about something. The war cry on MN is "I suffer with anxiety", it gets tedious.

This is happening more and more in real life though. My younger brother being one of these people.

I do hate shite jokes, made just to offend though. Sarcasm is not the lowest form of humour, shit offensive jokes are and people that tell them and think they are hilarious and everyone else should find it hilarious are not the brightest in my opinion.

Everyone seems to think they are suffering with depression or anxiety if they feel a bit down, or a bit anxious or nervous about something. The war cry on MN is "I suffer with anxiety", it gets tedious.

This totally! So many times when someone has posted "I suffer from anxiety" I find myself typing then deleting "don't we all"

There is a thread running at the moment about someone unhappy with being called "love" and "darling" on the train. Unfortunately I am the say it how I see it sort of person and ultimately end up getting posts deleted 🤦‍♀️

I have quite a few friends who can handle a joke, or a constructive criticism. When I grew up, you told it how it is. If they didn’t like it then so be it.

Aren’t they telling you ‘how it is’, though? You can’t really grumble about how nobody accepts constructive criticism from you, then flip out when people offer you constructive criticism about how you’re coming across.

Ha ha are you from Yorkshire? Home of telling it like it is. Doesn't always travel well.

I think there is a difference between free speech and just being an opinionated arse.
There are times when things do need to be said and it is difficult to hear but its justified, I do thin however, that some people just dont know when to keep their traps shut or how to read their audience. Under the these circumstances people are not being delicate they are simply saying that you have overstepped the mark of being reasonable and your just being down right rude/bitchy or passing comments just because you can.
If your friend picks a dress she thinks looks nice, or you see a make up flaw sometimes discretion can go a long way, the comments can cause more harm than good. When this is the case you keep your trap shut, it needs to be worth the upset in the long run those examples werent.

It’s the internet and yoof. Luckily, I’ve yet to come across many (any?) in my age bracket (40) behaving like this.

**Doubt it. Have you ever perused Twitter or Facebook comments sections? They're brutal. I prefer a thin veneer of politeness and civility.

This is exactly what I’m NOT talking about! People who troll on Twitter or Facebook are the exact opposite of truthful and authentic. I doubt they believe in much of anything actually. Volunteering your opinion ( when it’s not asked for) just to be vile or hurtful has nothing to do with straight talking.

I’m always a little astounded that people genuinely can’t tell the difference between those things 🤷‍♀️ The cultural differences being discussed may explain some of it.

I have a lovely, sweet friend who’s completely and utterly infuriating as she thinks offering any sort of an opinion might make people think less of her. To the point where she’d agree black was white, depending who she was talking with. It’s exhausting. She has booked and paid for two girls’ holidays that she never had any intention of going on, rather than simply say she didn’t want to go. Blows my mind.

You had a tiff with your OH and you're complaining on here about people who can't 'take it? I do hope he wasn't too frank with you.

You can't laugh at males, you will get arrested. I am not one for stocks and rotten tomatoes personally, how will the criminal see the Brexit jokes?

mobile.twitter.com/godblesstoto/status/1160595958486446080

For me I think it’s more an intolerance of everything and everyone! And an expectation!