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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

partner being completely bladdered when pregnant

128 replies

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 10:45

hi all,

I need somewhere to write this down and maybe get some opinions on how to approach the other half wakes up.

so last night we was meant to be having dinner together but he said he was going to pop out to watch football with a few friends first then come back and have dinner around 7 afterwards. I was like okay sure that fine - an hour after I dropped him off he messages saying did I mind getting dinner by myself as he is going to stay out longer but wont be late at all, no later than 9. I wasnt thrilled but said okay however can you please not get too drunk as we are staying at my mums atm, we were meant to be having dinner and an evening together, and I could really do with a reasonable nights sleep tonight. he is very much so like oh of course not it's not even that kind of night I wouldn't be disrespectful at your mums like that bla bla.

he didnt come back until 1 in the morning, he lied about why he was out (said he was waiting for a taxi for hours - my mum lives less than 5 minute walk away from the sports bar him and his friends were at) was so drunk he passed out head to toe in clothes on my mums sofa after this brief encounter strewing kebab meat everywhere. I was not happy lol but thought better for me and baby (I'm nearly 24 weeks) if I just go to bed as clearly wont get any kind of explanation or acknowledgement whilst hes in this state.

he then stumbles up stairs a few hours later maybe half 4/5 in the morning and wakes me up, then proceeds to throw up all over my mums house, saying he will just have to clean it in the morning and says he doesnt want to talk about any of this right now and to let him sleep :/ due to the smell being so horrendous I have had to spend the remainder of my sleep in my 6 year old sisters bed as she was not at home fortunately last night.

I'm awake of course now and still a bit taken aback, not really sure what to think nor what to say when he does eventually wake up?

did your partners behave like this? if so how do you approach this, I'm still quite shocked lol x

OP posts:
pinkyredrose · 11/08/2019 10:47

That is fucking revolting! And massively disrespectful to you and your mum. Has he does similar before?

steff13 · 11/08/2019 10:48

I wouldn't be married to someone who behaved like that.

MaxNormal · 11/08/2019 10:48

What a total fucking pig.

MaMaMaMySharona · 11/08/2019 10:53

No of course my partner doesn’t behave like that. If he’d agreed to have dinner with me he wouldn’t then ring me and change our plans, far apart from everything else! I wouldn’t let him leave sick drying and stinking up my mums house either.

Get him out of bed now and make him clear it up. You need to have a serious discussion about priorities and respect.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2019 10:56

I hope your mother (and you) read him the riot act.

And he would be paying for professional cleaning.

SinkGirl · 11/08/2019 10:56

Nope. I would be absolutely fuming and mortified.

SallyWD · 11/08/2019 10:56

It's disgraceful. My husband would never do this. Not at our house or my mum's!

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 11:02

thanks for responses - even though I know it is completely out of order because he seemed so unbothered (probably cos he was drunk but still) I was starting to question myself if I had a right to be as annoyed as I am. I'm not even sure what's bothering me more, the fact he lied and rolled in hours later than he said without even a simple message or the fact he proceeded to throw up everywhere and I had to sleep in a childs bed Hmm not even sure how I'm going to approach this today dont really want to be around him and hes for sure going to be hungover too x

OP posts:
Morgan12 · 11/08/2019 11:02

Time to wake him up I reckon.

Sparklypurpleunicornsaremyfav · 11/08/2019 11:03

My ex used to do stuff like that. Our son was 11 days late, the night before I was due to go and be induced he went to return a dvd we'd borrowed, it took him to about 3am to do it and could barley stand when he got back, threw up in a shoe and passed out taking over the whole bed... I had to be in hospital by 7.30am. It wasn't till the very last second he managed to drag himself out of bed, still half wasted to come with me. He put on the most offensive t shirt ever, stank of booze and fags and the when I got to hospital pushed me to one side of the bed so he could lie on it too and sleep.
Unfortunately he didn't change even after our son was born, I left just before my son turned 3.

thinkingcapon · 11/08/2019 11:03

How often does he do this sort of thing? X

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 11:04

and pinkyredrose this particular group of mates unfortunately yes they dont seem to be able to go for a drink without it turning into paraletic and drugs etc. - I trusted him though as I thought it was already a bit harsh he had left me for dinner I really did not expect him to then do all the other stuff after. naively thought he was just enjoying himself and wanted to stay out a bit longer then be home at 9 ah x

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 11/08/2019 11:05

I'm awake of course now and still a bit taken aback

A bit taken aback OP ? I'd throw him out. What a pig.

WaitingInTheBushesOfLove · 11/08/2019 11:05

How old is he, OP? Sounds very immature and irresponsible. I hope he is going to make it up to you and your mum and clean the mess. I hope none of you show him any sympathy when he wakes up feeling like crap.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 11/08/2019 11:09

So he takes drugs too?

dudsville · 11/08/2019 11:09

I know this advice is coming a bit late to you but I believe one adult should not be in a position of telling another adult who is their partner, their equal, what to do and how to behave. Therefore the only way around this is to choose partners who share your values. He doesn't. But you're pregnant, so this advice is a bit late.

PooWillyBumBum · 11/08/2019 11:13

Ew no. My husband has never done anything like this pregnant or not pregnant.

Many of us have been so drunk we throw up but to not clean it up? And in someone elses home? He is an animal.

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 11:14

hes 27 so not really that young :/ I have absolutely no idea what last night was all about it is definitley the worst hes ever been since I've been pregnant, just quite furious he decided to do it at my mums house too. I do agree with you dudsville, however I am prepared to be by myself pregnant or not so I guess only thing I can do is put across how horrendous I have found his recent behaviour and show I'm not prepared to put up with it. not really behaviour I want our unborn daughter to witness when she is here either x

OP posts:
Shewhomustgowithoutname · 11/08/2019 11:30

I have not had a husband carry on like that in my parents' house but my sister's husband has done it several times. We don't contact them now.
My adult daughter has brought her partner to my house while he was drunk several times. He has not thrown up but I am most definitely unimpressed with him and even less impressed with my AD.
You mentioned your young sister is away, I hope her and your DMum are on holiday and that DMum does not see the state of her house.
I think he should be hauled out of bed and stood over till he has scrubbed the whole house spotless.
You also need to think about whether you want Baby brought up in this type of situation.

Nanny0gg · 11/08/2019 11:39

Drugs as well?

Dealbreaker

thinkingcapon · 11/08/2019 11:39

Is this normal behaviour for him or a total one off? X

AiryFairyMum · 11/08/2019 11:41

Is the house still covered in his vomit?

Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2019 11:48

Drugs would be a dealbreaker for me.

I keep typing out answers and deleting them because all I really want to say is ‘another woman having children with an utter waste of space? There’s a shock.’

I’m starting to find this place so depressing.

RLOU30 · 11/08/2019 11:53

This entire post has nothing to do with the fact you are pregnant. He is just disgusting regardless.

notapizzaeater · 11/08/2019 11:54

I hope he's been woken up by now and has cleaned the mess up.

When he's sober you need to discuss what happened and decide what you want. Personally I'd be packing his stuff !