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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

partner being completely bladdered when pregnant

128 replies

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 10:45

hi all,

I need somewhere to write this down and maybe get some opinions on how to approach the other half wakes up.

so last night we was meant to be having dinner together but he said he was going to pop out to watch football with a few friends first then come back and have dinner around 7 afterwards. I was like okay sure that fine - an hour after I dropped him off he messages saying did I mind getting dinner by myself as he is going to stay out longer but wont be late at all, no later than 9. I wasnt thrilled but said okay however can you please not get too drunk as we are staying at my mums atm, we were meant to be having dinner and an evening together, and I could really do with a reasonable nights sleep tonight. he is very much so like oh of course not it's not even that kind of night I wouldn't be disrespectful at your mums like that bla bla.

he didnt come back until 1 in the morning, he lied about why he was out (said he was waiting for a taxi for hours - my mum lives less than 5 minute walk away from the sports bar him and his friends were at) was so drunk he passed out head to toe in clothes on my mums sofa after this brief encounter strewing kebab meat everywhere. I was not happy lol but thought better for me and baby (I'm nearly 24 weeks) if I just go to bed as clearly wont get any kind of explanation or acknowledgement whilst hes in this state.

he then stumbles up stairs a few hours later maybe half 4/5 in the morning and wakes me up, then proceeds to throw up all over my mums house, saying he will just have to clean it in the morning and says he doesnt want to talk about any of this right now and to let him sleep :/ due to the smell being so horrendous I have had to spend the remainder of my sleep in my 6 year old sisters bed as she was not at home fortunately last night.

I'm awake of course now and still a bit taken aback, not really sure what to think nor what to say when he does eventually wake up?

did your partners behave like this? if so how do you approach this, I'm still quite shocked lol x

OP posts:

TheDarkPassenger · 11/08/2019 11:54

I wouldn’t even need to do anything because my mom would probably break his knees.

I’m quite laid back but this would be a last warning for me

Aquamarine1029 · 11/08/2019 11:58

I would be making plans to leave him now, because you will be eventually, anyway. Why waste even more of your time with him?

Original poster

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 12:00

I normally am pretty cool with him but last night just felt like a complete piss take and it's quite lucky that I'm not insecure cos really who knows what he was doing for those four hours, he lied to me about why he was out and had done drugs so. unfortunately not a one off with this particular group of friends, however last night was the worst I've seen him whilst I've been pregnant and no he is still not awake. my brother has cleared the towels and sink that has sick in them - safe to say he is seriously unimpressed. just feel quite sad about it really, just so unnecessary

OP posts:

Blankspace4 · 11/08/2019 12:02

What drugs did he take?

Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2019 12:02

Was he like this before you got pregnant?

Jemima232 · 11/08/2019 12:04

Drink, drugs, unreliable and revolting?

Get rid of him.

NeelixFelicis · 11/08/2019 12:08

Your pregnancy is irrelevant, tbh.
Pregnant or not, he's gone out with his drug-happy mates, got annihilated, passed out across your DM's sofa, dropped food all over her floor, then proceeded to empty the contents of his stomach all over her house.

Never mind a man - that is disgusting behaviour from a mammal.
But of course, you sort out your DC, and let let your fella sleep in til lunchtime.
Remember, you can't be used as a doormat unless you're lying down.

Jeffter · 11/08/2019 12:13

The fact that you're pregnant is irrelevant, this is revolting behaviour regardless. He was supposed to be spending the evening with you and he went out instead? Then came home late, paralytic and threw up all over the house? Just eugghh, no.

Does your mum know? What does she think? Who cleaned up the puke?

I'm sorry he's done this, you should be able to rely on him to moderate his behaviour shouldn't you.

thenightsky · 11/08/2019 12:16

Please tell me he is the one scrubbing the place clean and not you!

Loopytiles · 11/08/2019 12:18

Disgusting. Has he got up and cleaned up his mess?

Why are you staying at your mum’s?

A visiting family member once did this at my mum’s, she woke him up at 7am to clean it up!

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 11/08/2019 12:24

I hope your brother has woken him up by putting a boom box on loudest volume in his room and chucking al the cleaning stuff at him whilst reading him the riot act at length and volume.

I say your brother because he clearly doesn't respect you (making and breaking promises, and unlike others I do think is worse because you are pregnant) or your mother, coming in at all hours and treating her house like that. In my younger days even if I was heavy inebriated if I threw up I managed to get it into the loo or contained and clear it up straight away.

I'd leave him because of the drugs, and totally inappropriate disrespectful behaviour.

sunnybeachtime · 11/08/2019 12:27

Not being able to stop once you've had a drink is a sign of developing alcoholism.

No point blaming his mates, I imagine they are tragic knobhead wastes of space, but they're his friends. I wouldn't be friends with people like that because I find the behavior intolerable. He doesn't.

Personally, I'd be saying that he needs to stop drinking, as he clearly can't control himself around alcohol, and he's about to have a new baby. If he won't, well, he's cleary got a drink problem, then it's for you to decide what to do.

AiryFairyMum · 11/08/2019 12:32

Why are you leaving him to sleep while your family cleans up his vomit? Maybe I'm just old and grumpy but if I were you I'd have woken him up and kicked him out to think about what he's done, not let him have a lovely lie-in while my family cleans up his mess.

NaviSprite · 11/08/2019 12:33

Jesus OP that’s awful. You’re right there is a chance that this behaviour will continue after your DD is born and it’s really not the sort of person she should be exposed to.

Get tough and quick, you have every right to be livid - seriously very angry and if he’s going to behave like an irresponsible adolescent then treat him like one. Tell him all that he has done and how appalling his behaviour is, that becoming a parent is a commitment that requires him to grow up and then some. If he can’t make the changes that you and your DD deserve then he will (and should!) be out on his arse.

Do you/he have a good relationship with his Mum? If she’s a nice and fair sort of person I’d wonder how she would react to his deplorable behaviour?

buttertoasty · 11/08/2019 12:40

I think you need to treat him like a child and say to him that if he can't go out for drinks and behave like a responsible adult he cannot go out at all.

You really really need to give him hell for this.

FamilyOfAliens · 11/08/2019 12:50

OP, you’re ignoring the questions about what drugs he took or has taken.

Durgasarrow · 11/08/2019 12:55

He left actual vomit on a floor and said he would clean it up later? What? Am I here on earth?

Seaweed42 · 11/08/2019 12:56

If he will do this to you, at your Mum's house and in front of your brother as well, then he will absolutely 100% feel comfortable doing this in his own house with you and the baby.
He has no boundaries for himself or others.
His urges, the drink and the drugs trump everything and he has no control over it at the minute.
He needs to go. You stay at your Mum's.

AiryFairyMum · 11/08/2019 12:56

I'm hoping she's busy kicking his sorry arse out of her mum's house - after he's finished the cleaning her brother has started.

Jemima232 · 11/08/2019 12:59

I realise that this is very difficult for you OP but please consider the baby.

And yourself, of course.

This is not a reliable man at all. What does your mum think? I bet she's deeply unimpressed.

Please make plans to end this relationship. Any one of the things you've mentioned would be deal-breakers for me.

funnylittlefloozie · 11/08/2019 13:00

Oh OP, I feel really sad for you. This is exactly how my exH used to behave, before and after we were married and had DD. He got drunk, he stayed out, he came back eventually, spilled kebab meat everywhere, and then vomited everywhere. It went on for far too long. Please dont make the same mistake as me. I stayed and cleaned up his vomit for 23 years. Its no way to live, and your friends will just drift away.

All the posters here saying "make him get up and clean it" - if he refuses, the OP cannot 'make' him. She is lucky she has her relatives there to help out.

Original poster

Hopex3 · 11/08/2019 13:00

my mum is away on holiday with my sister fortunately. he is awake now and still does not appear to have any comprehension of what he did other than a mumbled sorry. I have gone out with a friend as I had already had these plans today. I found it highly embarrassing my brother has seen that and I think he has sat him down to have a chat. I cannot answer the question about drugs as I do not know exactly what it was but my suspicion would be most likely coke. it is horrendous and I am still very shocked that he decided to behave in that manner especially for a person who has continually said how excited he is to be having a daughter. I feel like he maybe doesnt realise how lucky he is - I know people that would do anything to be in his position and would never dream of behaving in such a way. I guess as some have alluded to already it shows where his morals are currently at :( x

OP posts:

Merryoldgoat · 11/08/2019 13:02

Was he like this before you got pregnant?

ElizaDee · 11/08/2019 13:02

So he did thus before you were PG? You've said several times this is the worst you have seen him since you were PG. he's obviously done drugs before. Why did you choose to have a baby with him?

AiryFairyMum · 11/08/2019 13:08

Why is he still at your mum's house? Seriously, if you let him stay this will only get worse. Do you think a mumbled sorry is good enough?

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