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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just found nudes on husband's phone

175 replies

Lou780 · 10/08/2019 16:23

He had 3 WhatsApp groups with him and a woman. One had nudes of her vagina close up. And the other nudes if her in different poses including in his london flat. And with him. There was no conversation and the third was them making arrangements to meet again. I then found a photo of a massive vibrator he took in his flat kitchen.. obviously to send to her. I don't know what to do..I haven't confronted him yet. Does this sound like an escort or something? There was one picture of them wake boarding outside his flat. No mention on any of his friends chat about another woman.

OP posts:
HouseholdPlantMurderer · 11/08/2019 12:24

Also did you resolve anything after your last thread? That was never updated

Nor will be this one ...

HiJenny35 · 11/08/2019 12:26

You can wakeboard at the docklands. Assume his flat is along the docklands. Hardly the point of the post that should be concerning anyone.
So sorry for you OP. You shouldn't have deleted the photos but hindsight is an amazing thing. I'd wait till he goes back and then message him saying you saw the photos of x and would like to know how long the affair has been going on. Hopefully he will respond with some details so that you have some evidence in writing. However to be honest it makes little difference, you've been married years, if the house is in his name you will be entitled to half however I'd check that he isn't registered as a limited company and has it as a work residence at a minimum I'd expect hes done the flat like that. Tell him you will be staying in the family home while the divorce is worked through but obviously he won't be coming back anymore, he doesn't seem to want to anyway. He really is expecting you to just accept all of this like a doormat. You need to seriously get some guts. Think of your kids if nothing else, there's a good chance he will remarry and you need to secure something for your children's futures and yours. Get tough quick.

Honeyroar · 11/08/2019 12:28

The OP never updates threads.

Funghi · 11/08/2019 12:29

Thank you, Alexa. That’s very helpful. I had no idea such a thing existed.

Seven777 · 11/08/2019 12:41

Its irrelevant whether he’s paying some woman for sex, scrabble or wakeboarding (whatever that is). Is this thread even for real? Who needs to ask?

KatherineJaneway · 11/08/2019 12:46

You can wakeboard in the Docklands in London.

browzingss · 11/08/2019 12:50

Well if he’s cheating on you, the obvious answer would be to decide if you still want to stay in this relationship or not, and if not to place a plan into action.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 11/08/2019 12:51

The OP has found fanny shots on her dh's phone and some people are focused on the wakeboarding aspect of this thread, I mean ..really?

swingofthings · 11/08/2019 12:54

I'm always confused with these thread. How come a man, who is wealthy and therefore likely to have a nice phone, bound to be password protected, would keep such photos and either not use a password or tell their wife their code and then not change it, when it is obvious those pictures will be found at some point and there is a lot to lose out financially from bein caught.

Unless being caught and prompting the wife to demand for a divorce is ultimately what they seek because they are too coward to leave themselves.

colourlessgreenidea · 11/08/2019 12:56

The OP has found fanny shots on her dh's phone and some people are focused on the wakeboarding aspect of this thread, I mean ..really?

Not ‘focused’, just asking.

Nothing in the talk guidelines to say it’s verboten to ask a question even if it’s tangential to the main premise of the thread.

Ihopeyourcakeisshit · 11/08/2019 13:14

Nothing in the talk guidelines to say it's verboten to ask a question even if it's tangential to the main premise of the thread
Indeed not. It is perhaps insensitive. Hmm

VBT2 · 11/08/2019 13:19

Find a solicitor who specialises in high net worth cases. You should get a settlement equivalent to half of everything - property, company net book value, savings, pensions, everything. It doesn’t really matter if the company owns the flat, house, whatever. If he owns the company, and you’ve been a SAHM for 20+ years, that’s a marital asset.

Seven777 · 11/08/2019 13:21

Plus MN is weird -why are people presuming this man is wealthy anyway? The OP has said nothing about this. Is it simply because he has a flat in London? Millions of people do and they’re not necessarily wealthy are they? He sounds like a dimwit to me regardless.

howwudufeel · 11/08/2019 13:25

It’s very unkind and insensitive to mock the OP simply to give themselves a cheap laugh.

Moondancer73 · 11/08/2019 13:31

By deleting the photos you've deleted the evidence. I'd have forwarded them to your phone then deleted the evidence that you'd done that

Blankspace4 · 11/08/2019 13:40

I have said before on this thread, but I think it was lost in a sea of debate - the messages are likely still on WhatsApp in the Archive section (swipe up on conversation list)

Bluntness100 · 11/08/2019 13:45

I'm also a bit bemused by thr assumption he's wealthy.

justasking111 · 11/08/2019 13:49

On another thread we have been told how wealthy he is.

NameChange188 · 11/08/2019 13:52

@Seven777 and @bluntness100 there was a previous thread by the OP about visiting her 'D'H at his London flat and him entertaining friends the whole time, I only read the first few pages but I think his wealth and job was mentioned in that. A previous poster has linked upthread

MarinaPunta · 11/08/2019 14:06

Sorry this is happening to you, OP. This man seems to have completely worn you down.

And by ‘wake boarding outside the flat’ I read that as meaning they have been doing things together outside the flat, so it it not just merely sexual and indoors i.e. an escort or a sexual affair.

AnyFucker · 11/08/2019 14:13

All guesswork now innit since op has seen fit to do one

VBT2 · 11/08/2019 14:14

I think there are other threads that suggest H has a very successful business and is wealthy? I’m referencing what PP have said there, and OP mentioning she wants to stay in family home, I haven’t searched myself.

Motoko · 11/08/2019 14:31

Is it simply because he has a flat in London? Millions of people do and they’re not necessarily wealthy are they?

As explained, it was in another thread, but, anyone who can afford 2 homes, one of which, by the sounds of it, is in Docklands, must be wealthy. People earning average wage couldn't even afford the flat.

Cloglover · 11/08/2019 14:34

I hope you are OK. You sound quite emotionally detached from this situation so I hope you find it easy to move on and forge ahead. Really shitty behaviour on his behalf. People fall out of love, people change their minds about what they want from life - but no one deserves to be deceived. Good lick op. X

Ijustwanttochill · 11/08/2019 14:40

I hope you let us know the outcome of this one OP, as you didnt ever come back on the last thread so after everyone's advice you just left us hanging as to what you actually did? Did they leave? Did you?