to Ask your terrible advice from the 1990’s - early 2000s

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Aibu to ask you to cast your mind back and give the advice you would have in the late 90’s

Here’s mine...

Want to lose weight? Eat what you want during the week and take recreational drugs at the weekend, it’s like the 5:2

Have frizzy hair! Not to worry, some John Frieda, and iron, and a brown paper bag will sort it.

Worried your dp has been faffing you around and cheating? If he says @you were on a break” all is ok

Having your 18th at the local where you’d been a regular for 3 years!

Don’t let your mum push you into that sensible pair of Clarks school shoes. You want the Kickers ones with the high heel, worn with two pairs of socks - one pair pulled up to the knee and one pair artfully scrunched round your calves and ankles.

Fed up with cross country in PE? Pop your fags in your gigantic gym knickers and hide in the woods until everyone is on the way back.

Listen to enough Nirvana that you convince yourself you’re actually in love with a man who is now dead. Decide Courtney Love is way cool. Be angsty and devastated when your mum takes one look at your Courtney-inspired bed hair, smeared lippy and camisole dress and sends you back upstairs to get changed.

@Sevo7 are you from Medway?

Usual alcopops not doing what they should? Try mixing Castaway and Diamond White to make Blastaway and some interesting vomit colors.

No bag for PE kit? Everyone uses an identical Chelsea Girl bag (or Benetton if you were posh)

The late 90s for me were all about 2nd hand baggy baby blue cords which you'd cut up the sides to make them boot cut, black v neck skin tight tops over wonder bras, with a navy tight 2nd hand adidas top with white strips down the arm. Or if you fancied being girly then a super tight sporty mini skirt. I had the acupuncture trainers and also New Balance. I was very much into the indie thing.

Baby G watches, they are shatterproof doncha know.

If you haven't completed snake WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING??????

And I had a white shirt from Benetton which had a heart on the front made of plastic with red water and glitter inside! I loved that tshirt, it was so expensive at the time!

My friend had a Baby G watch and some foam platform shoes, they were a must have brand....I can't remember what though! We loved No17 blue cream eyeshadow too, or the pink which doubled as a blush. I had an amazing Barry M or Topshop glitter lipgloss (in a pot) I loved it so much. Silkcut were my cigarettes of chose as I liked the purple box. Hoffmister was £1 a pint before 10.

It'd actually kill me now..

Smoke a stupid amount of weed.
Drink a small bottle of vodka
Go out, drink Metz all night, wearing a crochet kinda fishnet top and the tightest rippedest jeans and massive new rock boots, so I was constantly falling over and needing a wee..
Come out of rock club so hot and sweaty there was steam coming off us.
Stagger home along the canal towpath in the pitch black, to the home of some random student.
Have all of the drunken fumbling craptastic sex.
Go home feeling pukesome in the morning.
Discover you've caught something off the random boy (my worst was nits, and i feel lucky about that tbh!).

Back home in manchester.. hang out at Afflecks palace, only buy one cheap thing because you are broke.
Go to Jillys, take whatever you can get your hands on to stay awake as they kick you out if you go to sleep in the corridors.
NEVER EAT THE FOOD THERE
Look at the folk who didnt listen to that rule as they throw up in corners.
Stagger through piccadilly gardens at 6am wondering why pigeons have to be SO LOUD.
Get the bus home which takes hours but its cheaper than the tram.

At college.... (rural, horsey)..
Go to parties
Come in from parties, change into jods and semi clean shirt, stagger straight onto yard and do 'your' horses.
Realise after 2 months of this that the only reason the other girls are bright eyed and bushy tailed at 5am yards is they take coke or speed.
Start doing that.
Lose loads of weight.
Get pneumonia from a combination of late nights, cold wet yard work, drugs and no food and breathing in mouldy hay spores.
Carry on doing this anyway because you LOVE horses.

It is not actually a surprise that I am buggered now.

I basically spent ten years doing all of the things I warn my DC never to do.

It was brilliant!

Put baby oil on you to get a tan in the sun 😒

Getting a half return to the closest town on the bus to go out drinking at the age of 15.

Purple/blue/green rimmel mascara. Papier Poudre from body shop with dewberry body mist. Tommy Girl perfume. Impulse vanilla kisses body spray.

Alcohol drinks: two dogs, hooch, Metz, Smirnoff mule, reef, archers aqua, Smirnoff ice. Lambrini before you go out.

Glitter spray EVERYWHERE. Teeny tiny t shirts with huge combats. OR huge bell bottomed jeans with either a retro shiny Adidas zip up top OR second hand velvet blazer.

Tiny hair grips that I twisted various strands of my hair into.

Four kids in my family, youngest two in the middle sharing the lap belt. My dad taking ten kids in his car from the theatre and dropping us off at the pub...all of us 14/15 and all our parents knew. As did the landlord. He’d rather us be in there drinking than be drinking on the streets!

Counting how many guys you had snogged that night.

This thread is excellent!

Wondering what to do with your hair? Don't worry, you can never have too many miniature, pastel, glitter butterfly clips for strands of hair. Just remember to leave two strands to artfully frame your face.

This thread is the best ever! Tears of laughter rolling down my face here!

My mum would give me £20 and tell me not to get too drunk, the bus was about £2 so I'd have £18 at 17 when a pint was about £2! 😂

Oh my god @Singleandproud I remember every one of mine or my brothers birthdays parties, I was in the boot when we were collecting or dropping off all my friends !!!
My dad even put me in the footwell of the passenger seat once ( I was/am only tiny but COME ON!!!!)

Early on recording the charts on to a blank tape and trying to stop before the DJ spoke

Dolcis
Bay trading
Gadget shop
Athena for posters.
Having a “free the weed, legalise cannabis” poster despite never having tried weed.
Watching your friends sellotaping the holes in benson lites cigarettes so they get enough tobacco 🤣

Finding it hard to get down to finishing that essay/dissertation? Forget about it and watch 'Teletubbies' instead!

DS sat between my feet in the front passenger side of the car when we went to Gatwick because we couldn't get 6 people plus suitcases in the Zafira. He was 7, so 12 years ago. Wtf were we all thinking??

missclementine I had that skirt! I wore it to school in sixth form and got sent home for wearing an obscene skirt. Mum kicked up a stink because it was past my knees and teachers shouldn't perv, I was allowed to wear it after that. With a river Island body suit and t-bar platforms

But, does anyone now worry that as our DC get older, we will a) be terribly, terribly hypercritical telling them not to do all the stuff we did (and enjoyed) and b) we will spot the signs and have to adult? And what will we say?
I nearly slipped up a few months back, DD had some science homework on drugs and I was half asleep so was helping/basically answering all the questions before she could Google them. She certainly had a raised eyebrow look at me and my marvelous knowledge of the effects of illicit substances compared to how shite I usually am at science (mainly down to bunking off it to smoke illicit substances), but I managed to swerve it by saying as a sensible parent, I had read an article on things to look out for.

Drink snakebite and black- gets you pissed quicker than either lager or cider alone.
Go out on a Monday, £1 a pint, free clubbing, £3 cab home- cram 4 of you in the cab, don’t be the last one in as you’ll have to sit in the front with the cabbie.
A packet of 10 silkcut ultra low will fit into your bra better.
Make sure you buy new DMs at the start of a holiday- you can break them in while your mum is around to tend your blisters.
Overdone the back combing and hairspray? Don’t be ridiculous, you can’t overdo the backcombing and hairspray.
The man is groping you because you’re sexy, not because he’s a slimy, pervy arsehole. Don’t be offended, be flattered.

Getting my mum’s friend who had a fax machine to fax a request for a shout out on KISS FM by Colin Dale, and being overjoyed to hear him say my name in live radio!

Keep a packet of resolve in your work locker as you'll always be hungover, and sleep on the seat in the fitting rooms at lunchtime.

@BiBiBirdie! Best laugh of the year !