to Ask your terrible advice from the 1990’s - early 2000s

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Aibu to ask you to cast your mind back and give the advice you would have in the late 90’s

Here’s mine...

Want to lose weight? Eat what you want during the week and take recreational drugs at the weekend, it’s like the 5:2

Have frizzy hair! Not to worry, some John Frieda, and iron, and a brown paper bag will sort it.

Worried your dp has been faffing you around and cheating? If he says @you were on a break” all is ok

@Singleandproud I remember doing this on the way home from primary school!
Middle seat belts were just coming in and we were so excited to sit in the boot with the dog and his bad breath!
Stopped the arguments and hair pulling, those little arms couldn't reach especially when parents took corners like they were racing drivers!

Fuck wearing a coat when you go out clubbing

That £1 for the cloakroom was better spent on drink.

I remember someone in 1996 recommending 'The S-plan diet' to me - i.e. take speed to lose weight.

God I feel so old

Can we please just go back 1 day?
90s nightclub handbag..
Sony 10mp digital camera (10mp!!)
Motorola,
121 top up card
Collection 2000 pressed powder
Anais anais
Polo mints

I always seem to love the past... Even 2007 to me was easier then than it is now...

Lace up fronted frilly polyester silky shirts.

Who the fuck in fashion land thought they were a good plan?

Flatforms back then were just enormous slabs of foam with a strap over the top.

Smoke only Marlboros (reds if you're hardcore cool and lights for hangovers) or silk cuts and drink only red stripe out of a can.

Never ever admit to feeling hungry.

Find any dance floor and get Christina Aguilera dirrrrty on with a bit of bootylicious and you're all set.

Oh and french kiss your friends to both repel creepy guys and pull other guys. (Just me? 😳)

There always seemed to be someone in the office extolling the virtues of the cabbage soup diet. Might have been all right for them, but the rest of us had to sit there with the windows open all year round to make the atmosphere tolerable...

Tiny little polo mints in a big plastic polo.

VO5 hot oil hair treatment.

I also had the straighteners with the little water reservoir. They were by Babylis, huge clunky things and fuck me did it hurt if you accidentally got steam on your skin instead of your hair.

Holidays to Ibiza to basically get pissed somewhere other than here, foam parties at Eden, chill out at Cafe Mambo, puking up cheap gin behind Biffa bins. Good times.

Want to have natural highlights? Try SunIn extra strength. Guaranteed to make you look sunkissed and exotic (and definitely not to arouse the attention of school bullies due to the fact your hair turned green during swimming at school!)

Iridescent everything - clothes, make up, nails.
Warehouse black shoulder bags with ‘Warehouse’ written on them were the height of sophistication in the late 90’s early 00’s at my school. Even cooler if you and your friends wrote all over them in shimmer gel pens

Tiny little polo mints in a big plastic polo
Ah yes I remember that! Also those little plastic Pringle holders that held about 10 pringles!

Of course you won’t regret getting a tattoo of tweety bird or a dolphin on your forearm

@Singleandproud I too remember several times in the boot 😂

I defined remember denim being incredibly unfashionable. It was all cargos. There was an article in the Sunday times claiming jeans would probably never be as popular in the future...

and then .....came the skinnies

Aww man, this thread is making me both nostalgic and sad
Had completely forgotten about my Motorola flip phone which would say Hello Moto when you turned it on.
Drinking Castaway and Archers and lemonade on a night out, the queue in the takeaway when everyone used to pile out of the club at 2am.

Coming on a bit too fast? Pop a wrap of speed in a double vodka and down it.

Meeting your mates at a club after working late? Get party ready quickly by heating Red Bull in the microwave and dissolving speed and E in it. I thought my heart was going to explode.

Never leave the house without chewing gum, skins and a clipper lighter.

Keep your house key, mascara, stash and cash in the inner pockets of your Wonderbra once you hit the floor. Fags and lighter down the side of the knee high boots.

I ignored the advice about “Do not ever take Special K”. Only once though.

@dontfluffthefluffer oh the fake lesbian kisses...

Oh god mine is get your dad to take you to Camden market to buy you white foundation and a weird corset thing that didn’t really fit, but had a huge CREST ruff thing that came up the back of the neck, as tall as your head. Badly apply eye liner and black lipstick. Then spend your friend’s parents’s party guarding the bedroom door while all your friends snogged boys in her bedroom but weirdly no one wished to snog you. Can’t for the life of me think why?!

Later, out of my super sexy goth phase, I used Vaseline as a highlighter and a lot of silver glitter eyeshadow.

A friend of mine who was naturally a dirty blonde put a load of SunIn in her hair and then fell asleep on a beach in Cornwall. She rang me in desperation, 'It's Hooker Blonde, tim, it's Hooker Blonde!' It was!

The grunge 'look' - looking stoned or fixing on smack is cool!

Had 3 hours sleep and have to go to work now after taking your body weight in drugs last night? Pro plus will sort you out! (Although I did find out once that 14 is too many to take in a day).

Missed the bus? Hitch into town. It will be fine!

Wearing a kids size teletubbies t shirt as a cropped top is cool. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

Forgotten how to use the till half way through a shift after heading to work straight from a free party? Call the manager over the tannoy and they’ll be right there to help, and definitely won’t think anything is amiss.

@DifficultSituation19 oh my god! I’d forgotten about my child’s batman t shirt I would wear aged 15. That said, it did look better on my chesty thing friend.

I remember someone in 1996 recommending 'The S-plan diet' to me - i.e. take speed to lose weight.
I passed ...

Would probably work, if you wanted to be skinny & psychotic.

@PeriComoToes @Venger I was in a club in Manchester c.2005 and a girl came into the loo, stood up on one of the loo seats and hid her coat under a ceiling tile so that she didn't have to pay a quid to check it. I thought she was an actual genius.

Hahaha I love this thread!! I had a Barbie t-shirt which was for 5 year olds that I wore with my enormous flared jeans which dragged in the wet and you got rising damp.

I think I was like a pre-emo. Lots of skater boys and hanging around smoking watching them skate. I had a pair of pink Vans which I was enormously proud of. Lots of black. Black eyeliner, black lipstick, dyed my blonde hair dark purple and my mum had to spend £80 in the hairdressers so I didn’t get suspended from school I was paying that off for a loooooong time

Afflecks Palace in Manchester was like some amazing cool place of amazingness and I’d always end up with some naff hoodie. Glitter roller balls. Having your ears pierced with your mum at Claire’s

Getting served alcohol in dodgy corner shops from about 14, blagging your way into clubs at 14.5. MSN messenger and the heartbreak of typing the perfect message out to that boy you liked and you knew he was online and you knew he’d read it but...silence.

A million tiny plaits or nobbles in your hair with neon elastics. Feeling like my heart would burst dancing with my mates to Blink 182 at Leeds festival. A LOT of dodgy snogs. Drinking in dubious places like round the back of the church so we wouldn’t get spotted

And then pretty much off my tits on cocaine every weekend for 3 years. Saturdays at work were desperate I used to have to have a lie down on a pile of coats at lunchtime.