to Ask your terrible advice from the 1990’s - early 2000s

[MyKingdomForACaramel]

Aibu to ask you to cast your mind back and give the advice you would have in the late 90’s

Here’s mine...

Want to lose weight? Eat what you want during the week and take recreational drugs at the weekend, it’s like the 5:2

Have frizzy hair! Not to worry, some John Frieda, and iron, and a brown paper bag will sort it.

Worried your dp has been faffing you around and cheating? If he says @you were on a break” all is ok

Aww I miss the 90s - most of this was definitely 1990 -2000 - uni days then party days pre children. My teenage daughters would cringe at this but my late teens early 20s were fun - and thankfully social media free!

Thank god Facebook and Instagram weren't there to remind us!

Want to lose weight? Then buy a dress that's a tad too small and starve yourself all week bar an apple. If you faint, it's working!
Hair mascara is a great look, especially teamed with bindis.

Don’t want to carry a bag when you go out? Stuff your money, your lip gloss and your chewing gum into the little pockets inside your wonderbra.

Equally, a camisole top from M&S lingerie dept, or a wonderbra, both make acceptable visible going out tops, under a jacket.

When you and your mates have only got one fag between you it’s fine. Just do a two toke pass.

bushy eyebrows? No problem - try this pair of tweezers - don't worry it's impossible to overpluck - just look at me

Mousy hair ? Time for some Ginger Spice stripes. Subtle.

Sexual assault? Don't worry - it didn't really happen because you're a minger! Maybe it was wishful thinking?

Low self esteem? They may be carcinogenic but cigarettes make you look damn cool. Try chain smoking for maximum confidence at all times. They wouldn't carry on selling them if they were that bad for you! Any let's face it you're gonna die some time anyway.

Alternatively, self esteem can be boosted through bingeing on alcopops, snogging a random and then puking copiously in the street.

Omg Acupuncture trainers!!! I'd forgotten about those. Loved mine. And my Buffalo platform trainers 🙈

Wash your vagina with soap because it can get smelly. Fastet way to thrush ever!!

One of my favourite threads! Take me back, can you imagine the youth of today leaving the house without taking a million selfies? I loved the buzz of collecting your disposable camera pictures!

A bottle of Castaway and a bottle of Diamond White in a pint glass is like alcoholic Lilt.

Best thread ever.

@MitziK I’m actually in love with you and your mixmag photos. Sadly I was only ever a reader not hot property photographed :-)

I don’t think ket is a 90s - 00s thing. I worked at a university up until 10 months ago and it seemed as ubiquitous as weed was back in my day.

Flared cords are a good look along with massive skater shoes (secondary school in the early 2000s)

Wear some low rise jeans with a belly top and fedora and you will 100% be mistaken for Britney Spears. 100%.

If you sign out of MSN and sign straight back in then the guy you fancy will see and message you straight away.

Yes to ck one. Also exclamation perfume too

Broken up with someone??

Skunk Anasie, Alanis Morrisette and Elastica on repeat will sort you out.

Sun, Moon & Stars was purchased swiftly after Cosmo said it was the perfume most blokes thought was the sexiest. I loved that scent.

Aqua Gio bought for every day wear.

A loud fluorescent Ralph Lauren or Ben Shermen shirt is all that is required to attract the ladeez.

Equally a bucket hat, tie dye t-shirt, glow sticks and whistle will make you stand out from the crowd at a Happy Mondays gig.

Taking your uni coursework down the pub and pretentiousnesly leaving various highbrow text books open on fiendishly difficult mathematical formula pages while talking loudly about Nietzsche, Proust and Goethe is a sure fire way to impress and blend in with the locals.

White eyeliner on your lower eyelid will make your eyes look bigger.

Trouser suit with a bra. Full on class

Crash the fledgling company internet by emailing the whole employee list colour PDFs for the summer BBQ. Nobody could send any emails for the two hours it took.

Anything eyebrow related!

Going for a night out? Wear combat pants from Bay Trading with a tiny corset style vest top. Twist your hair into loads of little spirals and secure with plastic glitter butterfly clips, then spray the whole lot with gold glitter spray from Claires Accessories. Drink bacardi breezers until it's 11pm and your Dad comes to pick you up and you have to pretend not to be wasted.

Trouser suit with a bra

Oh god yes. I had a WHITE trouser suit. The trousers had side splits up to mid-thigh level and the blazer only had one button. Used to wear it with a black wonderbra underneath. FIT.

Issy Myaki and Georgia Armani his and hers.